Voice test- Handsome Jack from Borderlands 2

[handsomejack]

Hey, now you're making quick work with being a fucking bitch, you know that? Smiling at my untimely demise... laughing even. I'd be touched that you find me so worthy of your seething hatred, except for one incey wincey detail--

You. Want to be me.

That's right. And I don't blame you either. A rich as all hell, hateful bastard with power, and the strength of the entire Hyperion Corporation under his belt?

Yeah. Laugh it up, kiddo, because you want me to dominate, annihilate, and siphon the next world and it's resources as much as I do. After all that time playing a Vault Hunter and running with the resistance too.

Face it, pumpkin. I rule you.

Comments

[howillusive]

They'll deny it until they're blue in the face, but I think you've got the right of it.

[handsomejack]

Heh, no doubt. It's hilarious. These underdogs think they can run the show, but even after I die and I'm rotting under the soil of a juiced up alien planet... I'm still very much alive.

You know. In the kick ass zombie kind of way. With the metaphorical devouring of their brains.

[howillusive]

As long as you control the technology, you may as well use it to your advantage. [ a pause ] I hope that means you do have that kind of power.

[handsomejack]

You know what they say. Dying is awesome.

If I don't have the power you better believe I'll find a way to get it.

Oh. My. God. I think I platonically love you.

[summersword]

[Don't mind Ildi. She's just going to stand over here making "blah blah blah" motions with her hand.]

What happens when ya run out of worlds?

/feeling the warm fuzzies

[handsomejack]

What? You mean after I've had my way with every last one?

...Shit, I don't know. I'd be the goddamn ruler of the universe then, so I guess I could do whatever the hell I want.

That's the dream, after all.

/debates making an Axton journal

[summersword]

Mighty big dream you got there, bucko. Better be careful. Lots of worlds out there, and some of 'em have monsters with much, much sharper teeth.

[Now she grins toothily at Jack.] But what'm I sayin'? Tough guy like you probably has all the angles sorted out into nice neat little rows.

/would have Jack attempt to kill over and over

[handsomejack]

Oh... Oh no. Monsters? Sharp teeth?? [He begins to fake the fear] W-Wh... How would I- Oh my God. Ohmygod.

[He's done pretending and gets serious] I can tear down a swarm of velociraptors with bazookas strapped to their heads. Yeah. I got my rows lined up and a big ass cheerleader pyramid of killing machines. You got that completely right, sugar.

So, you have a name gorgeous?

[alltostopentities]

All I see is a fool who seeks to play god with forces that would eventually have overwhelmed him.

[handsomejack]

And all I hear is a lame excuse for a dip shit pretending he knows better.

You get overwhelmed if you can't handle it. As for God? I can kick that guy's candy ass six ways from Sunday.

[alltostopentities]

I have encountered multiple cosmic horrors on my travels throughout the multiverse.
Of all of them, only one has survived my attacks.
What I do, I do to ensure that such horrors never threaten the multiverse again

You struggled to control ONE creature. ONE that ultimately fell at the hands of at least one of your pawns.
And for nothing less than your own pathetic desire for power.

-*And don't get me started on the fact that that thing was called Warrior*-

(OOC: How do I do the crossed out text?)

[handsomejack]

Hm? Oh you're still talking? Sorry, must not be able to hear the words of lame ass pieces of shit that have yet to prove they're worth my time.

Lucky for you, I did hear the desire for power bit though. You know, it's not pathetic when you got it in spades.

[ooc: to strike out i think you do this: < strike> WORDS HERE < /strike> without the spaces]

oh my god Jack

[hiswifeaturret]

Even after getting your ass handed to you, you still have the energy to sound like a royal douche? That's some crazy-ass megalomania you've got.

oh my god Axton

[handsomejack]

You know I don't suffer from it- I enjoy every goddamn minute.

And I think I owe you and all your Vault Hunter friends a tremendously large fuck you. You can enjoy your little victory now. Can't wait to spawn somewhere so I can feel the satisfying crunch of your neck in my hands.

[hiswifeaturret]

Careful there, bro. Act any friendlier and people'll start to get the wrong idea.

And hey, respawn whenever you feel like it. I've already called dibs on your mask.

[handsomejack]

Yeah? You'll have to pry it off my cold, dead-

Oh ha ha ha.

Of course you have dibs. Who wouldn't want to have this gorgeous mug?

Vault Hunter~

[phasestrike]

I found the best way for me to get to sleep at night is just replaying my memory of Jack crying like a child that you broke his Warrior.

ThreadJACK

[handsomejack]

Hey you. Yeah. You.

Fuck you.

[phasestrike]

This will be great, I'll just line up every person on Pandora who wants to see you dead, and let them go crazy. Maybe Claptrap will enjoy getting to use some of those assassin moves on you.

so many BL characters, be still my heart!!

[hiswifeaturret]

Watching him bitch was pretty cool, but man— did I get a crazy case of second hand embarrassment.

I just need a Roland to dote over~

[phasestrike]

[ ...She won't say anything about the guy who loves his turret.. ]

Too bad he's not the die to literally die from embarrassment.

TWO HANDSOME JACKS?! This is good.

[phasestrike]

You!

How dare you come back to life?

At least the next time I kill you I'll make sure to drag it on even longer.

THEY MULTIPLY

[handsomejack]

Sup.

Who knew the Siren bitch was such a tease.

You know, it's not gonna matter how badly or how often you want to send me to oblivion, Lilith. Why? Because I had the satisfaction of murdering Roland right in front of you and there wasn't a goddamn thing you or your rag-tag gang of freedom fighters could've done.

Mmm... Yeah. That goes down pretty damn smooth. Better than 50 year old scotch.

[phasestrike]

You killed my boyfriend by going invisible, and you still think you're some sort of Hero? After you own daughter told us to kill you.

Roland was a great man, who did everything he could to protect Pandora. You're just a crybaby who couldn't get his way.

[handsomejack]

Coming from a filthy bandit who uses her special Siren powers to phase walk? Spare me. I AM THE GODDAMN HERO.

Protect Pandora by letting it stay a lawless wasteland run by psychopaths and child-murderers. Yeah. That totally makes sense. If I had it my way, Pandora would've become a paradise. So on one hand you got the shit hole you call home or you got a utopia.

Roland was a fucking idiot, and he deserved worse than being shot in the back. But, you know... when you see an opening and your child is dead on the ground, you take the opportunity when you see it.