Canon why are you a thing.

[catchingfallingcaps]

 Hey, kid.  It's not that I don't appreciate having the chance to stretch my legs, but you got a lot of work to do before you're ready to handle this.

And if it's all the same to you, I don't think I have it in me to play safety net for idiots who like to leap before looking right now.  I thought I'd had enough when we lost Steve.  Then Bucky shows up outta nowhere...

Fury's not all bad, but he doesn't have the greatest people skills and the kid needed someone to keep an eye on him as much as he needed someone who had his back.  Nat's great, too, but they're the same kind of people.  They'll get caught up in all their shadowy pasts if you give 'em half the chance.  

...Don't really know if I did any good in the end.  Not like he ever really listened to me.  Stupid freaking kid.

I miss the hell out of that idiot.

Comments

[catchingfallingcaps]

Okay, you need somethin' other than cheating at cards and beating up shitty people. And don't say Natasha, that don't count.

[kneecaptain]

Hey.

I don't cheat. I'm just good.

[ignoring the rest of that!!]

[catchingfallingcaps]

Suuure.

[ And the smile kinda drops when he realizes he's not going to get to play cards with Bucky anymore... ]

Guess it doesn't do you much good for me to be sayin' this stuff to you now...

[kneecaptain]

[He doesn't cheat.]

Don't worry about me. I always hated that.

[catchingfallingcaps]

[ He laughs, soft and sad. ]

After rollin' with Steve for so long, it's pretty much reflex for the Falcon to worry about Cap. And you would just get so wrapped up in all of that bad shit going on in your head... Steve never wanted that for you.

[ He rubs a hand over his face. ]

I sure as hell didn't.

[kneecaptain]

[He hated it when Steve worried, too, years and years ago, because he was still kid enough to think being called kid was an insult. He'd wanted to prove himself, to be grown-up and useful, not for people to worry about how he'd get broken. Even if he did get broken.

Now it's something else, more complicated, but simple. Giving himself up is the only way Bucky knows how to be good.]

I know. I know, and I didn't want it either, believe me. But who's gonna answer for it, if I don't?

[catchingfallingcaps]

[ He turns to Bucky sharply, both hands on his shoulders. ]

You didn't have to answer for shit. None of what happened, back then or now, was your fault.

[ He pauses. ] Except tryin' to go off without telling any of us. That was pretty damn stupid.

[kneecaptain]

It was a plan. [He has terrific plans.]

[catchingfallingcaps]

Your plans stink.

[kneecaptain]

They work.

…Usually.

[catchingfallingcaps]

Yeah, after we all almost-

[ Die. Fuck. ]

...Forget it.

[kneecaptain]

What?

[He's much less traumatized by his death than Sam is. Gee whiz, I wonder why.]

[catchingfallingcaps]

[ Because Bucky is a jerk, that's why. ]

Believe it or not, kid, some of us are still feelin' kinda down about you kicking off recently. I'm not keen on reflecting on the one stupid plan that actually did get you killed.

[ He hates himself just a little after he says it. He just wants to be happy to see his friend again, the hell is he doing picking fights over bullshit. He lets out a slow breath, his shoulders slumping. ]

...Sorry.

[kneecaptain]

But it didn't.

[Doesn't regret that plan one bit. Wouldn't have regretted it even if he did die. Who has one thumb and is a bit of an idiot, this guuuuy.]

Kill me, I mean.

[catchingfallingcaps]

[ He looks up sharp. ]

...What- Whaddya mean?

[ If this is some false hope shit, he's actually going to hit you, Bucky. ]

[kneecaptain]

They buried an LMD.

It was Natasha's idea.

[catchingfallingcaps]

Jesus, of course it was.

[ He needs a minute to process that. Maybe a few hours. He might need to sit down. At some point, he's also going to decide whether he wants to punch Bucky or hug him more. ]

But. I saw you get hit, you- [ These really aren't memeories he wants to be reliving. And yeah, he's gonna sit down in one of those handy meta chairs that are exactly as uncomfortable as they look, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his thighs and letting his head just hang for a second. ] Jesus, I thought I lost you.

[kneecaptain]

You sorta did.

[He feels less bad about lying to everyone than he probably should, but he does feel a bit bad.]

[catchingfallingcaps]

[ He looks up at him, lost. ]

Why didn't you tell me..

[ He can guess why, but he wants to hear it. ]

[kneecaptain]

You can't disappear without disappearin'.

[catchingfallingcaps]

You shouldn't have to disappear at all.

[kneecaptain]

But I did. I mean, I do.

[catchingfallingcaps]

Did you tell Steve?

[kneecaptain]

Yeah, he knows.

He worked himself into a wreck the last time I didn't die. I couldn't… I didn't wanna make him live with all that again.

[catchingfallingcaps]

Good.

You better come back some day. Steve's not the only one missing you.