the most tentative of voicetests

[missionbegins]

Oh yes, good work, Ms. Mun. I mean it. Are you proud of yourself, being my mouthpiece to this ridiculous website? You're like Miss Pauling, but less useful. After all, do you really expect me to be put in one of those dreadful games everyone goes on about? I don't have time for that, I've got work to do. And even if I did have the time (which I don't -- I've already used my annual vacation, and those damnable squirrels didn't even reach full rebellion against my arbitrarily installed squirrel leaders), I still wouldn't let you entertain the thought. So what, exactly, is the point of this exercise in failure?

You're such a disappointment.

Comments

[hasstandards]

Now here's a face I never thought I'd see around here.

[missionbegins]

Do try to contain the overwhelming excitement I'm sure you must feel.

[hasstandards]

Right. Loads of excitement.

[missionbegins]

As much as I'm sure you truly missed me, I can't help but hear a grievance in your tone.

[hasstandards]

No grievances here, miss.

[Just the mildly annoyed tone of a man who thought there was finally a place they wouldn't have to listen to you going on and on over an intercom.]

I don't expect that now you're here that you're gonna put us to work, are you?

[missionbegins]

[You poor fool.]

What do I pay your salary for if not work? I took a look around this place, and there seems to be no shortage of BLU enemies you could be killing. Which, might I reiterate, I pay you to do.

[hasstandards]

S'not really a battlefield here, now is it? No points, no briefcase.

[missionbegins]

So you just sit around and talk with them? Absolutely disgraceful.

[hasstandards]

I'd do some shootin' if it seemed worth my time. I haven't seen a paycheck around here.

[missionbegins]

And here I thought I'd hired a sniper who did it for love of the career. Talk to accounting if there's a problem with payroll.

[hasstandards]

I'd go back to shootin' at game and poachers if that was the case.

[missionbegins]

Would that really give you the same pleasure as putting a bullet in a Spy's forehead, for example? Game and poachers are hardly the same challenge. There's always something to be said for accomplishment.

[hasstandards]

That's true, but you know what else is good? Not getting stabbed in the back on a daily basis. I think I could manage.

[missionbegins]

As long as you remember how I feel about betrayal.

[hasstandards]

[Eyes narrowing.]

I remember. What about it?

[missionbegins]

I believe we've discussed this once before, hypothetically not being friends. Is it really something we need to rehash during this lovely reunion?

[hasstandards]

Of course not. I remember what you said loud and clear.

[And he doesn't look happy about it at all.]

[missionbegins]

[Nope, he sure doesn't! But she's perfectly cheery about it. Well, as cheery as she's capable of. It's more "smug" than "cheery".]

Clarity is such a good thing, don't you think, Mr. Mundy?

[hasstandards]

[His lips press into a thin line, his annoyance etched across his face as she uses his name.]

It is.

You mind if I ask you what's this I'm hearin' about robots?

[missionbegins]

Have you heard something about robots?

[overdosing]

...Well. Isn't this a pleasant surprise.

[ragdolls]

[ beep boop bop wait this isn't one of the mercenaries ]

UNIDENTIFIED HUMAN. UPDATE NECESSARY [ beep beep beep ] DATA UPLOADING IN PROGRESS —

[hasstandards]

I wouldn't've asked otherwise.

[missionbegins]

I suppose I could remove nuance from the conversation. What have you heard about robots?

[hasstandards]

That we're fightin' them rather than each other for some reason. That true?