(no subject)

[norussianplz]

All right, fine. You want to "find a home for me," okay. I can appreciate that, even if I already have one. Remember? That nice place in Manhattan? Only a couple of miles of really bad city traffic from my company? No? That's not ringing any bells? No, of course not. Why would it? You listen worse than Ivan did.

Look, I'll spell it out for you. And just, try to listen, okay, sweetheart? I know it's hard, but try.

You make terrible decisions. You're making another one now. And for the sake of everyone involved, you should stop before you regret it. You really should.

Trust me here. I'm already regretting it.

Comments

[norussianplz]

For a helper monkey, no. But that's the problem, Anthony. You're not a helper monkey, you're a person. A little personal pride and self-respect wouldn't hurt you.

[norussianplz]

It's because the shower's a little complicated to figure out, isn't it? It's okay. It happens to everyone when they're first starting out.

[norussianplz]

Keep your hands to yourself, Typhoid Mary. I've gone this long without getting a disease, I don't need your germs ruining my clean bill of health.

[norussianplz]

You know, if I was, I probably would. But I don't think it's possible to get cured of something you don't actually have.

Thanks, though, for looking out for me. I appreciate it.

[norussianplz]

Your problem here, Anthony, is that you're mistaking my dislike for you for some kind of stuffiness on my part, which couldn't be further from the truth. I'm actually a pretty fun guy. I just don't like you.

[norussianplz]

Your argument is based on the conceptual fallacy that you are, in fact, fun and therefore would draw other fun individuals to you. But you're not. You're just rich. And people are only pretending to like you because

A, you're Iron Man,
B, you have lots of money, and
C, if they want to get laid, they know you're always available.

You're a rich, easy lay who's also a superhero. But that doesn't make you fun. If you were fun, people would call again the next day.

[norussianplz]

[HE DOESN'T LIKE YOU, ANTHONY. YOU'RE A DICK. WHY IS THIS HARD FOR A GENIUS OF YOUR SUPPOSED CALIBER TO FIGURE OUT?]

How do you know they try to call you when you don't actually give them your number?

[norussianplz]

Okay, do you ever listen to yourself? Like, ever?

[And this right here is why he doesn't like you.]

[norussianplz]

You. You are the problem. How is this not clear to you?

[Yeah, that? Might have something to do with it.]

[norussianplz]

[You know what's great about being a genius? Being able to see that little hamster wheel spinning and knowing which direction it's headed in.

So this would be Justin Hammer, putting his hand on his hip and giving him his flattest of stares.]

I don't know, Anthony. You tell me.

[norussianplz]

Really? Why is that?

[And oh, but he looks curious. Like he really wants to know why anyone in their right mind would believe that he would’ve acknowledged something that was no doubt deeply humiliating to the biggest asshole on the planet.

Like it’s quite frankly impossible to understand why he might have kept his mouth shut, given the number of floozies, bimbos, and gold-digging sluts who have publicly breezed through the revolving door that is Tony Stark.

It’s baffling. Simply mind-boggling.]

I’m really curious here, Anthony. Why would I do that?

[norussianplz]

It's always about you, isn't it? How you feel. How it makes you look. You never once stop to consider how anyone else might feel about anything.

[Waspish shrews the world over have got nothing on Justin Hammer right now.]

Maybe you might want to consider how it makes me feel to even have this conversation right now. Because you know, Anthony? It makes me feel bad. Really, really bad.

[And that's God's honest truth.]