[Steve would prefer talking about getting beat up in alleys and his failure with girls...or even his embarrassing failures with Peggy than this.
It's tempting to try to avoid the subject more, but it won't make it easier for anyone, no matter how much he wants to find some words to ease the blow.]
Eventually, I'll come back but...I'm killed. And the world needs Captain America so Tony gives you my shield and you take on the role.
[Steve barely remembers to keep his strength in check, almost forgetting that he's not the ninety pound asthmatic anymore. Holding on tightly, he keeps whispering 'I'll come back. I promise I'll come back.'
This is the worst part of what happens. He's not afraid of dying but he knows what happens to the people he cares about after he's gone and it tears him apart.]
You're the one I'd want to have it. [He lets out a shaky laugh, trying to make this easier but Steve knows he can't.] You did say you were turning into me.
[But having someone leaning on him makes him stronger. Always has.]
Not asking you to replace me. Just - I know you'll take care of it. [His shield, the uniform, the ideals he'd fought for.] Even when I come back, you still keep my shield.
[...I know. And I rely on you in lots of ways. But you have too many people relying on you, and sometimes I worry about that. When you were small, I relied on you, too, but it was kinda simpler because I could easily, tangibly help you.]
[Sometimes Steve misses when it was simpler but he doubts that even if he could change things, he would. Not that there's ever been a time when he didn't need Bucky no matter if he was smaller or taller.
Letting out a quiet sigh, he tries to think of a way to explain it without going into the hatreds that Civil War had caused.]
I was going to be put on trial for being a traitor. [There's a slight pause. He doesn't want to bring up Sharon since it hadn't been her fault.] I was shot on the steps of the courthouse while I was being lead inside.
[You're great as you are. And I'm delighted you have the chance to help people just like you always wanted. But you were still a good person, still someone I was proud to be friends with, before. Someone I was proud to need, and to be needed by.]
[watching your face uneasily, only too aware there's a lot you're not saying]
[the words explode out of me] A traitor? You're not a damn traitor!
[It's always been a relief that Bucky was never angry with the choices he'd made. What he'd done...most people would have thought he was crazy or assumed that he'd done it for the wrong reasons but Bucky had understood. And he'd never thought Steve was less because he didn't live up to certain ideals.
Which part should he avoid? The part where he and his other best friend almost killed each other? Or that his girlfriend killed him?
Despite everything, he has to grin at Bucky's reaction.]
I was a traitor. There was a Civil War and I didn't side with the government so I was technically a traitor.
[For a few seconds, Steve simply looks lost, hoping that he'll figure out a way around this that the other versions of him hadn't.] Seems like if Tony and I quit being stubborn and listen to each other, it doesn't happen. It's rare, but it happens a couple of times.
[But the mention of the uniform causes him to grin.] Good thing, 'cause your Cap uniform's tighter than mine.
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It's tempting to try to avoid the subject more, but it won't make it easier for anyone, no matter how much he wants to find some words to ease the blow.]
Eventually, I'll come back but...I'm killed. And the world needs Captain America so Tony gives you my shield and you take on the role.
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[staring at you, absolutely shattered; this is basically the only news that could drive all thought of what you've said about me out of my head]
[brokenly] Hell -- hell with that.
[catching you up in a fierce, convulsive hug, partly so you won't see my face]
I don't care if he's the wrong size in the icon
This is the worst part of what happens. He's not afraid of dying but he knows what happens to the people he cares about after he's gone and it tears him apart.]
You're the one I'd want to have it. [He lets out a shaky laugh, trying to make this easier but Steve knows he can't.] You did say you were turning into me.
<33333333
[I am not crying]
[I will admit to being terrified of you dying, though]
[shakily] Steve, jeez... I could do worse than turn into you, but it's so wrong. I'm not you. You're Captain America.
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He's not crying either. Nope.]
I'm not Captain America. I'm that skinny kid who never knew how to run. The rest...it has to carry on. Even when I'm not here to wear the uniform.
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But it's the skinny kid I'll miss. I can't replace either...
[sigh] If I have to, and it's what you want, I will.
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Not asking you to replace me. Just - I know you'll take care of it. [His shield, the uniform, the ideals he'd fought for.] Even when I come back, you still keep my shield.
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I, I guess I can do that.
Steve?
[I don't want to ask]
How'd you die?
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Letting out a quiet sigh, he tries to think of a way to explain it without going into the hatreds that Civil War had caused.]
I was going to be put on trial for being a traitor. [There's a slight pause. He doesn't want to bring up Sharon since it hadn't been her fault.] I was shot on the steps of the courthouse while I was being lead inside.
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[watching your face uneasily, only too aware there's a lot you're not saying]
[the words explode out of me] A traitor? You're not a damn traitor!
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Which part should he avoid? The part where he and his other best friend almost killed each other? Or that his girlfriend killed him?
Despite everything, he has to grin at Bucky's reaction.]
I was a traitor. There was a Civil War and I didn't side with the government so I was technically a traitor.
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[Hell, your life is your life, Steve.]
[instantly] Then the government was wrong.
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There were realities where it didn't happen. If we hadn't been so stubborn...
But you get my shield and keep it even after I come back. It's kinda funny. Two of us runnin' around in the tights.
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Stubborn?
[a trace of a grin] My thighs'd be pretty impressive in tights.
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[For a few seconds, Steve simply looks lost, hoping that he'll figure out a way around this that the other versions of him hadn't.] Seems like if Tony and I quit being stubborn and listen to each other, it doesn't happen. It's rare, but it happens a couple of times.
[But the mention of the uniform causes him to grin.] Good thing, 'cause your Cap uniform's tighter than mine.
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Ah, I've heard things about Tony. Doesn't sound like listening to him'd be too easy.
[snorts] Jeez. Did I decide that?!
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[Nope. He's not grinning over those tights. Not at all...] Dunno. Figured if you didn't like 'em you wouldn't have worn 'em.
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Okay, fine, so I'll give him a chance. If I ever meet the guy.
[looking down at my legs, brow furrowed, trying to imagine -- then I swat you] Stop smirking, you.