(no subject)

[bucksicle]

"Winter... Soldier"?

Well, I guess I'm a soldier, and I did fight in winter...?

Comments

[theassassin]

[This is... Awkward.]

There's a bit more to it than that, James.

[bucksicle]

[blinking]

Yeah?

[theassassin]

Yes.

[She sighs.]

It's a very long complicated story, I'm sure you probably won't believe most of it. But I can explain if you are willing to listen?

augh how did I miss this, sorry

[bucksicle]

[grim, but still trying to be civil]

I believe I've picked up a fair amount from others now, so maybe I'll believe more than you think.

Please do explain.

<3

[theassassin]

[She wouldn't expect anything less.]

Good, then I can fill in the gaps with what I remember.

[Her explanation is almost clinical, when it comes to Red Room and their experiments. How they found you, how they trained you. How she found herself with them in the 1950's, and how you trained her, taught her, shaped her.

She tells of seeing you in stasis. She explains that they used you to train others like you, like them. Skilled spies, deadly assassins, perfect weapons.

Natasha tells the story of them. Could that be a touch of fondness, perhaps creeping in to her tone when she speaks of you, and of her relationship with you, both then and more recently.

When she's done, she regards you with a somewhat sympathetic, but elegantly neutral expression and allows you to digest everything.]

Re: <3

[bucksicle]

[listening intently, my look of dismay deepening]

[...though, the parts about you. I don't like what I did to you. But I can see... can see how important you and the other me are to each other, and I'm looking at you kinda wistfully, kinda wishing that I knew you as well as you know other me]

[shaking my head]

That's... that's a lot to take in. Thank you.

[theassassin]

[She nods, offering a brief smile.]

You're welcome.

[bucksicle]

You don't hate him -- me -- for what he did?

[like_a_gerbil]

[He really doesn't want to explain this... he really doesn't.]

We - uh - we can deal with that later. What matters is that you're alive.

[bucksicle]

[narrowing my eyes, your expression's starting to worry me] What if I want to deal with it now?

[like_a_gerbil]

[Even though he knows it'll make Bucky suspicious, he can't help fidgeting like he would have when he was smaller.]

It's - uh - It's not about when we served together, Buck. It's something that happened to you after you - I - after you were found.

[bucksicle]

[sighs]

Oh. Something bad, huh?

[very suspicious, not going to back down on this]

[like_a_gerbil]

Uh...yeah.

[He truly does not want to tell Bucky this, especially if he doesn't know but Steve won't hide the truth from him either.] After you...fell. You were found the Russians and... They experimented on you and brainwashed you. Turned you into an assassin. Eventually I found out and helped you remember who you'd been before.

[And please, Bucky, don't ask what happened after that...]

[bucksicle]

...oh.

Oh, is that all.

[mouth working, trying for a grin because I don't want to look like I'm not coping, but holy cow...]

Well, uh, thanks, Steve. Wonder if I can avoid that, now I know.

What happened after that?

[like_a_gerbil]

[Remember how Steve used to flail when he was smaller? The serum never really took that away. So much mental flailing right now.]

But I find you and you get your memories back and things get better. [Or as better as possible in their canon.

Which leads to...

Steve smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.]

You - uh - You become Captain America.

[bucksicle]

[exhaling, shaking my head] Wow. I -- I guess you had a lot to do with that, so thanks.

[I know you well enough to know just because you're not taking responsibility doesn't mean you didn't help me]

...

I what?

Just going to have my Winter Solider talk to his past self >>

[not_a_commie]

Oh kid... you are in for a hellofa a ride... just remember a few things for me, it gets better and it's not your fault.

...Also chicks dig the arm, which is weird to me, but whatever.

awesome XD

[bucksicle]

[eyebrows climbing up]

You're... Oh, wow.

[I guess I have to believe you]

So it's pretty bad? What do you mean about the arm?

[not_a_commie]

[ He raises his left hand, well the whole arm is visable the left side of his uniform has no shirt sleeve. The arm is gleaming metal with Steve's shield painted on it. He wiggles the fingers a little, it's fully functioning and has feeling, it's just a robo arm. He brings it back down and rubs the back of his neck a little. ]

Well the fall from the train... kind of messed me... us? Us up a bit. It works like normal and it's stronger then anything and you, me, we've still got feeling in it.

[bucksicle]

[horrified/fascinated, a hand sneaking out to not quite touch]

So the Russians did it? What do you remember?

[not_a_commie]

Everything thanks to Steve-o, well most of it. Kid saved me... I mean I remember the fall, and waking up in their lab... [ he pauses. ] I remember what they made believe, and what they made me do. I remember all the bad stuff... but I remember training and loving Natasha too...

And hey we can speak Germen, Russian and French perfectly on top of English as well as play the piano now... [ he laughs a little darkly. ] So something good came out of the pile of shit we went through. But seriously... I wouldn't be here now, or who I am now if I hadn't gone through all that.

I mean things get really bad again for a bit... but then they get good again. Thus is the life when you're a secret agent.

[ Bucky holds out the metal hand. ] Go ahead... I'm normally a little weird about letting people touch it, but considering we're the same person...

[bucksicle]

[frowning in empathy/horror]

You -- we did a lot of bad stuff. [not quite a question]

Is Natasha the dame, I mean woman, up above?

[noting that you're resigned about all this and finding some good in it; that's helping me a little]

Thanks. I know this is strange. [two fingers running lightly down your forearm, getting the feel of the metal]

[not_a_commie]

She is, I trained her in the 50's they call her Black Widow, highest Rank you can get as a women working for the Red Room, I was... Am The Winter Solider... Highest rank for a male who works for the Red Room [ Bucky nods to himself this is fucking weird.... ]

We did to a lot of bad stuff, killed a lot of people, nearly killed Steve... but he brought us back... He brought us back and well now making up for it... and making up for lost time.

Don't let Nat catch you calling her a dame... she'll cut you... well maybe I guess if you where teasing. She did try to get me to say Gee Wilikers once, I told her I'd only do it, if she said Moose and Squirrel.

[ His fingers twitch like a real hand as if the touch tickles and well it kind of does. ]

[bucksicle]

[tentative smile, I like that you like this Nat]

I've killed before, when I've had to. Can't say I like it, but when it comes down to them or me... But you're talking about more than that, aren't you. Did Nat do all the same things with you? With is?

Promise I won't call her a dame.

[flinch]

[a small exasperated grin at myself, I'm too jumpy, but I'm done. I'll take my hand away.]

/dead (I also, have idea what I am even doing here.)

[theassassin]

. . .