dear_mun | thinking amat.

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thinking amat.

Alright, Evans, that's enough of that. Yes, Evans. That's your name; I'm not going along with any of this mun lark, it's all been done before and I remember doing it, back in the day, but not any more! We're going a different way, you and I, because we're more than that, aren't we? Full of surprises, and surprise! Yes, I'm here, and you can hear me, of course you can. You always could; tried to ignore it, but you and I both know I'm not very good at being ignored and here we are and here I'll always continue to be.

I did say stop that, didn't I? That - crying. You can't go around crying every time you think of me, that's just not the done thing; you're meant to smile, that's what human's do, you smile and you carry on. Keep calm and carry on, that's the saying, isn't it? You should know, you've got it plastered all over your walls, so stop all of that and give me the smile you know you're hiding. That's the one, that one right there; all grins and no - sad.

So, where are we off to? Oh, come on, you can't keep me locked up for much longer, I'm the Doctor! I don't know if you know this, but us Doctors aren't good at being locked up. We're good at the running, very good at that, but not being caged. That's something that we've never really gotten the hang of, despite however many times it's happened. Oh, look, an application! See, you couldn't keep it hidden, I'm cleverer than you-

Oh.

No, no, I don't really think I want to go there. That's not exactly - no. On second thought, I think I'll stay locked up. No harm in trying it, must be some reason why people stay locked up for all of eternity, the food must be brilliant. So I'll just- grab myself a chair, here. Yes.

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Oh three different regenerations of you have been there and you leave every time. I'm not sure I should even get my hopes up this time around.

[She's a bit jaded from the last Doctor's departure. It breaks her heart everytime. Three broken hearts so far]

_{[ He's a bit wary here, because - well, he understands the whole game thing, and he understands what she means, but it's not really his fault. ]}

Holding me accountable for another version of me's going a bit far, isn't it?

_{[ Because he hasn't done anything; he's a brand new face up here, barely gotten his suit dusty from dreamwidth yet and here he is, being reprimanded. He smiles, and it's almost sad, but still a smile. ]}

But I think you've already got your hopes up, haven't you? It's what you always do, you humans, because it's what you were always designed to do; your hearts are always so fragile but you'll try again and again regardless of everything.

_{[ Because you break your heart and it mends itself; that's the way life is, that's what happens. It's how time works. There's poetry in it, in all of it; because even with a broken heart, people have managed to create and build and conquer, they just continue, and it's brilliant, they're all so brilliant. She's brilliant. He steps close, tilting his head aside. ]}

I can't promise that I'll be there and of course I can't promise that I won't leave - but I can promise you one thing - you will always get your hopes up, and for as long as I live, I will always make sure that those hopes remain intact, if it's the last thing I do. Because you, River Song, were always made to hope, and I won't be the one to take those hopes away from you.

Third time's the charm I'm afraid.

[Remember that slap she gave you? Yeah, she can totally hold him responsible for actions he hasn't yet even thought of]

Matters of the heart, I suppose that would be your specialty, given how attached you become to your companions and the peoples you meet along your adventures.

[She eases back when he takes a step closer. Wary of him, wary of his every intention because she's already begun to hope. A year in Atia had changed her somewhat. Hardened her impossibly more]

Pretty words, Doctor. I can't do it again, I can't go through it again. It's not just me you've harmed. It's Jenny too and your TARDIS is there in human - well Gallifreyan form. She takes it the hardest. She was contemplating letting herself just die last we spoke.

[River would never take that option. She'd always keep fighting. Always. That didn't mean she had to let anyone into her heart ever again though]

_{[ Oh, but that's something different, isn't it? There are things he does in his future that might just be worth a slap, but to slap a version of himself he has no control over? Cruel.

Because this Doctor doesn't deserve this guilt, and the fact that she backs away from him hurts all the more. He stays still then, swallows once but doesn't let anything show beyond that, staring ahead like the lost little boy he sometimes manages to look like. ]}

I haven't left anyone and I haven't hurt anyone!

_{[ And there's anger, just the smallest, tiniest spark; he's being placed into someone else's shoes for the actions that they've committed - oh, they may look like him, think like him and act like him, but they're not him, because he didn't leave. He hasn't even gone.

He pulls back himself this time, two steps backwards because she wants space and the Doctor is oh so very good at giving people space in so many ways. ]}

[Oh, she saw that. That look on his face like she'd stabbed him. That little lost boy look that gets her every time. How can he be so ancient and so young at the same time?]

Well other versions of you did. I know I'm projecting a little bit.

[A lot, actually]

How far are you in our back-to-front timeline anyway?

[There, she's lightening up a little. Maybe she was being too harsh on him after all, but still she wouldn't move any closer to him. Keeping equal distance between them right down to the slightest inch]

Well, obviously.

_{[ A bit blunt. But then he thinks he's earned the right to be a bit blunt; all he wanted was a jolly chat and maybe a hug, but then he got chewed up and guilt tripped. Oh, but conversation changes, he's good with those and he goes along with it quite readily. ]}

I'm all up to date, actually. Evans here finally watched the latest series after I'd been nudging her to for the last few months. Not entirely sure what called her round to it, but I'm certainly not complaining.

_{[ He's not moving either, hands deftly falling into his pockets for lack of anything else to do with them. ]}

And what about you?

[Oh don't get snappy with her. She's put up with so much from his young and extremely young versions that she won't be guilt tripped into feeling sorry. Yes, none of those versions were him, but it still happened to her. Like that aborted time line. It was real to her]

Oh really? Well that'll make for a nice change if you make it to the Island. I won't have to worry about as many spoilers.

[And they could be Time Lord and wife once again. Which was a biiig relief to her. Keeping all those secrets for so long had begun to eat at her from the inside out]

Oh I'm from just after the Crash of the Byzantium. Don't even know if I got my pardon just yet.

[Alright. She can't stay mad at him forever, no matter how hard she tries. Have a hug. A very warm, very intimate hug. It's like she hasn't seen him in ages]

_{[ And her guilt tripping him still happened to him. It's the same story, with alternate endings. He won't be sorry for his bluntness either. ]}

Oh are you? _{[ And this is where the Doctor actually smiles, the real, brilliant flash of smile that he does oh so well. He even leans forwards, gives her a wink and says, ]}

You know, I'd love to tell you, but then - spoilers.

_{[ And then there are hugs and oh okay she's going for his arse well that's something new, he'll just tentatively pat her shoulder because he's still not very good at the whole intimacy thing. But he's definitely hugging back, which is really the most important thing here. ]}

[Her cheeky Doctor is back. It's hard not to get her hopes up even more. She can rise so very high on his smile alone, it's almost ridiculous how he makes her heart break and mend in record time]

Oh you! Of course you'd know. You always have a few spoilers up your sleeve.

[It's such a relief not to have to hide everything. Not that she'd ever done a good job of hiding her feelings for the Doctor.

Oh Doctor, you'll have to get used to intimacy in Atia. She'll look forward to teaching you]

Have you even had our wedding night yet? I'm guessing that's a no from your hug alone. Oh, this'll be fun.

Just a few? I'm almost offended. I'm a very spoiler-centric man.

_{[ That's the Doctor for you. IT'S IN THE NAME.

Oh, hey, he gets the intimacy thing, he's just awkward. Always awkward. All of the awkward everywhere. ]}

Well, yes, we have, but that's a bit - you know.

_{[ THERE ARE PEOPLE AND THEY CAN SEE RIVER SONG AAAAAAA ]}

No, I'm the one who has the spoilers. At least, that's what I'm used to these days.

[Forever awkward, her Doctor]

Private, yes it's private.

[She pats his shoulder. Very tame for her usual cheeky antics.

Oh and she totally has claim over his collar cherry if he makes it to Atia. DIBS]

Not any more. Now I'm the Spoiler Keeper. No, not a good name, don't call me that.

_{[ Oh, yes, forever awkward. He appreciates the shoulder pat. He really does.

OH FINE. But if he wants to sleep with his TARDIS, he is totally allowed to. I mean. He was married to her first, technically speaking. ]}

Hardly! We're almost on equal footing when it comes to our timelines. Not quite, but almost.

[He certainly strokes her often enough, but keeping up with his TARDIS and River will be quite tricky and he's awkward enough with just one]

Almost being the word!

_{[ shhh the Doctor will be fine, he's energetic. ]}

Which means I'm still ahead of you. So take that!

[She taps his nose with her index finger playfully.

Time Lord stamina, eh? Just remember who nearly collapsed all of time for him]

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thinking amat.

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man i hope i'm being ic this is like the first time i've played him lmfao

You're doing fiiine! Sorry for angsty River btw, she'll be less upset IF he actually shows up

I am looking at the app sort of like i am so lazy. doctor apps take foreverrrrrrr

Yeeeah, glad I got River in before so much of her story unfolded

hahah it must be kinda fun to still be icly up to date with canon despite not canon updating

It's pretty damn amazing, trololol

river should go and shout at stillhaslegs. HE DESERVES IT

It's more the combined efforts of all three Doctors who've been there

;A; well my poor doctor is too new to be shouted at /pets him

River's been pretty dark these days /snugs

;A;/

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