Tentative voice-test

[dirkinmypocket]

So you're really going through with this.
I'd tell you that I admire your balls, but we both know they're underwhelming.
For the sake of this farce let's say you've more than got a mere pair.
No, they're cast-iron beauties, girded up so you can take me firmly in hand.
I'd be all over this shit.
Pulling a puppetmaster double reach around in all it's fucking glory.
With you jerking my strings and bending me over while I lovingly orchestrate this stage we're all set to burst out on.
But here's the thing.
That's where your little show falls apart.
You can't handle this.
You couldn't puppeteer your way out of a paper bag.
You're lacking in subtlety, bro.
So just step back from the keyboard, and we'll pretend this never happened.

Comments

[haxxorbitch]

yeah i p much fuckin agree its like
these puns just cant measure up 2 us
*muns fuck
how is there no pun opporutnity there omg
but anyway
yeah
its kinda howpeless
i mean ur mun has his ball problem
n mine
s tryign to play me w/out EVAR haivasng a DRINksdf:K
god i need anothers ome just thinking baout it
its hard bein a muse n having amun
its hard n no1 undsertands

[hopefulpageturner]

Isn't that a bit mean dirk?
Implying that they can only take you so far?
Why not cheer him on!
I bet theyll do great.

[dirkinmypocket]

I understand.
I'm not even saying that to be contrary.
Of course, to continue in that vein, there's a certain layer of humor to our situations.
It's grossly unsubtle, but if your mun can command your legendary drunk text without even a drop of liquor, they have all my commendations.
A truly astounding feat of play-acting.
I wish I could say the same of my own mun, but he's profoundly incapable of mastering my subtleties.

[dirkinmypocket]

Your hope springs eternal.
That's just like you.
I wish I could share in it, but I've seen the disorganization in here.
This will be an unmitigated disaster, mark my words.
Like a blinded minotaur, hot blood streaming from his abused sockets, let into a museum of delicate and exquisitely preserved Grecian urns.
I don't think I need to elaborate further on the logical conclusion of that metaphor, do I?

[elegant_clown]

WoAh
YoUrE lIkE dAvE's SiS oNlY sMaLlEr AnD a BrO

[haxxorbitch]

oh yeah shes an mf ARTSIT with me its flat outta bannanas goes str8 to WATERMELONS
she just like
i guess it cud be worse
its kinda personal n complicated tween us
its like how it was with my mom cept shes only sister age
i iwsh i didnt have 2 put up w/ her bullshit but @ the same time
she understands me
i guess
and by now id CANT leave her bc th3n i wouldnt b teh same PERSON
just some other chick whos like pink and smashed a lot
probably way more smashed
ur lucky that wy
*way
i swaer u might not b able 2 even read me if i were some of the other roxies

so what about you u got some hope under those shades for ur mun or not

[hopefulpageturner]

I would hope not.
Half the time your metaphors come across and make sense to me the first time.
I just think you need to have some faith in the guy!

[moveslikestrider]

man for someone that wants to come out and rock it with the big boys youre sure going about it wrong
but sure kick that one in the ribs a few times and get that iron chair

this is the second time ive had to slide in
never thought id see the day im riding in with some majestic beast between my godly legs
just that ringing chime going on and cape flapping
check out that sweet motherfucker telling you to hold up there
because not like any of them can be perfectly as rad as we are
setting the bar that high at the start makes them twitchy
you get out the whip and tazer when they have to write to get your ass into some misery infested shit hole

whoops fell asleep early last night

[dirkinmypocket]

Your confidence in my reading skills is truly inspiring.
I'll have you know I've become fluent in even the most smashed dialect of drunk text.
But I do appreciate the effort to be more readable for me.
Easier on the eyes, you know.

But to answer your question, hope is under the purview of our mutual acquaintance with the quaint and almost endearing speech patterns.
The mun has some potential hidden under that shitty shale exterior.
There's a good chance I can whip him into shape.
Crack him open to release that gaseous gold mine underneath.
With a little creative marketing of that shit, we're good to go.

[dirkinmypocket]

I just said that hope and faith is your thing, not mine.
You've got more than enough hope for all of us.
It'll come back to bite you in the rump someday.
The harsh world will come down with the sledgehammer of despair right on your innocent, upturned face.
Explode that hope right in front of you and knock you hard, right across the medium.
But don't worry, bro, I'll be there for you.
I'll swoop in ready for the triage and catch you with these dextrous fingers of mine in a warm, puppety embrace.
I'll string you back together good as gold.
Of course, you could avoid all that by developing some healthy skepticism.
Which you won't, but we'll still love you for it anyway.

[dirkinmypocket]

Technically, you're not wrong with that statement.
But you're not right either.
Let's call that shit a draw and move on.
D. Strider, at your service, and wondering how you know Dave.

[dirkinmypocket]

Who's this fucker telling me to don the kid gloves and whip out the cotton batting?
I'm just laying down the law for this bro that wants to stick his arm up my ass to do lip service to the masses.
If he wants to pretend to control me, he'd better have more than lame finger flapping in his repertoire.
You can't just yank hard on my strings without a plan and expect me to come off as a bona fide Strider.
If he can't take a little well-earned criticism, he can't handle my intricacies.
So I gave him a little ultimatum; man up or get the hell out of dodge.

[moveslikestrider]

dude backing off a bit isnt saying let them be a pussy its saying oh hey maybe let you find your feet a little before i bury you puppet ass and send you flying from the roof
this is a partnership deal if they crumble then were stuck with them and their lack of confidence
then suddenly youre that bar friend listening to your drunk co worker talk about the boss and whine about wanting a raise
oh shit if only theyd notice all my hardwork theyd say and youre rolling your peepers up behind your shades wondering how you got here
but you know
you so know

Re: whoops fell asleep early last night

[haxxorbitch]

h creative mark8ing will b th most IPORTANT thign
just
all u need to do si say ur bein you
*is
and then no1 will realize teh lack of your intimiable randess

and fuck you your vision probbly sucks wearin shitty shades all the time

[dirkinmypocket]

Imitation and the immutability of my radness is precisely the problem we're facing, me and him.
Tackling that mountain of delicately stacked plush will take time and dedication, to not upset the whole thing on our heads.
Or maybe that's exactly what we need; he could use an inundation or two.
Warm up his appreciation of the subjects near and dear to the enigma of me.
It'll be like field research, plumbing away in anthropological abstraction at the temple to the cult of Strider.
Sounds like a blast, actually.

And my eyes are just sensitive.
Or maybe I'm protecting humanity from the sheer mesmerizing force of my gaze.
Oops, it happened again. Just one look and they forget to breathe.

[elegant_clown]

WeLl DaVe Is Up AnD bEiNg A gIrL iN mY uNiVeRsE
AnD sHe Is Up AnD bEiNg My KiSmEsIs

[hopefulpageturner]

Then i ought to just give you some of it then! i dont need so much!
Haha dirk i cant say i fully understand this metaphor other than you think its going to be bad for me in the end.
Why do you have to be so flowery all the time anyways?
I dont know if id really enjoy a puppety embrace but if you think that will save me!
But i think itll be just fine and dandy!
Shucks i dont think youre going to need to worry about anything on my part either!
But its nice to see that youd be a stand by guy and help me out when im down in the dumps!

[dirkinmypocket]

Nah, I wasn't even being close to flowery.
Just a little gently intoned metaphor right there.
But if you want to see some real flowery shit right here, I'll take you right past the metaphor and to the most absurdly literal ridiculousness.
I'll dump a humongous pile of flowers on you so thick that their perfume will dance on the air right before your eyes.
You won't be able to move for all the fucking flowers.
I'll weave you the most badass crown of daisies, sweet alyssum, and jasmine you ever did lay eyes on.
Dress you up with a gentlemanly boutonniere of hawthorn and oak leaves.
Line every path you tread with camellias and flowering almond and plant juniper outside your door.
As we descend even further into absurdity, I'll string up every room with garlands of chrysanthemums, arum, and honeysuckle.
Deliver a fresh bunch of daffodils, violets, and heliotrope every morning.
To brighten each evening, I'll send a big old vase of tulips and peach blossoms.
Only the best dreams for you, my good man, so you'll find your bed strewn with lime blossoms and deep red poppies.
And to top it all off, that final touch to wrap it all together, a sprig of hemlock and sardony.
Now that's some impressive flowery shit right there.
I've truly outdone even my best today.

[dirkinmypocket]

So we've got alternate timelines going on in this place.
I figured that already, but the extra confirmation never hurts.
The question of the hour is if it has any effect for me and mine.
Something to ponder over, certainly.

[dirkinmypocket]

I'll concede that sending him flying from any roof would be a bit much for him to take.
This is a thing that's still toddling around bumping into chairs and end tables.
Gotta find our feet and get a feel for the new space.
Learn to walk and run before we learn to strife.
Some adjustment for both of us, if it continues to be a thing.
It looks like it will, but right this instant I've got some other things on my mind.
Like the color you're using.

[moveslikestrider]

learn to dodge and slide before you get past novice
adjusting is pretty much a thing that takes a while
like rl tetris with moving people in theater chairs
someone beatboxing all the classics as you slide that straight piece in
level change
and really my color
why is that i wonder

[elegant_clown]

I dOnT tHiNk So MaN
ItS mOrE lIkE wErE rUnNiNg AlL uP aNd BeSiDe EaChOtHeR bUt NeVeR uP aNd SaYiNg Hi Or WaRnInG aBoUt StUfF

[hopefulpageturner]

Thats rather impressive man!
But how would you even get all of those things to my island?

[dirkinmypocket]

Well shit, I should have expected that to come up daisies.
I have my ways, bro, I have all the ways.
I might enlist the help of a certain lushly attributed friend of ours.
Or I'd just get myself sendificated with some jonquil for simplicity's sake.
Nah, I like the first plan better.

[hopefulpageturner]

I think you mean 'come up roses'
Besides man im not really a flowers type!
Maybe if i was a girl id be thrilled over this!
But theyre not really my thing!
Thanks for the offer though!