On being chipped

[deadpoet]

Hello, I've got a idea. Rather than wait all those episodes for those government bastards to play around with my head, how about you go and leave me unchipped. You get the big bad me, I get to do whatever I like without a bloody killer migraine whenever I find myself feeling a little peckish. Everybody wins. Maybe not the blokes that get killed, but I can't say I really give a damn about them.

Better yet, let's go a bit before that where I still have that nice shiny ring. That way when you send me into that personal hell with two slayers, I don't find myself filling a Hoover within a week.

Comments

3/3

[herotypical]

That's...not so well behind us, is it? Not actually?

Not for you?

[ and that, my friends, is the sound of the aforementioned penny dropping an awfully long way.

awh, crap. ]

[deadpoet]

What's with that look? I expected it to be more behind me than it was you.

[herotypical]

N-nothing.

[ she clams up. her expression grows cold. this is a different monster than the one she'd grown accustomed to dealing with. a different beast than the one she...possibly misses.

her back straightens. ] There was no look. What are you talking about?

[deadpoet]

A look like I'd gone and kicked your puppy. No. Better than that. Like your best bloke kicked your puppy and didn't seem put out by it.

[herotypical]

[ an uncomfortably intuitive spike hits another home run.

buffy, meanwhile, continues behaving childishly: ] I...don't have a puppy.

Or a best bl-- [ no that's a lie. she has one of those now. ]

That's it. I'm voting for chipped.

[deadpoet]

[He rolls his eyes at that.]

Big surprise there.

[herotypical]

[ oh it is on the tip of her tongue: wait a few years and it'll be me lobbying to fix your chip problem. but there is little desire to ingratiate herself to this particular iteration of the vampire. ]

Sans ring, as well. Not that I couldn't take a you wearing it. I mean, I kinda already did that. Way back when.

[deadpoet]

Oh yes, I remember that. I'm thinking I might try wearing the ring somewhere a little bit less accessible.

[With a devilish sort of smirk. He means a toe, actually.]

1/4

[herotypical]

Oh, please. We both know it wouldn't fi--

2/4

[herotypical]

[ with growing dread: ] Fit.

3/4

[herotypical]

[ oh please let some act of god strike her down where she stands. this is too embarrassing to survive. ]

4/4

[herotypical]

Elective surgery could be arranged. I'm sure of it. And I know this guy who's totally golden for a good eunuch joke.

[deadpoet]

[Well Buffy. That's not quite where he expected this conversation to go. He's flattered at least.]

Really now. I'm flattered. Didn't realize you took the time to notice while we were busy trying to kill one another. [A pause.] I take that back. I don't feel as flattered knowing you had the time for that.

[herotypical]

...Face it, Spike. You're not the challenge you think you are. You're no Mount Everest.

[ that's it. fall back on vague insults. ]

[deadpoet]

Not quite what I've heard.

[If you know what he means.]

[herotypical]

[ oh. she knows. and now -- not for the first time -- she wishes she didn't.

but it's difficult not to feel some grief and disappointment over the fact that she isn't potentially gaining a compatriot but an enemy. she doesn't want to stake him. ]

Well. That's what happens when your girlfriend's a psycho. Kinda makes things lean towards the untruthful. [ buuut not so grief-stricken that she won't take a cheap shot at drusilla. ]

[deadpoet]

Had to go and bring her up, didn't you? [Not pleased about that. Less because of the insulting. No. It's because of the heartbreak there.] What's wrong, slayer? Not that I don't enjoy seeing you so upset to see me, but you can't be that worried about me showing up to ruin your peaceful little vacation getaway.

[herotypical]

[ just wait till you learn about the epic decap dust job she did on dru! ]

I confess. It could be worse. [ he could be from a time where he actually cared about who she was dating. maybe, this way, her relationship could be spared the stress.

her working life, though... ]

But who doesn't despise a bee in their bonnet?

[deadpoet]

Not you. Slayers don't vacation. They live, they dust a few vampires, then they manage to go and get themselves killed. Circle of life, love. With all the lion and antelope and nice grassy metaphors to go with it.

[herotypical]

...More like an endless loop-de-loop. Complete with nauseating returns.

[ easier than it should be to hint at that, really. ] Besides. I haven't been...vacationing, per se. Not on purpose. And there have been dustings. And...

And it's not like I have to validate myself to you, Mister One-Step-Forward-Two-Steps-Back.

[deadpoet]

Seems you feel the need to try. Please, continue. I could use a good laugh.

[herotypical]

Laughter is so not what you need.

[ she's thinking chains. she's thinking crosses. she's thinking serious damage control. ]

[deadpoet]

A pint or ten of slayer blood would be better. Pity the mun's got me tied up.

[Figuratively, anyway.]

[herotypical]

I can say with utter confidence that Slayer's blood is not a thing you'll taste again. Not between now and the day you burn.

Literally.

[deadpoet]

And here comes the bloody hero speech. I've changed my mind. A staking might not be half bad.