Voice test redo, still not joining ink_city yet

[minor_setback]

[Following this conversation and eventually making it to Dreamwidth(Just assume it's weeks later), Evil comes striding in confidently. He's wearing a boy scout's uniform. He clears his throat and gets a box of cookies out of hammerspace.]

Greetings, fellow citizens of Dreamwidth. My name is John Smith, and I'm not a cat. I'm from Boy Scout troop #616, and I'm here to tell you all about the wonderfully tasty cookies that I wish to sell you. Did I tell you I'm not a cat?

Anyways, just look at this box of mint cookies! They look tasty, don't they? The first 20 buyers get another box free! Buy them now before they're all gone!

[He didn't mention at all how the cookies contained rat poison. Rat poison that would turn everyone into mindless rats.]

Comments

[stairjumper]

[Here, have a curious little girl]

But...you look like a cat. Kind of a weird one, though.

['Driel would be interested in the cookies, but she doesn't like mint. Bleeach]

Do you always wear clothes?

[minor_setback]

[Evil is kind of thrown off when she sees through his disguise so easily, but he recovers nonetheless.]

Er, only when I'm participating in Boy Scout activities.

[He offers a box to the lady.]

Would you care for some boy scout cookies? Buy one get one free.

[stairjumper]

I didn't think cats wore clothes, ever.

[She eyes the box with distaste] Um, I don't like mint. And I don't have any money. Uncle Lemos doesn't give me an allowance.

[What would she spend it on anyway? He never lets her out in public. Suddenly she brightens]

Can I pet you? [Of course she has manners, but it's a talking cat.]

[minor_setback]

I don't really enjoy the contact, but I suppose, if you must...

I also have other types of cookies. Snickerdoodles, chocolate chips, raisin, cream-filled...

[All of them also poisned with rat poison that will turn people into mindless rats.

[stairjumper]

[Yay, she can pet him! But he won't like it...Awe. Poor kitty. Compromise! Instead of a good scritch behind the ears, he'll get a pat on the head]

Thank you!

[Ooh, chocolate chip. She loves chocolate chip. But still, no money.]

I could trade you something, maybe? I have...um...

[Cue the digging in the pockets. A tissue...a paper clip- what's that doing there? Ah ha! 'Driel pulls out a ball of yarn. A really small ball of yarn, maybe the size of a quarter. She'd been collecting fragments from around the house and winding them up]

Yarn?

[minor_setback]

[That yarn... But people are looking... He'll just take it and save it for later.]

I suppose that will have to do.

[He snatches the ball of yarn aloofly and gives a box of chocolate chip cookies over to the lady, then giving a smile.]

Enjoy~! [And be transformed into a mindless rat!]

oh sweet jesus it's evil the cat

[game_over_pal]

Right. If you ain't a cat, then you're some kinda deformed rat/beaver with the most unfortunate set of buck teeth I've ever seen in my life.

V:3

[minor_setback]

I'm not that either. I'ma boy scout. And I'm selling boy scout cookies. Buy one get one free!

[great_king_penguin]

...a boyscout that probably hurked all sortsa nasty hairballs and shit in those cookies.

[Consideration, and a pause.]

I'll buy the whole lot, on the terms that I don't gotta eat 'em.

[minor_setback]

[Damn. Why are people too smart to fall for his disguises? And how did this Penguin know what he put into the cookies? ...Maybe because this person isn't a person. evil smiles nonetheless.]

Now, when have I said that you have to eat them?

You can have some. Up to 6 boxes. The future destroyer of the universe has to have his fun, you know. And I'm sure that you'll eventually give in and eat them. I've tested them, and many people have said that they were tasty~.

[great_king_penguin]

[He's not smart, it's just what HE would do, really.]

I prefer my food to not come in boxes, thanks. [That's a lie but he still doesn't trust you, pointyjaw.]

[minor_setback]

I can bag them up for you if that's what you want.

[great_king_penguin]

I'll pass.

[minor_setback]

Are you sure? you'll be missing out!

OMG I LOVE YOU! CHILDHOOD!

[defendsearth]

...................Really?

Re: OMG I LOVE YOU! CHILDHOOD!

[minor_setback]

Yes! Really! I've even got more than mint cookies! What flavor would you like? Buy one get one free!

[defendsearth]

If humanity believes this I fear for it and no. I don't want any of your cookies.

[minor_setback]

Why not? They're tasty! I'm sure many others will agree!

[He shoves a box into Dib's hands. Chocolate chips.]

I'll even let you have a free sample.

[defendsearth]

Why do you want me to have them so badly alien cat.

I bet you're trying to brainwash me in some way with your cookies.

Is that it? Is that your scheme? Huh? Huh?

[minor_setback]

I'm a boy scout. ...Who just so happens to be a cat.

[Seriously, what's with everyone being so smart?]

And why on earth would I want to brainwash you? I have no need for some slave. I'm merely selling some cookies for my boy scout troop.

[defendsearth]

You know you remind me of Zim that's why.

[minor_setback]

And who, pray tell, is this Zim?

[defendsearth]

An Irken bent on destorying huminaty and having his race rule the universe. He tries to blend in like you do and claim he's normal and tries to pass things off.

[minor_setback]

I can assure you that I never plan to subjugate anything. I'm just a normal little talking cat who just so happens to be in Boy Scouts. But enough of this prattle. I might suggest to have a little taste of those cookies I gave you.

And this... Irken... He sounds rather... how should I say this... Not that intelligent.

[defendsearth]

Boy, are you evil. I'll give you that.

[minor_setback]

[WHAT?!?]

...How can you possibly know that I'm evil? I never knew that being a boyscout and selling cookies was evil! Oh, how I loathe the smart ones...

[defendsearth]

Tempting me with cookies.... When I know there's something wrong with them. You know something I will keep them but not for eatting.

[minor_setback]

Hmph. And what exactly is wrong with my cookies? You never even opened up the box.

[defendsearth]

[Opens the box cautiously. They look so good. No! This whole thing is too suspicious]

I'll find out when I run some tests on them.

[minor_setback]

[Hmm...]

Very well. Run your tests on them, but just let me remind you that there is absolutely nothing behind you.

[And there isn't.]