(no subject)

[babysealrug]

I would be so honored if you decided to relocate me somewhere.

A fresh start. A renewed perspective on maiming and murder.

Really, I wouldn't mind.

For the record, restarting my career as a criminal genius sounds so thrilling. But let's be realistic. It would be so much better launching a head start with my current employees.

Also. I'll need my desk. It was Ikea. And my carpet. The soft pristine give of baby animals under my feet is irreplaceable. Lastly, my half empty bottle of Dalmore.

Comments

[thingcalledjoe]

[OBVIOUS MOBSTER AS FUCK SPEAK:] Baby animals for the bad guy, eh? Golly, buddy, you must be some fuckin' spook. I thought a slaughterhouse was good enough for me where I come from.

[babysealrug]

Your sarcasm is so charming.

For the record, slaughterhouses are legal. Who's the spook now?

[thingcalledjoe]

What can I say? I'm a charmin' guy, you got me. I had a whole load of material I had ready about your cute villain act and everything.

Slaughterhouses ARE legal. S'how you use 'em. 'Course, the one I knew about was owned by a real rat prick, but that ain't the issue here.

[babysealrug]

Act? Oh, please continue with your own facade. I'm genuinely interested.

I'll pass. I'm managing my own slaughterhouse presently. However, it appears that I have competition to eliminate now.

[thingcalledjoe]

Just sayin'. I seen a movie or eight with this set-up.

[kanyeshrug.] Hey, sure, pal. It ain't my slaughterhouse. The less Clemente, the fuckin' merrier.

[babysealrug]

Right. And the godfather act hasn't been repeated more than a dozen times either.

No no. Don't disappoint me now, mysterious dark brooding stranger. I was figuring we had a rivalry.

[thingcalledjoe]

What the hell's the godfather?

Nah. I got a friend that you could call a dark brooding stranger. I'm the interesting guy.

[babysealrug]

...

For the record, what year is it?

[thingcalledjoe]

1951, where I come from. What?

[babysealrug]

... I suppose that explains your oblivious attitude.

[thingcalledjoe]

The fuck you going on about now? I ain't no Scarface or James Cagney, if that's what ya mean.

[babysealrug]

You certainly aren't.

Please. Demean yourself further. I find it grossly entertaining.

[thingcalledjoe]

Heh heh, fuck you too pal. I don't even like James Cagney.

[babysealrug]

And you aren't a Paul Muni fan either? Or wait. Perhaps you were referring to the real thing. Regardless, just wait until 1983. If you live that long.

I'm not betting on it.

[thingcalledjoe]

Ehhhh... Paul Muni's alright. I'm more of a Robert Mitchum guy.

Then that's a bet you're losin', cuz once you see my wrinkled old ass around you're gonna have to show me what's so exciting about 1983.

[babysealrug]

I suppose I can respect that. Night of the Hunter is a superb inspirational film. Though I've never been fond of the ending.

Oh I will. Though, I was a naive little turd still pissing his pants at that time. A shameful chapter of my life. Why don't you hook yourself up to a respirator and make it to 2012. Then I'll show you a good time.

[thingcalledjoe]

Night of the Hunter? Don't think I heard 'a it. When's that one?

2012? Madonna, they got flyin' cars and shit by then?

hello yes i am here

[maskurbates]

Baby animal fur carpet in the office?

Now that's not something I've ever considered.

um gross go away?????

[babysealrug]

Nobody will ever question the validity of your villainy again.

Though do be careful of the slobbering hideous lunatics who visit you. They have a tendency to stain.

you will have to pry the keyboard from my cold stiff fingers

[maskurbates]

That was my concern; I have a lot of slobbering lunatics visiting me.

The War Room, however...I can see a baby seal skin rug complementing the taxidermied heads of my enemies quite nicely.

trigger warn me about cold stiff fingers pls

[babysealrug]

Saran wrap does wonders.

War room? Now that is something I'm lacking. Along with the taxidermied heads. Personal hobby or...?

i think you mean nsfw warn............

[maskurbates]

I'm sure it does, but why cater to the plebes? If I'm going to spend that kind of money on interior decoration, I want to enjoy it.

I think of them as spoils of war.

um yeah this is kind of pornographic so nsfw TRIGGER WARNING HERE

[babysealrug]

True. I suppose executing them might be more efficient, but some of them are so talented and I can't allow that talent to go to waste.

How inspiring. I may have to look into this. Though, I've never considered myself much of an artist.

[maskurbates]

Oh, I don't personally taxidermy them; I have a guy. Running an underworld is incredibly time consuming, but it's a labor of love.

You look like a guy who can understand that sentiment.

[babysealrug]

I sympathize entirely!

Hmm. I'll have to skim the yellow pages. Bribe them with murder. Oh wait no. Threaten. Sorry. I mix those two up. Anyway. Yes. Threaten them with murder, possibly skin their children if they have any. Make their wives infertile. The usual. Whatever I can do to get my lovely decor.