where the bosses at

[hasthekeys]

You're cute.

This is cute.

When was the last time you dusted off your Tae-bo VHS tapes? That's what I thought. If you can't keep up with Billy Blanks, you certainly can't keep up with me. I have too much to keep up with for you to keep up with all that, too. My keeping up with things skills would blow your mind.

Is that all? We done here? Good.

Comments

[hasthekeys]

I don't think Miss Potts would ever let that happen, sir. No offense intended, but it doesn't seem like the wisest of decisions, all things considered.

[irondick]

What Pepper doesn't know at the time won't hurt me until after she sees the pictures. I'll be a gentlemen, my hands will remain firmly in my pockets. It'll be an adventure.

[hasthekeys]

[He's just going to look so, so unimpressed.]

Rule number one about keeping your girlfriend happy: don't have a bunch of cheerleaders play golf while anything is firm in your pocket and allow pictures to be taken.

[okay so maybe he can be smug]

[irondick]

Why would my dick be in my pocket, Happy? Do you have any idea how awkward that would be?

[hasthekeys]

Sir, I don't really care where you put your penis, if we're being perfectly honest, but I really would rather not have to deal with the uncertainty of which boss I'm supposed to be answering. It was a little distressing.

[irondick]

Fine, no hands in pockets. How about I have them where you can see them at all times. And not on any pretty woman that's not Pepper.

[ that's when you realize that one of the cheerleaders would probably be Natasha. Cheerleader Crime Ring and all... ]

[hasthekeys]

[SHE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED NOOOOOO]

I wasn't implying you should behave yourself for my sake, sir. But if you're going to be so kind, I'll just say thank you in advance.

[irondick]

[ OH MY GOD EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE.
NATASHA IS VOLDEMORT. OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD ]

Oh, I know. But I might as well be nice to everyone if I'm going to be benevolent. I'm a nice guy.

[hasthekeys]

[So THAT'S where Scarjo got her acting chops J/K J/K SHE'S A PRO (cozy)

His lips purse—oh, he wants to be unprofessional right now, he so, so does, and he knows Tony wouldn't care, but he just can't bring himself to do it. It's like a reflex at this point.]

That's what I keep telling everyone, sir.

[irondick]

Wow, that is a lie and a half. [ eyebrow raise. ]

See, I can call myself a nice guy... but when other people do it, yeah, no. That's lying and you're not supposed to lie to the guy cutting your paychecks, Happy.

[hasthekeys]

[Eyebrow raise right back at you, shortie.]

I'm not lying, Mister Stark. Go back and check everything I've ever said to the public about you. I'm pretty sure "nice guy" is one of my more repeated phrases.

[irondick]

And it's wrong.

[ tony actually is just joking around. ]

Lying to everyone like that. Tut, tut. I am so disappointed in you.

[hasthekeys]

Does that mean my Christmas bonus is going to be cut?

1/2

[irondick]

Yes, obviously.

[ staring so blankly at... ]

2/3, i lied...

[irondick]

....

[irondick]

No, of course it's not. Are you really this retarded?

[hasthekeys]

[oh no tony did you see this coming]

Sir, you need to zip up your fly. Walking around with your zipper undone makes you look retarded.

[irondick]

No, it makes for easy access.

[ but still, eyebrow raise and checking his fly. ]

[hasthekeys]

Miss Potts isn't here, though, didn't we just have this talk? What time did you start drinking?

[irondick]

...6am? I'm celebrating.

[ clearly. ]

1/2

[hasthekeys]

[hasthekeys]

Why didn't you call me? You know I make drinks dirtier than anybody else, sir.

[irondick]

Because you have to pick Pepper up in 3 hours and I'd want someone to drink with.

[ duh. it's no fun if there's two people and only one is drunk. ]

[hasthekeys]

And people say you aren't responsible.

[Protecting Pepper from a drunk driver, protecting himself from an unhappy Happy, protecting Happy from him as a drunk...he's feeling so loved rn.]

[irondick]

Yeah, I don't get that either.

[ eyebrow raise.

aww, happy you ARE loved. in a no homo way. ]

Just like I don't get why people think I don't pay attention.