where the bosses at

[hasthekeys]

You're cute.

This is cute.

When was the last time you dusted off your Tae-bo VHS tapes? That's what I thought. If you can't keep up with Billy Blanks, you certainly can't keep up with me. I have too much to keep up with for you to keep up with all that, too. My keeping up with things skills would blow your mind.

Is that all? We done here? Good.

Comments

[hasthekeys]

Sir, I don't really care where you put your penis, if we're being perfectly honest, but I really would rather not have to deal with the uncertainty of which boss I'm supposed to be answering. It was a little distressing.

[irondick]

Fine, no hands in pockets. How about I have them where you can see them at all times. And not on any pretty woman that's not Pepper.

[ that's when you realize that one of the cheerleaders would probably be Natasha. Cheerleader Crime Ring and all... ]

[hasthekeys]

[SHE-WHO-MUST-NOT-BE-NAMED NOOOOOO]

I wasn't implying you should behave yourself for my sake, sir. But if you're going to be so kind, I'll just say thank you in advance.

[irondick]

[ OH MY GOD EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE.
NATASHA IS VOLDEMORT. OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD ]

Oh, I know. But I might as well be nice to everyone if I'm going to be benevolent. I'm a nice guy.

[hasthekeys]

[So THAT'S where Scarjo got her acting chops J/K J/K SHE'S A PRO (cozy)

His lips purse—oh, he wants to be unprofessional right now, he so, so does, and he knows Tony wouldn't care, but he just can't bring himself to do it. It's like a reflex at this point.]

That's what I keep telling everyone, sir.

[irondick]

Wow, that is a lie and a half. [ eyebrow raise. ]

See, I can call myself a nice guy... but when other people do it, yeah, no. That's lying and you're not supposed to lie to the guy cutting your paychecks, Happy.

[hasthekeys]

[Eyebrow raise right back at you, shortie.]

I'm not lying, Mister Stark. Go back and check everything I've ever said to the public about you. I'm pretty sure "nice guy" is one of my more repeated phrases.

[irondick]

And it's wrong.

[ tony actually is just joking around. ]

Lying to everyone like that. Tut, tut. I am so disappointed in you.

[hasthekeys]

Does that mean my Christmas bonus is going to be cut?

1/2

[irondick]

Yes, obviously.

[ staring so blankly at... ]

2/3, i lied...

[irondick]

....

[irondick]

No, of course it's not. Are you really this retarded?

[hasthekeys]

[oh no tony did you see this coming]

Sir, you need to zip up your fly. Walking around with your zipper undone makes you look retarded.

[irondick]

No, it makes for easy access.

[ but still, eyebrow raise and checking his fly. ]

[hasthekeys]

Miss Potts isn't here, though, didn't we just have this talk? What time did you start drinking?

[irondick]

...6am? I'm celebrating.

[ clearly. ]

1/2

[hasthekeys]

[hasthekeys]

Why didn't you call me? You know I make drinks dirtier than anybody else, sir.

[irondick]

Because you have to pick Pepper up in 3 hours and I'd want someone to drink with.

[ duh. it's no fun if there's two people and only one is drunk. ]

[hasthekeys]

And people say you aren't responsible.

[Protecting Pepper from a drunk driver, protecting himself from an unhappy Happy, protecting Happy from him as a drunk...he's feeling so loved rn.]

[irondick]

Yeah, I don't get that either.

[ eyebrow raise.

aww, happy you ARE loved. in a no homo way. ]

Just like I don't get why people think I don't pay attention.

[hasthekeys]

[He offers a shrug. A Happy shrug.]

You're quirky and eccentric—what's his name? Captain Jack, the pirate Johnny Depp plays, you know the movies?

[irondick]

Did you just refer to me as being like Johnny Depp? Because that is offensive.

I am so much better than him. [ nope.jpg. tony's sulking now. ]

[hasthekeys]

[His dad was Keith Richards tho!!!!!]

No, actually, but if you're going to cut off what I was trying to say, I guess I'll just go to the Unemployment Office.

[irondick]

[ keith richards is okay, but fuck johnny depp. FUCK HIM. he beat tony out for sexiest man of the year way to many times ): ]

What? Why? [ squinting. ] I'm not firing you. I'm pretty sure Pepper would rehire you if I did anyways. [ so so so much squinting. ]