voice testing

[hozart]

Yo, wait, what? For real, fuckin' dragons and shit? The hell, lady? I'm still getting used to this drinking blood crap and you want me to go hang out with fuckin' like Dracula or whatever? What, you don't have enough failpires stinking up the place, you needed to add another one? What about that other kid? -- he's too young. Okay, uhh, what about, like, that crazy chick who looks like Lady Gaga? Scares the shit out of me, likes to lean over and breathe really heavy in your ear? What am I, a quota?

No, okay, let's clear this up now: I don't do secret police, I don't do mystery, I don't do evil eldritch horror fog monsters trying to suck out your brains like delicious tender mac and cheese. I like my brains where they are! In my head! Being used! For stuff! And I'm already in trouble with the police, remember, I told that cop that he could suck my --

You're not even listening, are you. Fuck my actual life.

Comments

[oneborneveryminute]

Charming: the five stages of grief in one rant, with the exception of acceptance.

I particularly enjoyed the bargaining.

[hozart]

Fuck acceptance, I fully plan on going kicking and screaming like a two year old. I swear to Flying Spaghetti Monster, I heard the words "vampires can take more damage anyway." Fuck that.

[oneborneveryminute]

Even his noodly appendages can't help you now, I'm afraid. When they say go, we go.

[hozart]

I ain't tried human sacrifice yet. Think she'd notice if one of these clowns went missing?

[oneborneveryminute]

That all depends. Do you want her to notice? I suggest the use of pyrotechnics and other elaborate special effects. Avoid movie projectors, though. It's far too Mystery Machine.

[hozart]

Taking a hostage would make a strong statement. Problem is, which one?

[oneborneveryminute]

Go for the heartstrings. Find the most innocent, likable one in the bunch.

[hozart]

Ugh, she's a crier. I'm gonna need a lot of duct tape.

[daughters_of_janus]

Calm down kitten, being a vampire isn't all that bad.

[hozart]

Says you, I'm tired of people trying to kill my ass. And, you know, the rest of me.

[daughters_of_janus]

Aw kitten, you just have to make the right friends. What clan are you from?

[hozart]

What the what now?

[daughters_of_janus]

Wait...what happened to the vampire that turned you into a vampire?

[hozart]

I ... don't know? I didn't exactly see him.

[daughters_of_janus]

Wow then you really do have no idea about a lot of stuff.

[She'd rather suddenly wrap her arm around the girl's waist.]

Okay first off, our word for vampire is kindred. I kind of drop it here since there aren't that many of us here. Next there are vampire clans, basically we can all trace the history back to one founder vampire. Though the important thing about clans is the pluses and minuses. Have you noticed any special abilities?

[hozart]

[ wait whut personal space ]

You mean aside from the whole being dead and somehow still managing to walk around thing?

[daughters_of_janus]

Yeah and it all depends on who turned you. Though some things are kind of fringe benefits for everyone, like being stronger than a normal person.

[hozart]

How about the benefit of not being weird and creepy, does anyone get that.

[daughters_of_janus]

Nope, we're all strange down here!

Though at least there is a lot of eye-candy.

[fish]

Come, we can be terrible together. I will teach you my ways.

[hozart]

What if I don't want to be terrible, what if I want to be some total super badass who kicks the ass of HAHAHAHAHA nevermind that will never fucking happen.

[fish]

Hey, it could happen. Some day. Don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling, et cetera.

[hozart]

Do they make steroids for dead people? I could get all roidy.

[fish]

Yeah, I guess you could... get all roidy...

So, we just met like two seconds ago and I'm already imagining you with cartoonishly giant muscles. This is some kinda first.

[hozart]

I have that effect on people. It must be my powerful, animal charisma.