Uh, rude.

[bullyingtendencies]

It was obvious last time you dragged me into your weird hobby that it was a bad idea. Stop before it’s too late so I can go back to pretending this type of thing doesn’t actually happen.

Do you even have a reason this time? I bet it’s something stupi--

...You’re getting a pet guinea pig? You should name it Stripe.

[ I’m not naming it that. Stripe is lame and overused. ]

Your face is lame and overused.

Comments

[learnedsomething]

Craig! Dude, you should come help me build a tree house fort.

[Don't you want to be ensnared in the latest stupid idea which will lead to bad things happening to you, Craig?]

[bullyingtendencies]

You want me to help you build a tree house.

[ That should be a question but since this is Kyle it sounds more like an accusation. ]

Why?

[learnedsomething]

Yeah!

[Oh, pesky details. To go for the obvious, "Because it'll make it easier, duh," or the ridiculously confusing, more accurate explanation?]

It'll be fun!

[Or just a lie. That'll work, too.]

[bullyingtendencies]

Peru wasn't fun.

[ Still a little bitter about that. You don't just get over having lasers shoot out of your eyes without your permission. ]

Give me one good reason why I should.

[learnedsomething]

Dude, you got to have laser eyes! How was that not cool?

[Yeah, they're not going to see eye to eye there. Which might be for the best, since Craig might be able to laser eye him.]

If you come to this place, you'll be able to call anyone you want -

[What's a good string of curses? Damn, Kenny was so much better at this than him.]

A shit eating assmuncher.

[That'll do.]

Anyone you want. There will be no parents or teachers to stop you. And all you'll have to do in return is help me build a tree house.

[bullyingtendencies]

Sure. Okay. You go get laser eyes against your will because a group of guys you don't even like dragged you into some messed up crap and tell me how that goes.

[ Who knows? Craig might even still have the ability to shoot killer beams from his eyes. ]

...I can call anyone I want a shit eating assmuncher?

[ Kyle you spoke the magical words. ]

If I could call anyone a shit eating assmuncher and not get in trouble I'd be sooo happy.

[ Seriously considering commiting to an idea that is bound to end horrible. Oh, choices. ]

[learnedsomething]

If I got laser eyes whilst hanging out with Cartman, I'd be fucking overjoyed.

[Yes, more free labour! Take the bait, Craig.]

You could call them worse, dude. You could call people rotting fucknuggets if you wanted to. We have these devices to transmit messages, too, so you could call a whole mansion of people rotting fucknuggets and shit eating assmunchers in under a minute.

[bullyingtendencies]

Dude, I think all of south park would be celebrating if you roasted the fatass.

[ brb overactive imagination allowing Craig to see himself calling everyone profane insults. A little starry eyed tbh. ]

I guess I can help you build your dumb fort. You better not be lying to me about all that stuff.

[learnedsomething]

Yeah.

[Now it's Kyle's turn to lapse into joyous dreams of roast Cartman.]

Sweet, dude! All you've got to do is get the fuck out of South Park and into Wonderland.

[Naturally there's a catch, but that isn't even half of it.]

[bullyingtendencies]

...Go into Wonderland.

[ Woah back it up. Craig was lost come the mention of Wonderland. ]

Don't tell me you mean the book. You do realize that's a book or shitty movie or whatever, right?

[ That's a whole new level of r-tarded as far as Tucker is concerned. ]

[learnedsomething]

Yeah, I know that. God. It's also where I am right now. And yeah, Alice is here.

[Somehow he senses that he's losing Craig and therefore his extra pair of hands.]

Did I mention that we have closets that give us whatever we want? I have all the consoles now. You could have all the crappy Red Racer DVDs!

And then mun went ahead and checked it out despite any muse that could be bitching.

[bullyingtendencies]

No way. You're not in Wonderland.

[ Screw you Kyle for calling Red Racer crappy, for that you're getting the one finger salute x 2 ]

Just ask the closet to make you a tree house if they're so great.

sweet! hope you liked what you saw

[learnedsomething]

The talking flowers suggested otherwise.

[He grunts with frustration. God, Craig, are you really this dumb or just trying to wind him up?]

How am I going to carry a big ass tree house out of my bedroom, huh? You don't think that maybe the door might be an obstacle? Or the fact that it'd be really fucking heavy?

[sporty_pottymouth]

I got to agree with your mun, Craig. Stripe is so lame and over used. [Not everyone wants their pet named after yours, dude.] Why don't they name it Colonel Sprinkler or something? That's original.

[Stan knows better than to fuck with him when it comes to guinea pigs, but oh well. What's the worse that could happen?]

And this shit happens all the time, apparently. I didn't want to be dragged in either.

[bullyingtendencies]

Screw you asshat! Stripe is the best. [ If they don't want their pets named after Stripe then they're all doing it wrong. ] Better than Colonel Sprinkler. That just sounds really gay.

[ gg Stan way to get Craig to glare at you right off the bat bro. ]

You guys are always getting caught up in weird stuff nobody at school wants anything to do with. I bet you go looking for it.

[sporty_pottymouth]

Whoa, dude, calm your tits. I didn't say anything about your [don't say dumb don't say dumb] guinea pig. Just that not everyone needs their pet to be named Stripe. Don't you want your pet to be a special snowflake or whatever?

[Maybe it can get into some tragic romance with Lemmiwinks or something.]

I didn't go looking to be trapped in some shitty mansion based off some old cartoon movie for kinders. And half the shit that happens to us is Cartman's fault anyway. [Not always, but a good deal of the time. Enough to semi-justly blame him and not feel bad.]

[bullyingtendencies]

Just because I suggested it to my mun doesn't mean I want the whole world to do it.

[ Lemmiwinks will never be good enough for Stripe ok. But Craig is going... to let this.... go. For now. Watch it Stan Marsh you're already pretty much on the shitlist. ]

True, Cartman is total a dick. Doesn't mean you have to listen to the crap he suggests you guys do.

[ Totally disregarding the fact that Craig is usually the first person to jump on board when Cartman is picking on someone. ]

[sporty_pottymouth]

Yeah, like you don't jump in when he's being a dick. Somebody's got to do damage control, and you know I can't leave Kyle alone with him.

[Think of the totally awesome bloodshed that would cause, Craig! Seriously! Stan just isn't going to admit how he's kind of worried Kyle might start a fight with Cartman and get sat on or something.]

And a lot of the other stuff is totally just on accident. Usually. [Sometimes it is just them being dumb kids.]

[bullyingtendencies]

And so what? Most of the time someone is asking for it to happen.

...Are you their babysitter now?

[ Give a chance to ridicule Stan and he'll grasp at it. ]

Accidents that always seem to happen to you guys and no one else. That's not suspicious.

[sporty_pottymouth]

Some of the stuff isn't even that funny to mock someone over.

[Other times Stan is just pretending it's not funny so Wendy or Kyle don't get mad at him. Because dealing with either of them when they're really pissed about something? Yikes. Not that Stan is any better when you get him riled up.]

No! I'm not a babysitter, I'm just a friend who doesn't want his other friends to get hurt too bad. [Because not getting hurt at all is an impossibility.]

I guess we're just cool enough to attract all the awesome bullshit.

[bullyingtendencies]

Says you.

[ Craig doesn't have someone to stand over his shoulder and spew morality. If anything he's the bad influence on other people. C'mon, admit that duct taping the new kid to the bench was the epitome of fun. ]

I'm sure your friends can handle their own without you going mother-hen on them.

[ Skeptical eyebrow rise. ]

And you're really not that cool dude.

[sporty_pottymouth]

Yeah, says me.

[No, Craig! Doing that kind of thing sometimes leads to awkward invitations to dinner and converting to Mormonism for a little while! …but sometimes it is fun to be a bully. Maybe. A little.]

Fuck you, Craig, I'm totally hot shit. [And you sit across from us at lunch some sometimes so THERE.] You're just jealous.

[bullyingtendencies]

Lame.

[ Arms akimbo. ]

Up yours douchemaster! [ Luckily loser doesn't rub off onto Craig from the proximately. ...Aaaand the bird has been flipped. ] There's nothing about you I have to be jealous about.

[sporty_pottymouth]

Then why are you acting all defensive? [And now Stan's laughing, he's so used to being flipped off it isn't even funny.]

Not that you flipping me off is anything new. It's practically you saying 'hi' now.

[bullyingtendencies]

Because, dumbass, apparently you already think I have reason to be jealous.

[ Guess who isn't laughing. Instead Craig'll just give the finger even more intensely. ]

And idiots don't get proper greeting priviledges.

[ Which must mean a verbal hello. But by this logic Craig must hate pretty much everyone. Which is for the record? Accurate. ]