dear_mun | Uh, rude.

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Uh, rude.

It was obvious last time you dragged me into your weird hobby that it was a bad idea. Stop before it’s too late so I can go back to pretending this type of thing doesn’t actually happen.

Do you even have a reason this time? I bet it’s something stupi--

...You’re getting a pet guinea pig? You should name it Stripe.

[ I’m not naming it that. Stripe is lame and overused. ]

Your face is lame and overused.

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If I was in your situation I'd just fix it by murdering that douchecanoe and making it look like an accid-

[ oh. okay. So that's a fist in his face. Craig is just going to lie on the floor and wonder if the resident ginger just managed to give him a black eye or not. A little too silent for it to be a good sign. It's more like fuming. Silent fuming that directly correlates to thoughts of 'How to beat the shit out of Kyle Broflovski and make it hurt a lot' brought to you by Craig Tucker. ]

[Silent fuming just gives Kyle more time to kick you whilst you're down - literally. He's too pissed off to care about anything else right now.]

[ Sticking that leg so close gives Craig enough leverage to turn and grab on in attempt to trip Kyle down. Pretty sure the intention here is to beat the jew out of you if he can manage to do that. ]

[Like Kyle is paying attention to anything other than hurting Craig for that comment, so he's knocked down easily.]

Ow, fuck!

[But he hasn't learned his lesson and is trying to kick Kyle's face from his new position.]

[ Fair to say his face isn't very pretty at the moment. Craig reels back and presses a hand to his face to access the damage. ]

You fucker!

[ In a rage he's throwing himself at Kyle and striking blindly. ]

Edited 2012-07-12 20:32 (UTC)

You're the fucker, assfuck!

[He rolls on to his front to shield himself from some of the blows. When that doesn't work very well since he's not a turtle and being hit on the back still hurts, he decides that maybe it's time to try getting up. Possibly not a good plan with Craig still striking out at him, quickly downgraded to a really crap plan when he gets hit in the nose.]

AUGH, you douche!

[ Having Kyle roll over to defend himself just makes Craig so much angrier. But it's a small victory when he manages to hit Kyle in his dumb jew nose. However that doesn't seem like enough retribution to Craig, so he lets out a frustrated growl and rips off Kyle's hat. Considering the idea had been to yank out hair the result really isn't as severe as it could have been, and that just makes Craig even more pissy. ]

Are you going to tell your boyfriend that I'm kicking your ass?

[ He takes the time to throw said hat back into the redhead's face. ]

Don't want him to sit on me and give me your cockmuncher-cooties.

[The first thing he does is put his hat the hell back on, because this is Kyle.]

Two problems with that: you're not and I don't have a fucking boyfriend!

[But he takes the opportunity to stand up, hand fleeing to his face to check how fucked up it is. Blood, damn.]

You seem pretty fixated on my perceived sex life, Craig. If you want jerk off material, go watch a fucking porno. Clyde's got enough of those.

[Grin.]

Or are there too many tits in his porn for your liking?

[ Craig doesn't look any better than Kyle does after that skirmish. Half-heartedly he wipes at his face with his sleeve. ]

If it makes you feel any better then you should keep telling yourself that.

[ With a decidedly disgusted face Craig flips the bird at Kyle before glaring into the distance]

Maybe if you had some tits.

[ and then he grimaces. ]

You don't just jack your best friend's porn. Jesus, what type of weird shit are you and Marsh up to?

Just calling it like I see it, asswipe. Are right now, your obsession with me and other guys is creepy and suspicious. You should probably stop fantasizing and go find someone to get off with who isn't me.

[He rolls his eyes.]

Ugh, nothing. I'm smart enough to be able to find my own porn, but figures that you can't do likewise.

Stop flattering yourself, not even girls think you qualify as worthwhile on their 'lists'.

[ Stooping low enough to bring up the ~~fake~~ list since it bothered you so much Kyle. ]

...I can pick up chicks faster than a queermo like you ever could.

[ Doth say the kid still in the fourth grade. ]

How behind can you get, Craig? That list was fake. I was probably number one on the real one.

[He doesn't believe it, but no one can prove that he wasn't.]

Sorry, who did Nichole think was cute?

[Both thumbs point Kyle-wards.]

Can't hear you over how dumb your face looks.

[ He's not even sorry. ]

I actually feel sorry for you. Do you want to take a minute to think of a better rebuttal and we can pretend you didn't say that?

No, shut up.

[ Getting real tired of ur bullshit Broflovski. ]

We can pretend that you don't exist. That sounds cool to me.

That is the sort of boring as hell game you'd enjoy. Your parties must be a riot.

For my next birthday we'll all pretend you don't exist and it'll be rad. You're invited.

I'm sure you and your guinea pig will have a fantastic time together.

There's no need to be so jealous.

[ It's not even an insult since he's 100% okay with hanging alone with his guinea pig. ]

I don't even know what you're suggesting I be jealous of. I don't want a crappy guinea pig.

[HOW DARE YOU KYLE. GUINEA PIGGLES ARE GREAT.]

You didn't deserve a guinea pig in the first place.

[ How does hearing the harsh truth feel Kyle? ]

I don't want a guinea pig in the first place. So why should I care?

[Look. Look at all the fucks he has to give, Craig.]

I really couldn't care less that you don't care.

[ More guinea pigs for him. Now it's a give-no-fucks contest. ]

Actually, maybe I would want a guinea pig. I hear they're delicious.

...If you even touch a single hair on a guinea pig I'll break your kneecaps.

Uh, rude.

Well the good news is he totally deserved that.

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oh man, sorry for the brain fart in my last post

I knew what you were going for \o7

'kyle is confused! he hurt himself in his confusion!' would have been funnier, in retrospect

Craig used 'be a negative asshat' it was super effective

damn now i am wondering what type that move would be

I'm actually a giant hipster and know next to nothing about pokemon so idfk

please don't crush me, giant hipster!

Too far underground to crush anything.

So far underground that you're above ground again?

Yes exactly.

So you can crush me! I KNEW it.

You caught me. I was trying to lure you into false security so I could crush you. Evil laugh.

You still can. Not sure what I can do to defend myself about Hipsterzilla

No one can defend themselves against Hipsterzilla. The End Is Nigh.

shit you're the 2012 apocalypse

Spoilers.

brb heading to mars where you can't get me

Drats. My plans have been foiled once again.

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