over reacting to dumb kid shenanigans

[crab]

HEY "MUNDANE". 
YES, YOU. 
THE MENTALLY HANDICAPPED SACK OF PINKFLESH IN THE GLASSES. STOP REVELING IN THE REFUSE OF YOUR OWN RETARDATION FOR TEN SECONDS AND DIRECT YOUR ATTENTION TOWARD THE ANGRY GREY CAPSLOCK.
I THINK WE'RE OVERDUE FOR A WORD.
AND BY THINK I MEAN SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND LISTEN.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD? GREAT! GLAD TO HEAR IT.
HOW AM I?
FUCKING
HIDEOUS.
I KEPT QUIET WHEN YOU SENT ME OFF TO MY UNTIMELY, GRUESOME DEATH.
I HELD MY TASTE APPENDAGE WHEN YOU PUT ME THROUGH THE HEINOUS ANGUISH THRESHER THAT WAS PROM.
ENDURED THE OBSCENE PLEASURE YOU APPEAR TO DERIVE FROM MY HUMILIATION.
I'VE EVEN WEATHERED THE NEVER ENDING QUADRANT DRAMA LIKE A CHAMPION.
BUT THIS? WHAT YOU'RE PLANNING NOW?
THIS IS CROSSING THE FUCKING LINE.
THIS IS SO FAR OVER THE LINE THAT YOU DID A LOOP OF THE PLANET AND CROSSED IT AGAIN.
THERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU JUST DON'T *DO* TO A GUY, OK.
AND YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT ANYWAY.
CONSIDER THIS A PREEMPTIVE FUCK YOU, MUNDANE
FUCK YOU EXPLICITLY 
IN EVERY ORIFICE 
WITH SOMETHING ROUGH AND SERRATED. 
FUCK YOU HARDER THAN YOU FUCK MY DIGNITY EVERY DAY.
AND YES, IT IS, IN FACT, A BIG DEAL.
IT IS A HUGE DEAL.
IT'S A HUGER DEAL THAN DAVE STRIDER WOULD LOVE TO THINK HE IS.
THAT IS THE SCALE OF THE DEAL WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE.
I WILL NOT "LIVE", I WILL NOT "GET OVER IT", THE ONLY THING I'M GOING TO DO IS ACCUMULATE SO MUCH ANGER THAT MY MISERABLE HIDE WILL SPLIT AND THE RUSH OF UNADULTERATED FURY MAGMA THAT POURS FORTH WILL BURN SO HOT AND FORCEFUL THAT IT WILL INCINERATE THE FOURTH WALL AND MELT YOUR DISGUSTING FACE OFF.

Comments

[amoray]

wwait wwhat are you shriekin about noww wwho did wwhat

[crab]

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.
YOU'LL SEE SOON ENOUGH I GUESS THOUGH.
I'M BETTING IT WOULD BE TOO MUCH TO ASK OF YOU FOR YOU TO THIS ONCE NOT MAKE MY LIFE MORE DIFFICULT.
JUST AS A CHANGE OF PACE.

[amoray]

oh dont fuckin flatter yourself youre not evven on my list a concerns at the moment
wwell not that thats evver stopped me before but this time im legitimately busy doin shit that isnt fussin wwith you or your fucked in the pan moirail

still though wwhats goin dowwn you cant just open like that and then LEAVVE OFF it aint right

[crab]

THAT DOES NOT REASSURE ME.
THAT IS THE ANTITHESIS OF REASSURING.
THAT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE A YES KARKAT I WILL CONDUCT MYSELF AS A HARMLESS FIN FACED DOUCHEFUCK AND SPARE YOU THE EXPLOSIVE ANEURYSM MY EXISTENCE REGULARLY CAUSES YOU.
WHAT ARE YOU UP TO, WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING.
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, ESPECIALLY NOT WITH YOU.
I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU THE SATISFACTION ANY EARLIER THAN I HAVE TO.

[amoray]

wwell if youre not tellin me anythin i dont see wwhy i got to say shit to you on wwhat im up to

[crab]

STRIDER IS CAMPAIGNING FOR THE POSITION OF MAYOR OF SHITHEADVILLE.
THE POLLS ARE OVERWHELMINGLY IN HIS FAVOR.
IS THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

[amoray]

can you tune dowwn the fuckin histrionics and givve me a straight answwer for once or wwould that physically cause you pain

[crab]

I DON'T WANT TO
IT'S FUCKING EMBARRASSING OK YOU'LL PROBABLY GET A HUGE KICK OUT OF IT AND I WILL CLAW MY OWN OCULARS OUT IN FRUSTRATION.
SO YES IT WILL CAUSE ME PHYSICAL PAIN.

[amoray]

oh wwell wwhen you put it that wway i guess you got a point
havve fun sittin alongside the rest a the populace wwith baited breath
fuck i meant bated
anywway holdin some disgustin land dwweller air in your disgustin land dwweller lungs wwaitin to see wwhat i do next

[crab]

FINE. LIKE I GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR SAD FISHY LIFE.
YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU LIKE.


























HE FOUND MY NOTES.

[amoray]

oh you so care dont even l









hahahaha oh my fuckin god you are so fucked

[crab]

ARE YOU GOING TO TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE UP TO OR NOT.

[amoray]

wwell wwhen you put it THAT wway

nah probably not
rest assured though its promisin heretofore unseen levvels a righteous fuckin vvengeance you are not goin to be disappointed

[crab]

YOU UNREPENTANT PIECE OF SHIT.
I AM DISAPPOINTED. I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOUR EXISTENCE.
I AM DISAPPOINTED THAT PARADOX SPACE ALLOWED SUCH A CHURNING ETERNAL FOUNTAIN OF HORRIBLE TO MAR ITS SURFACE.
I AM DISAPPOINTED IN THE FACT THAT YOU OOZED YOUR PUTRID IDIOCY DRIPPING POSTERIOR INTO MY LIFE.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO ACCOMPLISH.

[flarp]

My mun is too 8usy to 8other logging out 8ut she says to tell you that headspace Dave says it's pay8ack for you always 8eing a whiny little douche.
His words, not mine!

[crab]

TELL STRIDER THAT WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON HIM HE'S GOING TO RUE THE DAY HE DARED BE CREATED VIA JOHN'S INEPT ECTO LABORATORY SHENANIGANS
HE ISN'T GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS.
HE KNOWS NOT WHAT HE HAS FUCKING WROUGHT.

[hashrap]

yeah whatever dude some of us dont need a chart to keep up with our own feelings
if you need eight different symbols to represent every bullshit emotion that passes through your stunted body re: some troll with a bad dyejob or more hair than sense you have too many goddamn feelings and need to sit down
im embarrassed on your behalf
only not literally because hey you know what that is too many feelings for me and unlike you im actually a man
youre bringing disgrace upon our gender
break out the chick flicks and chardonnay karkats coming home

[amoray]

fuck yourself strider its natural

[hashrap]

ok the fact that you instantly knew i was talking about you says otherwise

[crab]

IF YOU TELL HIM ANYTHING I'M GOING TO RIP YOUR HUMAN "TESTES" OFF AND MAKE YOU EAT THEM.

[hashrap]

theyre called danglies man get it right
and goddamn could you get any kinkier im adding this to your page about me
itll be represented by a crude purple dong
a big lavender wang is the representation of our relationship
in that there is none and you need to stop leaving your stuff where it can easily be pawed through and distributed to the network out of revenge and boredom
mostly boredom

[amoray]

ivve gotten more than a feww cracks from the jealous masses concernin my god glorious damn hair its not like im not used to it or nothin

[hashrap]

jealous isnt the word you use to describe someones feelings on the subject of bathroom bleach jobs and uneven dyes
natural jesus dude who are you trying to kid

[amoray]

PLEASE you wwouldnt knoww a good dye job from a fuckin hole in the ground you pretentious bottomfeeder
just look at you wwavvin your nauseatin blood color around shovvin it dowwn evverybodys gills like that dont you havve any fuckin SHAME

[crab]

OK DAVE DO YOU HAVE ANY UNDERSTANDING OF THE WORD "PRIVATE"
DOES "PERSONAL" MEAN ANYTHING WHATSOEVER TO YOU.
ARE YOU ABLE TO RECOGNIZE THESE STRINGS OF LETTERS AS LANGUAGE OR ARE THEY TOO COMPLEX FOR YOUR HALF DECAYED NEUROCENTRE TO PROCESS.
THESE TWO WORDS ARE ARE WHATEVER MAY GRIP MY SENTIMENT TWITCHER AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT.
AND HOWEVER I MAY CHOOSE TO SORT THROUGH IT.
HAVING THE EMOTIONAL CAPACITY OF A ROTTING BAG OF GARBAGE IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF, JUST AS AN ASIDE.
IT MERELY SHOWCASES THE TRUE DEPTH OF YOUR GRAVE RETARDATION.
HOWEVER IF YOU'RE SO INTENT ON MAKING EVERY FEELING I EVER EXPERIENCED A PUBLIC DISPLAY
RIGHT NOW I AM FEELING PRETTY FUCKING INCLINED TO KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD THAT YOUR WASTE CHUTE PERMANENTLY REPLACES YOUR NOISE BLISTER. EVERYTHING YOU ATTEMPT TO VOCALIZE WILL SIMPLY BE SHIT. A FOUL, STINKING REGURGITATION, GENTLY PLOPPING FROM YOUR DISFIGURED MAW.
NO ONE NOTICES A DIFFERENCE.

[glowsferatu]

Well Just What Is It Now

[crab]

ONLY THE BRUTAL DESTRUCTION OF MY LAST REMAINING SHREDS OF SELF RESPECT.

[glowsferatu]

And Precisely What Is The Distinction Between This And Every Other Passing Day

[crab]

WOW FUCK YOU
THIS TIME IT'S ON A MUCH GREATER AND MORE PERSONAL SCALE.
HE'S MESSING WITH MY QUADRANTS, KANAYA.

[glowsferatu]

Well If Youd Allow Me To Step In
I Could Handle It For You

[crab]

WHAT WOULD YOU EVEN DO
ARE YOU ASKING ME TO LET YOU MEDIATE.

[glowsferatu]

Perhaps
In My Own Way
As It Would Be Necessary

[crab]

PLEASE DON'T BISECT DAVE STRIDER.
WHILE HE MAY BE HORRIBLE HE IS NOT THAT HORRIBLE.
AND JADE AND JOHN WOULD NEVER LET EITHER OF US HEAR THE END OF IT.

[glowsferatu]

Karkat Please
There Are Other Methods Available To Me Than Just That
At Worst Id Only Beat Him Up A Little

[ankhs]

Oh wow! How ominous! Good for you for standing up for yourself though, Karkat.

[crab]

OH MY GOD AS IF THIS COULD GET ANY WORSE
YOU DON'T HAVE ANY ROOM TO TALK ABOUT OMINOUS
YOU ARE OMINOUS PERSONIFIED
STOP STALKING ME

[exceptfebruary]

I do hope you'll stay safe.

[crab]

I DO HOPE YOU CHOKE ON A FROND NUB.

[exceptfebruary]

Now, don't be rude.

[nubbybastard]

GREAT FUCKING JOB ON TELLING OFF YOUR BITCH OF A MUN.
TOO BAD IT WON'T STICK.
BUT SERIOUSLY, SHE'S A BITCH AND I HOPE SHE GETS CULLED FOR EVEN THINKING OF STUPID IDEA.

[crab]

OH FANTASTIC, AND THE STAR OF THE ASSHOLE PARADE ARRIVES, COMPLETE WITH JACKASS CONFETTI AND DOUCHEBAG STREAMERS.
NO ONE ASKED YOU, PAST OR FUTURE OR TIMELINE DIVERGENT THORAX THRASHER.
THE LAST THING I NEED IS TO PUT UP WITH YOUR SHIT ON TOP OF EVERYTHING ELSE.

[nubbybastard]

WELL EXCUSE ME, NOOKSUCKER, FOR TRYING TO HELP YOUR SORRY ASS.
NEXT TIME I MIGHT NOT BE BOTHERED TO EVEN DO THAT.
GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE I WAS SUCH A DOUCHE BACK THEN.