dear_mun | Canon is Suburban Shootout

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obscure canon: tv shows

Canon is Suburban Shootout

Um... hello? Excuse me, but um.... I'm going to be starting University in about 2 weeks, and I really need to go get my books, so if you could please just return me to Little Stempington I would really appreciate it. Not that I'm not grateful to be away from Jewel, really I do appreciate that, but I don't really have the time for this now... Do you mind? Hello?

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Oh, I'm afraid you're not going to be returning any time soon.

Excuse me? Do you know your way around here? I'm afraid I'm rather lost... [trying very hard to ignore what he took as being a rather threatening remark]

Oh, I do. But, don't you know where you are? Where you have...landed?

I'm afraid I don't. Last thing I remember was falling asleep in my bed, when I woke up I was... here. Wherever that is. Please, can't you help me? ...and what did you mean by "you're not going to be returning any time soon"? What's going on?

Didn't anyone tell you? Well...I guess someone must tell you.

[ He puts on his best act of sympathy, putting his hand on Bill's shoulder. ]

I'm afraid that when you were asleep...you died.

I...WHAT? [blue eyes fill with tears, lower lip quivering] But... but I don't... where is... I don't.... No!

[ He leans in closer, his voice dropping nearly to a whisper. ]

And I'm afraid... You did not end up where you had hoped you would.

No!! Oh God in Heaven... [drops to his knees, sobbing, muttering prayers in Latin between the tears]

[ He recoils, as though in pain, letting out a faint hiss. ]

Stop that! It won't do you any good here!

[Sniffles, tears still streaming down his face] I'm sorry... I guess you're probably right... it's a little late for that, now. But what did I do wrong? How... how did.... [starts crying again, trembling and terrified]

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They're not going to listen.

Who? I mean... what? Who's not going to listen?

Whoever it is you speak to. I'm afraid that for the time being, you're stuck here.

So... this IS Purgatory? I am being judged? And are you the angel who will judge me?

[A lengthy pause and then a deep and very amused laugh. Give him a minute.]

Oh my, you are a long way from home. How strong is your faith in your Christian God?

Perhaps I have been flagging a bit there... I was afraid I had been abandoned by Him. I have always had faith, and I know He works in mysterious ways that I have no right questioning of hoping to understand. Please, have mercy, my Lord...

And who do you speak to now? Him, or Me?

[Looks nervous again] Well... if you're the angel that is judging me... perhaps the Metatron? Then... well... you?

The Metatron? Well I suppose that is better than what you Christians usually call me.

I am not from your... Pantheon as it were.

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bill_hazeldine - 2012-07-02 09:21 (UTC) - Expand

Looks like you're getting Mythical Loki, derp.

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No safer than movie verse version

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But less likely to pluck out Bill's eye.

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Poor thing has no idea...

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Your abnegation is stunning, Bill. You're so certain, so confident in your own paradigm.

The longer your ignorance goes on, the harder it will hit you when faced with reality. It's far easier to wake up naturally from a dream than to be abruptly woken.

AM I dreaming? I would not be at all surprised...

[He laughed lightly.] This could all be a rich hallucination. Maybe you'll wake up any moment. [He approached him now and placed a hand on Bill's shoulder.]

Whatever state you may be in...[He moved around behind Bill; vanishing, only to suddenly appear to be in front of him again.] ...that which you are experiencing now is as "real" as real can be.

I just... how did you do that? Mirrors? Seems there are a few street magicians around here today. Please, man, can you just show me how to get out of here?

Oh Bill..sweet child. If you truly desire freedom, I can help you.

Finally! Yes, thank you, sir... is your name Loki, too? You look kinda familiar...

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