dear_mun | (no subject)

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canon: marvel comics

(no subject)

Lady, what the ☠☠☠☠ are you--no, you know what? Fine. This is not the weirdest thing ever to happen to me.

So if I said "anywhere's better than the Cancerverse," I'd regret it, right?

...Anywhere's better than the Cancerverse.

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Are you regretting it yet?

You're gonna have to narrow "it" down.

...what's the weirdest thing that ever happened to you?

I AM GROOT!

Off the top of my head, I'm going to say "being on the same side as Thanos," but don't hold me to that.

Oh, hey. You're a sight for sore eyes. Don't suppose you're hiding Rocky somewhere?

*He shakes his head*

I AM GROOT!

I don't have time to listen to your life story. About "anywhere's better than the Cancerverse".

So, like, no monster things with death ray faces or giant green dragon monsters in purple underpants?

Oh, well. He can take care of himself.

[Pete reaches up to slap Groot on the shoulder, or as close as he can manage. Given the height difference, his hand makes it about midway up Groot's forearm.]

It's great to see you, and I'm not going to look a gift...uh. Tree. In the mouth.

[...Nevermind.]

[frysquint]

If this is a time paradox I'm just going to go have a beer.

You can come.

Drax doesn't wear that outfit anymore, and I wouldn't really call him a dragon monster...

[ it totally is, sorry Peter. ]

Fine, but you're paying.

And you deserve whatever is coming to you by bating her.

Story of my life.

I don't think this job comes with a salary. Let's be pirates. It's probably less lethal.

Zomg, wait there's another one?

[She was talking about Fin Fang Foom, not Drax...whoever that was. Is.]

[Pete can't keep the Earth heroes and villains straight.]

Another one of wha--did you just pronounce "Z-O-M-G?"

[He spells it out.]

And more fun. Drax and I can commander us a ship. Give us three hours at a busy spaceport and you're on.

I don't know if my ego can take you two getting top billing on the inevitable sensationalist news reports.

[Who could, really?]

Another...well yeah I did. So what?

[HER SPEECH IS FLAWLESS OKAY. EVERYONE ELSE IS JUST A LOSER.]

Anywhere's better than the Cancerverse?

How about right here and now with you facing the wrath of Thanos?

[Fuck his life.]

Third person is never a good sign. How the hell did you get out, anyway?

[GAMORA HALP.]

I AM GROOT!

*He's happy to see you too, Peter. In as much as he can tell one small person from the next.]

Noooooooooothing.

[ DON'T LOOK AT HER, LAST SHE KNEW DRAX RIPPED HIS HEART OUT. ]

[YOU ARE OFF THE TEAM.

UNLESS YOU HELP HIM WITH THANOS IN WHICH CASE YOU'RE SECOND IN COMMAND.]

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