When Muses Attack

[onlyneedsone]

What is wrong with you?

[What? I just thou--]

No. You didn't think. Thinking appears to be a state you're unable to achieve. If you could, then you wouldn't have made me. Yes, yes, 'you did it first'...

[But--]

You haven't even seen the damn movie yet. You're taking the two snippets you've seen of me in Iron Man and Thor and fusing them with every godawful movie my PB's ever been in. You even made a post about 'motherfuckin' snakes in my motherfuckin' office'. This clearly indicates your inability to form a sound thought. Frankly, I'm surprised you're capable of dressing and feeding yourself. You might require your own handler.

[Hey... that's just... that's just low, man.]

I. Do. Not. Care. And I swear to god, woman, if you tell one more person that I lost my eye in a Mexican cock-fight to a crazy-ass rooster named 'Bernardo' while undercover, I will toss you in that cell with Loki.

[....*beams*]

Wait. Rewind that. I will toss you in a cell with Wayne Newton.

[... You asshole.]

That's Director Asshole to you. And you're welcome.

Comments

[onlyneedsone]

Now... you, Agent Coulson, I think I'd like you to--

[Get you donuts? Get himself donuts? Get me donuts?]

... Find away to put a muzzle on her.

[Aww. That's no fun.]

[gotoagent]

I still have my taser, Sir. It's not a muzzle but I'm sure it will fix things.

[onlyneedsone]

[What? No... Coulson. Why would you even?]

[Smirks] I'll allow it.

[gotoagent]

[Has his taser ready.] I must admit, this is one of the more enjoyable parts of my job.

[onlyneedsone]

[*hides under blankets*]

You brought this on yourself, mundane.

[gotoagent]

[Just smiles. He's only going to fire if you keep being a bother.]

I can't understand why they think all I like to eat is doughnuts.

[onlyneedsone]

You can thank that little short-clip of you in the gas station getting donuts. They seem to take that as gospel, now.

[gotoagent]

Oh, well I couldn't pick which flavor since I only get them on the road.

[onlyneedsone]

Which just further adds to the 'give Coulson treats' mentality. I'm sincerely hoping they don't make any Fury-clips.

[gotoagent]

[Just a smile, with a little sad.]

You're next on the list if I'm dead, thought my writer hopes I'm not.

[onlyneedsone]

You do realize that the majority of fandom refuses to admit that fact.

[gotoagent]

My writer says I should have "warm fuzzies" for their loyalty.

[onlyneedsone]

No offense, Agent, but I just don't see you as the 'warm fuzzy' type.

[gotoagent]

I would take it as an offense if you did, Sir.

[onlyneedsone]

Which is why you're one of my more reliable agents.

[gotoagent]

Thank you, Sir. I enjoy my job.

[onlyneedsone]

I'm glad to hear that.

[Pulls a pack of mini-donuts out of his desk (what - it's donut day) and pops one in his mouth.]

Donut?

[gotoagent]

Yes. Thank you, Director.

[onlyneedsone]

I'm beginning to see your fondness for them.

[gotoagent]

I don't know anyone that would turn down a mini-donut.