dear_mun | When Muses Attack

What is wrong with you?

[What? I just thou--]

No. You didn't think. Thinking appears to be a state you're unable to achieve. If you could, then you wouldn't have made me. Yes, yes, 'you did it first'...

[But--]

You haven't even seen the damn movie yet. You're taking the two snippets you've seen of me in Iron Man and Thor and fusing them with every godawful movie my PB's ever been in. You even made a post about 'motherfuckin' snakes in my motherfuckin' office'. This clearly indicates your inability to form a sound thought. Frankly, I'm surprised you're capable of dressing and feeding yourself. You might require your own handler.

[Hey... that's just... that's just low, man.]

I. Do. Not. Care. And I swear to god, woman, if you tell one more person that I lost my eye in a Mexican cock-fight to a crazy-ass rooster named 'Bernardo' while undercover, I will toss you in that cell with Loki.

[....*beams*]

Wait. Rewind that. I will toss you in a cell with Wayne Newton.

[... You asshole.]

That's Director Asshole to you. And you're welcome.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hey, I'm always serious when on assignment.

And when on assignment to... dissuade Stark from achieving jolly-reaching status?

I will take that with the utmost of seriousness, director.

See that you do.

[Mun is far too amused at this plan now.]

Do I need to get you Loki's muzzle?

[After he's worn it?]

You're hopeless.

I don't get what the women see in that greasy-haired bastard.

I have no idea. A fact I'm quite pleased with.

[What? You don't? God.. it's like... his voice, and his eyes, and--]

[Puts muzzle on her and tosses her in a closet]

I think I hate her.

I'm starting to agree with you, director. I'm ten times more handsome than Loki.

Oh, don't get her started on you, Barton.

[Frantic kicking and muffled sounds from the closet]

Okay, now I'm curious.

No, you are not. [Kicks closet]

I refuse to inflate that ego of yours any more. She has an unhealthy obsession with three of you, and I'd prefer not to hear any more.

Aw, c'mon, director. It can't be that bad.

At least she isn't a guy. Like a certain someone.

[Oi!]

What your mun's sexuality is, is none of my concern, Barton. My mentally unstable little nympho, however, needs constant monitoring.

[He's got a great ass! And that smiiiiile...]

Damn it! How'd you get that off?

[I'm a NINJA!]

You're about to get an asswhupping.

[Stifled sniggering.]

This situation amuses you? Need I point out your mun's desire to pair you with Deadpool?

He doesn't mean--

[/innocent whistling]

No. No way. Not in that way. I could stand My Sharona and the incessant talking, but...

Dude, that's just wrong.

At least I'm not being paired with anyone in any way other than the eternal babysitter.

You, on the other hand, have been thrown in with... well, with everyone.

Every-

[Wait.]

You and Coulson?

[Okay, that's hilarious. Cracking up now, brb.]

[One raised brow]

Do you realize how many Coulson-Barton pairings I've seen?

At least some of them are female.

I believe I've also seen one female Fury.

[Someone was not impressed]

And from what I've seen... [And remember, that's everything]- the majority of them are male. The vast majority.

Yeah, but this guy's not making me do 'em.

How fortunate for you. Besides, I'm not sure how pleased I am with the idea of you married and pregnant with my best agent.

... What?

Please tell me I keep my figure.

You glow, Barton.

[Smirk]

That didn't answer my question, sir.

(no subject)

onlyneedsone - 2012-06-03 22:51 (UTC) - Expand