dear_mun | Homeless and looking, maybe considering somarium

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canon: kuroshitsuji (black butler)

Homeless and looking, maybe considering somarium

Greetings, Miss Mun!!

Isn't it a lovely day? Yes, I know it's raining but it's still lovely and rain is good for many things. And we are safe and warm here!

Ah, I'm really glad to see you again! It hasn't been that long but I can see many things have changed, are you sure we will be all right here? Will I be able to meet Ciel? I'm worried about him, please, Miss Mun, try to find a place where I can be with him, yes? Don't be afraid, I'm sure we will do fine! Why don't you look at that place I was in before once more? I know we didn't do that well, but things are different now for both of us and I'm confident you can do it!

Don't worry, I'll be with you the whole time, we can do it!

[And if things get bad she has two rapiers ready for use and at easy reach, but she won't say that aloud.]

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[He jumps a little] I didn't mean-- [what didn't he mean? Now he's confused]

[sigh] Its fine. You don't have to get so worked up.

It's fine... Is it really fine? You're not angry? Or disgusted?

[She's still cute for him, right?]

Huh?! [cue mass confusion] Why would you think that?

You said I had changed...

[What if the change is something you don't like, Ciel? It could be!]

Changing isn't bad, Lizzie. If you always stay the same, what is there to live for?

But I don't want to change into something you don't like.

[It's kind of the whole issue with being cute and sweet. He said he liked that and didn't like how her mother was, scary and strong. Even if she decided to become a wife that could protect him, she still wants to be a wife that he can protect.]

[You have reaaaally lost him this time]

How will you know what I like or don't like? Don't be something else just because it's what you think I'd prefer. [he scoffs a little] Then again, you never listen to what I say anyway.

I listen to what you say! You said you didn't want a strong wife, because it scares you! I don't want to change into someone you won't want as your wife.

[But it's too late for that. She already is that way, still... He saw her, he saw her uncute side but still seemed to care... Of course, though, she can't really think that everything is fine, the situation they were in wasn't one to get into a quarrel, was it? And he never answered, he never said he wouldn't hate her or take her as his wife regardless of w she was. And this Ciel doesn't know yet, so...

It's indeed better to be cute after all.]

Huh? [Where is all of THIS coming from. Oh, sure, Edward gave him a breif overview of what he missed... but there were lots of details he coudln't relay.]

[He sighs. she cna be so aggrivating. Are all girls this way? he suspects so.] I said it ebfore, didn't I? 'If you always stay the same, what is there to live for?' I was a child when I said that.

So you don't think that anymore? What kind of wife do you want?

[It's a valid question, one she had never made but she wants to know. It's hard to know with Ciel at times, he always acts as if all she does is bother him and she can't help to hesitate at things he says. Is he saying it so she will be happy and shut up or is he really being honest? There are things that she knows for sure now, but there are still many things she can't be sure about.]

[Pause] I hadn't given it much thought, actually...

[No, forget it. It's not something he needs to think about. He shakes his head] It doesn't matter, I could easily change my mind again. Besides. [he sobers, looks her straight in the eye, hoping, that this will finally get it through her head... without lying. He hates lying to her.]

On the day I marry someone, that someone will be you, no matter what. I don't want anyone else.

[No matter what, it will be her. He doesn't want anyone else... She smiles, it's reassuring, how could it not be? No matter if she's scary or not, if she's cute or not, he will take her as his wife. Was that what he was going to say back then? "I would never break the engagement"?]

Thank you, Ciel.

[She smiles, reassured.

But, Ciel, there's a difference between a wife taken because it was decided so and you want to uphold that arrangement, and one taken because she makes you happy. And yet they aren't exclusive of each other. A wife for him to protect, a wife that can protect him, a wife that will support and shield as needed, a wife that will make him proud and happy. It's not that much to ask for to be able to be that way, is it?

His words are reassuring... Yet they also feel dismissive. If he hasn't given it even a bit of thought, doesn't that mean that he just doesn't care? She could be the worst wife in the world and he would still take her. It's reassuring, but that's all it is.]

What are you thanking me for?

Shouldn't I thank you?

I guess it's not that you shouldn't, just that I don't think I've said anything that really deserves an expression of gratitude.

It's not only my decision after all, is it? It's yours, too.

[Saying that only makes his previous words feel even more dismissive. But Lizzie keeps a smile in her face, giggling a bit even. Silly Ciel, her decision has been made for longer than what you could expect.]

I only want you as my husband, no matter where you go or what you do or how you look. I won't accept anyone else. The kind of husband that I wish for, is the kind of husband that you will be.

[Sorry, Lizzie. Ciel doesn't mean to be terrible. He's just not any good at these things. Even when he tries, it goes badly. But... hearing her say those things... when did she become so... ]

Then I'm very lucky. [And he tries a smile on. Only a little one. But it's just for her.]

[That makes her smile even more. If he only could understand how happy that makes her, even if it's a small smile, even if it's one for her, the knowledge that she has been able to make him even a bit happy. She throws herself to his arms again... Or rather going to hug him again.]

I'm very lucky as well, Ciel! And I'm happy to know that I'll be with you soon again. How long was I gone?

[It's hard to know how long it was in her current position, okay.]

[ --ah, ok, another hug. He's a little more prepared this time. He's glad she wont' be able to see the smile slip off his face.]

It's been a year, now.

[She freezes at that... One whole year? She had abandoned him for one whole year? She knew it had been a long time but... She didn't expect it to be that long. Her arms hug him even more tightly, tears threatening to spill, she had failed him, she had been unable to be with him. Once again he had been forced to be alone, without his family there. She knows she had no power over it... But she still feels guilty.

It won't happen again. She will find a way to make sure of it. Even if this Ciel hasn't seen her uncute side yet, even if it's better to be cute... She won't allow anything or anyone to do anything to him.]

I'm sorry. Even if I know I had no say over it, I'm sorry you had to be alone, I really wanted to be with you. But it won't happen again, I won't abandon you ever again. I'm sorry.... Is Sebastian still there?

[he just sighs, though it makes no sound, as she's practically squeazing the life out of him. But, he reaches up and gently pats her on the back]

It's fine. You don't need to worry about me. Sebastian has been here the whole time. [except for those two weeks, but he returned soon enough...] ... [This is not eays for him to admit, and thank goodness she's not looking, because his cheeks are a litle flushed.] I... missed you.

Even so... Just with Sebastian it's not enough! It's just like things were back then, it shouldn't be ever like that again. I don't want you to be alone like that again!

[She whines but she doesn't mind it. It's really horrible, even if she knows that if Ciel is with Sebastian she shouldn't worry, that he will be fine. She still wants to be there with and for him.

Her grip loosens in small and brief surprise when he says that. He missed her. It's... It may be the first time she heard him say that in a long while. It makes her happy and angry, happy because she was missed, angry because he missed her, because she wasn't there with him.]

I'll be there soon. I promise and everything will be fine!

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Homeless and looking, maybe considering somarium

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