voice testing.

[flagg]

Well, c'mon, lil pardner, don't I get a real face? A nice big grin, all the chompers I can call my own — why, what was it that dullard said about me? I look like anybody you meet on the street. Yes, I do! Any face, any face at all! Step right up, don't be shy! Just so's long's there's a smile. You know me. Easy to please, both myself and others.

And I like this little game of ours. What an adorable little stand-off we have here. Maybe you can get in my head, maybe you can! It's been done, I won't lie. I certainly don't even have a piece-a crap tin foil hat at the moment. You got me dead to rights, officer, and confiscated all my toys. So here I'll stay, as you please. Bide a while. Get to know you. How's that? We'll be friends real soon. I know it.

Comments

[flagg]

That is for sure one of life's conundrums, my friend. I also used to wonder in what orifice exactly sailors wanted to fuck mermaids.

[wontturntofoam]

I--

[Well, it's a little alarming that you went directly there.]

I was not aware that that was a thing which... sailors desired to do. But surely you yourself know how it is that you are capable of speech?

[flagg]

Shirley, that's a good one, I've never been a Shirley before! I could be a be-yoo-tiful lady if I put my mind to it, I bet. What d'you think, buddy?

[wontturntofoam]

I don't think even the finest lady could be beautiful if she didn't have a face.

[flagg]

You're a particular gent, and I can't fault you that one. But faces come and go, my dear — many parts of the body do, yes! — and that is the gospel truth. In my experience, I've found there's nothing people find more attractive than a big ol' smile.

[wontturntofoam]

I do agree with you about that, but surely one needs a face, in order to smile? Otherwise there would be naught but the expressionless baring of teeth, which I tell you from experience, is not much like the smile of an attractive human?

[flagg]

Perhaps, perhaps! I think I've got just enough face for a good smile. It will have to do for now. I can smile and I can dance and I can walk long dark roads if only I were free. I do so enjoy legs. Don't you?

[wontturntofoam]

I think I would like to see how much face you have. Show me at once.

[nghgh these things you say /o\]

I have mixed feelings about the workings of my legs. Have we ever met before?

[flagg]

My goodness, how saucy. Questions and demands. But what will you show me?

[wontturntofoam]

You haven't answered any of my questions, or bowed to any of my demands, or told me what you want, so I don't know why I would show you anything!

[flagg]

Then we're square, pardner. No free lunch, as it were. Though I do enjoy sushi every now and then.

[wontturntofoam]

I don't want a free lunch, I just wish to see your face! You can see mine, can't you? Is that not a fair trade?

I might be prepared to purchase you a meal from Umibozu, if you wanted sushi as an additional token of my desire to see what is wrong with you?

[flagg]

But you walk around giving your face to everyone, don't you? Like a filthy face whore.

[wontturntofoam]

You're the one trying to charge for your face! You are the face whore!

[flagg]

[That's it, he starts laughing and can't stop. No one has ever yelled at him like that, and certainly not using those words. He's doubled over and clutching his stomach, and his hoodie-obscured face, for way too long.]

lol I accidentally banned you for a second. I LIKE TO THINK IT WAS SHRIEKY, MID-TANTRUM

[wontturntofoam]

[Oh did he make the no face man cry? It takes Shrieky a moment to calm down an figure out exactly what the reaction is that he's getting here.]

I don't know what you're laughing at. This isn't funny, it's all just perplexing and strange.

HAHAHA

[flagg]

[Laughter tapering off into giggles, he manages—]

Self... self-evident paradox, don't you see? If you did see why it was funny, it wouldn't be funny anymore.

[wontturntofoam]

[If Shrieky found it funny, it would no longer be funny. Therefore if Shrieky was happy, it would no longer be funny. Therefore...]

You're laughing at me. Because I am angry at you for saying those things about my face.

Normal people do not withold their faces from others! I am not the one who should be laughed at!

[flagg]

[Flagg keeps giggling, though. He often laughs at things that aren't funny as well.]

A particular gent, yes. That's you all over.