homeless but considering changing that. ( canon is parks and rec. )

[brothernature]

Okay, so. Space. Let's talk about space. Why do you want to talk about space, Andy Dwyer? --is what you would totally ask me, so I'll tell you, keyboard... typing... head... lady-person.

I want to talk about space because I want to go to space. And take a tour of the moon, and then a trip to Ur-- [ OKAY HALF HOUR LAUGHTER BREAK. ] Uranus. I would like to take a tour of Uranus.

...But not really, that's a joke. Because a Uranus is a butt. Get it? But I don't really want to touch your butt. That's because I'm married, and you can't touch other people's butts anymore after you marry. There's like a law? Or a force field. Unless you're a butt doctor, then it's cool because it's your job, but only if you're in your office touching the butts. Otherwise: bam, butt force field. I read that on the internet once.

What were we talking about? Right, okay. Space. You should send me and April to space, because we'd be awesome at it. She's smart, and I could fight aliens. Or space bears, if they should happen to exist, which I don't know if I believe. Yet. Because no one can prove them.

[ give andy a moment to address a now non-existent camera crew. look, they should be on this adventure too-- now they're here in spirit. plus, it's kind of a habit now? ]

They totally exist, by the way. People laugh, but if you can't disprove space bears then it's really kind of unfair to say they're not real, you know? They have feelings. I think, maybe. I know they have claws and teeth and they're like forty miles tall, and they're out there. Waiting for the right person to fight them. Waiting for me.

Andy Dwyer: Space Bear Vanquishing...erer. Er. It's got a nice ring to it.

[ AND NOW LIKE HE NEVER PAUSED. ]

So, heretofore in... malum prohibitous... Latining, you should send me, Andy Dwyer, and my wife April to space. [ ...there should be more. ] Vote Andy!

Comments

[budgets]

[ PAUSE because on the one hand that isn't a wholly inaccurate statement. on the other...space. and possibly the doctor. ]

I don't know the space ninjas. I also know that if we all leave for space we'll probably lose our jobs. Or...you will.

[ CAUSE LOL UNEMPLOYED........ ]

[brothernature]

Right, because you got fired for banging Leslie. [ ...that's not what actually happened, andy. technically. also, way to be sensitive about it. ] Which means you should come to space, because you don't have a job to lose! Man, you're lucky. Those were the days. Sitting on the couch naked, watching Scooby Doo...

[budgets]

[ THERE IS SO MUCH MISINFORMATION THERE... ]

I didn't...I've never sat on the couch naked.

[brothernature]

[ brb misunderstanding your worry here, ben. ]

Bro, it's cool. I get it, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. [ reassuring shoulder pat, go. ] And April and I have sex on the couch all the time, so it's cool. Bros don't have to worry about stuff like that.

[budgets]

[ SCREAMING NO NO NO OH GOD HE SITS HERE TO WATCH GAME OF THRONES ANDY WHAT THE HELL. ]

Oh. I...I'm going to go put bleach on the shopping list. And matches...

[brothernature]

[ WHAT, IT'S A COMMUNAL COUCH. but if that tweaks him out, maybe andy shouldn't talk about ben's comforter. or once, the floor of his room. or the bathroom. or-- pretty much everywhere and everything in the apartment. ]

Oh man, can you grab some marshmallows, too? We're out. I'll totally pay you back.

[budgets]

[ OH GOD NO ben needs to put a lock on his door. ]

Yeah. Marshmallows, lighter fluid. The works.

[ ben doubts he'll ever see that money. ]

[brothernature]

[ BUT IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT BETWEEN MAN AND WIFE and hey, if ben and leslie ever want to bang on the couch andy supports them. like a good bro would. ]

And while you're there... [ this overly casual tone is quite literally the easiest to read ever. ] Maybe grab some studio time for Mouserat? Or something. Maybe.