Canon is Breaking Bad, of course.

[tweeker]

Yo, okay, lemme get this straight. You wanna drag my ass outta Mexico and throw me in some city called Shittygays or whatever - where, like, my soul turns into an animal?

Like some fucking Saturday morning cartoon Disney shit? For real? For real?

Okay, okay, okay. I get that I ain't exactly in a position to get picky. I mean, it fuckin' beats being some cartel's bitch for the rest of my life, right? But if you make that shit a blowfish, I will seriously kick your ass.

My soul's, like, a fuckin' dragon, you got it? Like a red one. With huge flaming wings, bitch.

Comments

2/2

[jurisimpudent]

Absolutely I do not!

[tweeker]

I don't see anybody else around here all wearing ruffles, do you?

[jurisimpudent]

This cravat is a sign of maturity, not being a juvenile, I shall have you know.

[tweeker]

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Like I even care about your renaissance faire shit.

[jurisimpudent]

...Name?

[tweeker]

Who's asking?

[jurisimpudent]

You may have my name when I have yours.

[tweeker]

Yeah? Then the name's Go Fuck Yourself. It's French for Go Fuck Yourself.

[jurisimpudent]

I will have you know that I speak French fluently and that is absolutely not French! Your name!

[tweeker]

What's with you, anyway? Did, like, the gerbil get stuck up there last night or what?

[jurisimpudent]

If that is some "slang" or "metaphor" that young people are using nowadays, I do not know it. I am merely asking for your name; give it to me.

[tweeker]

I'm saying uh did you get a hamster or armadillo or whatever stuck up your ass, homo.

[jurisimpudent]

Wh...First of all, I am not your "homo," nor your "compadre," nor any such foolish terms. Second, again, there are children around, so such grotesque idioms are not to be used!

[tweeker]

Don't tell me you're hiding kids up your ass too, man. That's sick.

[jurisimpudent]

That - that is not amusing, I will have you know! And stop using profanities!

[tweeker]

Make me, bitch.

[jurisimpudent]

...I will bring you up on charges if you do not.

[tweeker]

Yeaaaah! Bring it! Call the cops right now! I gotta hear this shit.

[jurisimpudent]

And while I'm at it, shall I bring you up on drug charges?

[tweeker]

Nice! Yeah! Throw it all right in there, bitch, 'cause I'd love to see you prove it.

[jurisimpudent]

You were not, of course, a victim of this aforementioned cartel. Correct?

[tweeker]

Depends on your definition of "victim", doesn't it?

[jurisimpudent]

I would say that you got yourself into the mess, but you've an American accent. To get to Mexico, you'd need a passport, and you do not strike me as the sort with either the wherewithal or the patience - or, frankly, the funds - to get said passport. Am I incorrect?

[tweeker]

Yeah, fuck you, first off - and I got a passport, but they didn't ship me down there by the usual route.

[jurisimpudent]

Then what was the route?