Canon is Breaking Bad, of course.

[tweeker]

Yo, okay, lemme get this straight. You wanna drag my ass outta Mexico and throw me in some city called Shittygays or whatever - where, like, my soul turns into an animal?

Like some fucking Saturday morning cartoon Disney shit? For real? For real?

Okay, okay, okay. I get that I ain't exactly in a position to get picky. I mean, it fuckin' beats being some cartel's bitch for the rest of my life, right? But if you make that shit a blowfish, I will seriously kick your ass.

My soul's, like, a fuckin' dragon, you got it? Like a red one. With huge flaming wings, bitch.

Comments

[jurisimpudent]

Thank you for the invitation. And how, precisely, did you get yourself into such a "pickle"?

[tweeker]

I asked for it. That's what you want me to say, right.

[jurisimpudent]

I want you to say whatever is true.

[tweeker]

My asshole boss told me they were sending me down just to show them how to cook, but I guess they, uh, worked out a better deal. One that involved keeping me there forever in their shithole of a lab in the middle of fucking Mexico.

[jurisimpudent]

"Cook." Methamphetamine, then? Or some other sort of synthetic drug?

[tweeker]

Meth, yeah. The blue.

[jurisimpudent]

..."Blue"? I will grant that drug law is not my specialty, but do methamphetamines not typically take the form of a white powder?

[tweeker]

Yo we cook it with methylamine, straight up. That's how you know it's ours. The quality stuff. But I'm talking the rock, man, not the powder. The rock's cotton candy blue 'cause of the methylamine so they call it the blue.

[jurisimpudent]

And your skill in cooking this substance was why your employer sold you off to this cartel?

[tweeker]

Yeah. I make that shit 96.4% pure. That's, like, a fucking work of art, man.

[jurisimpudent]

...Doubtless. What did he get in return?

[tweeker]

Well, uh, considering we were at war with them, I guess he gets to not have his guys iced all over the fucking place. Plus he's still got Heisenberg, so's I guess he figured why keep the student when he's got the teacher, right? I'm expendable.

[jurisimpudent]

He sounds, if you will forgive me, like a coward and altogether evil.

[tweeker]

Yeah. Yeah, I'd say evil's a good word for him.

[jurisimpudent]

...Would you report him to the police?

[tweeker]

I can't.

[jurisimpudent]

Why not?

[tweeker]

I just told you. The guy has my teacher.

[jurisimpudent]

All the more reason. They can get him out of there.

[tweeker]

They'll kill him, man. They'll kill his kids.

[jurisimpudent]

He'll be given protection.

[tweeker]

You don't know these guys.

[jurisimpudent]

Of course I do. I've dedicated the past eight years of my life to studying criminal psychology, criminal resources...We can keep your teacher safe, even in spite of his criminal record.

[tweeker]

Yeah - well - too bad he's alls the way in fucking ABQ and my window's underneath a Mexican cartel's meth lab, huh.

[jurisimpudent]

...ABQ?