because sam rockwell is the best

[therealgenius]

Oh? Me? You chose me?

Well, ah...I'm flattered, really. And the name's nice, you know, uh...real eye-catching. Truthful, and I'm a man of truth. Truth and weapons, that's pretty much me. And you know, I'll be coming back. Justin Hammer isn't going to fall off the face of the Earth because some CEO I won't name thinks she can take out the competition. Where's the proof, right?

Yeah, it's a shame. I agree that I don't "get enough love." I really do. But that's what's expected when you've got fuc— [Rubbing his forehead, count to ten, Justin, count to ten] —all right, all right. I'm good. I'm okay. Let's...do whatever we're going to do, minus all your stupid jokes about prison, birds, and Russians. I could really scoot on by forever without them.

I don't know about this "Mjolnir" crap, but the only Hammer that matters to the great United States of America? That would be me. You've chosen so wisely that there's nothing wiser you can at this point, so you may as well just make a bunch of bad decisions and go off to the Stark Expo.

I'm thrilled to work with you. Let's blow some shit up.

Comments

[therealgenius]

[Haha...did anyone else notice that Hammer Industries logo looks a lot like Asgard...oh dear.]

Oh. Right. You're the...uh. Demi-god Mjolnir guy, right?

[godoftableflips]

[ He must be a fan, obvs. ]

I am Mjolnir's wielder, yes. The hammer you claimed ranked below you. [ Wanna say that again to his face? ]

[therealgenius]

[It's gotta be because of, well...hammers. He likes hammers.

Just not the ones with sickles, because fffff gd Russians screwing up his life. Russians and birds. Screw them forever.]

Aha...well. I, uh...fuck.

[godoftableflips]

Perhaps you wish to rephrase your claim.

Or would you prefer to see exactly what this hammer can do?

[therealgenius]

What claim? What, what are you talking about?

...they make 'em big in Asgard, don't they?

[godoftableflips]

You said you were the only hammer of merit to your country.

[therealgenius]

It's—it's, ah. It's my name.

Justin Hammer, I work with the American government and have since I got into the industry.

...but if you're not American, I mean, you're here on a Green Card? Retainer? Something? See, I am the hammer, like, uh...like Tony is Iron Man? Is it...making any more sense now?

...man you're. Uh. Big.

[godoftableflips]

[ so very, very big ]

All of Midgard falls under my protection. I claim no allegiance to one country of your world.

[therealgenius]

[Don't mind him shrinking back a bit, do you?]

Yeah, uh...that's really nice and everything, but I think we're uh...we're pretty good. I mean, apparently Captain America's back, and we have...

Have you heard of personal space? Because you're in my bubble. You're all up in my bubble and I've got, you know, like...I like my bubble. My bubble is pretty much all I have anymore, okay? So can you just...respect the bubble. Just. Right. Aha.

[godoftableflips]

[ He can't help but loom. Slouching isn't an option for Asgardians. ]

Your world may face further threats from beyond, now that Earth has shown itself a force to be reckoned with. Steve Rogers cannot hope to hold them at bay alone.

[therealgenius]

[PERSONAL SPACE, MOTHER FUCKER, DO YOU SPEAK IT?]

...right, but you're still in my bubble.

[godoftableflips]

Who prevents you from moving?

[therealgenius]

[...

Slides to the right]