voicetesting. terrified. be gentle.

[theorizes]

I hardly think any of this is necessary, but of course you wouldn't think so.

You have the same basic IQ as a chimpanzee that has fallen from the tallest tree of their native habitat, hitting their head on every branch down, and landing in a reasoning splat on the floor, mocked by all of his colleagues and fellow apes with pointy sticks and loud obnoxious chortling, complete with the copious throwing of fecal matter at the lack of intelligence exhibited by their fallen comrade.

In short, I have a Nobel Prize to win, and you have groceries to bag.

You see where we won't get along.

Comments

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

Indeed, we'll start with the fact that you're boring and move to the fact that you are incorrect.

[Sorry Sheldon, this is Sherlock, after all.]

omg. i laughed so hard. 1/2

[theorizes]

[Give him a moment to absorb that clearly incorrect statement about him being incorrect.]

[theorizes]

Excuse me?

[ofthursday]

That metaphor was extremely long.

[And unnecessary.]

XD It's good, isn't it?

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[He sighs.]

You are based on a prototype. And I am more closely aligned to that prototype than you are, so if anyone will be falling short... it will be you.

[Now he has chemicals to analyse, excuse him.]

[theorizes]

My ventromedial prefrontal cortex is releasing so much endorphin that I may develop cataplexy.

[Sheldon has not so much as cracked the slightest hint of a smile since this conversation has started.]

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

Well, if you collapse in a heap on the ground, I might notice. IF I do, I'll try to remember to call the medics.

[theorizes]

No. Stephen Hawking's theorem on gravitational singularities was long.

That was a well-formed point concerning the idiocy of a woman who considers a bachelor of arts in philosophy an education.

[theorizes]

I'm attempting to remember whether or not your introduced yourself before your haphazard attempt to insult me began, but I lost myself in hysterics.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[He's still completely calm.]

And that is another mistake, you care.

[Finally he sets the paper aside and looks at Sheldon.]

Sherlock Holmes, the world's only consulting detective.

[theorizes]

[ -- okay, that gets the tiniest hiccup of a laugh.]

Clearly you've never seen Craigslist.

[ofthursday]

A theorem and a metaphor are different things.

[...And now he's lost.]

'Bachelor of arts'?

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[And he's back to looking at papers, he caught the laugh.]

You think I am lying. I assure you I am not. You young types are all over the internet... Goto "The Science of Deduction" dot "c" "o" dot "u" "k".

[He's from Britain, what the hell is Craigslist? He just pays it no mind. He knows he's the only one.]

[theorizes]

[ . . . ]

Joy and rapture -- another subject for the ever-evolving social experiment of observing the average human mind trapped in the doldrums of mediocrity.

[And Sheldon crosses his arms.]

I do believe I've encountered another community college "graduate" from Nebraska.

[theorizes]

Or you could simply check out the six books I've written along with countless experiments in order to truly examine how little I care.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

Too late. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have had any reaction at all. You care so much that not only did you try to cover your reaction, but now you are denying it by trying to show how "impressive" you are.

[Sherlock doesn't need to do air quotes. His tone of voice is enough to indicate them.]

[theorizes]

I am the leading expert on the reconciliation between general relatively and quantum mechanics. I don't need anyone to tell me how 'impressive' I am.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

The leading expert on something that isn't even a theory yet, must be a terrible burden maintaining your status.

[Says a completely bored and obviously unimpressed Sherlock, who is also now pressing Sheldon's buttons just because he can.]

[ofthursday]

What is community college?

[Don't mind the derp angel, he'll just focus on these things instead of the rest of the content.]

[theorizes]

Isn't even a --

[EXCUSE YOU.]

It is the main contender for solving the TOE! What do you mean, isn't even a theory yet?

[cuteberserker]

...you talk funny!

[theorizes]

A cesspool of average intellect.

[Pause.]

Penny attended a class or two. She would be the [oh god view the cringe in his expression] expert on the environment.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

Because in and of itself, it still cannot be the Theory of Everything. On it's own standing it doesn't have enough credit to even be called a theory.

[Sherlock is still pressing buttons.]

And once again, you are revealing how much you care. If you cared less, you would accomplish more.

[It works for Sherlock.]

[theorizes]

You just told me that 'I talk funny' and you're accusing me of such.

[theorizes]

I'm not going to discuss the intricate qualities of string theory with an idiot.