voicetesting. terrified. be gentle.

[theorizes]

I hardly think any of this is necessary, but of course you wouldn't think so.

You have the same basic IQ as a chimpanzee that has fallen from the tallest tree of their native habitat, hitting their head on every branch down, and landing in a reasoning splat on the floor, mocked by all of his colleagues and fellow apes with pointy sticks and loud obnoxious chortling, complete with the copious throwing of fecal matter at the lack of intelligence exhibited by their fallen comrade.

In short, I have a Nobel Prize to win, and you have groceries to bag.

You see where we won't get along.

Comments

[theorizes]

My ventromedial prefrontal cortex is releasing so much endorphin that I may develop cataplexy.

[Sheldon has not so much as cracked the slightest hint of a smile since this conversation has started.]

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

Well, if you collapse in a heap on the ground, I might notice. IF I do, I'll try to remember to call the medics.

[theorizes]

I'm attempting to remember whether or not your introduced yourself before your haphazard attempt to insult me began, but I lost myself in hysterics.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[He's still completely calm.]

And that is another mistake, you care.

[Finally he sets the paper aside and looks at Sheldon.]

Sherlock Holmes, the world's only consulting detective.

[theorizes]

[ -- okay, that gets the tiniest hiccup of a laugh.]

Clearly you've never seen Craigslist.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[And he's back to looking at papers, he caught the laugh.]

You think I am lying. I assure you I am not. You young types are all over the internet... Goto "The Science of Deduction" dot "c" "o" dot "u" "k".

[He's from Britain, what the hell is Craigslist? He just pays it no mind. He knows he's the only one.]

[theorizes]

Or you could simply check out the six books I've written along with countless experiments in order to truly examine how little I care.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

Too late. If you didn't care, you wouldn't have had any reaction at all. You care so much that not only did you try to cover your reaction, but now you are denying it by trying to show how "impressive" you are.

[Sherlock doesn't need to do air quotes. His tone of voice is enough to indicate them.]

[theorizes]

I am the leading expert on the reconciliation between general relatively and quantum mechanics. I don't need anyone to tell me how 'impressive' I am.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

The leading expert on something that isn't even a theory yet, must be a terrible burden maintaining your status.

[Says a completely bored and obviously unimpressed Sherlock, who is also now pressing Sheldon's buttons just because he can.]

[theorizes]

Isn't even a --

[EXCUSE YOU.]

It is the main contender for solving the TOE! What do you mean, isn't even a theory yet?

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

Because in and of itself, it still cannot be the Theory of Everything. On it's own standing it doesn't have enough credit to even be called a theory.

[Sherlock is still pressing buttons.]

And once again, you are revealing how much you care. If you cared less, you would accomplish more.

[It works for Sherlock.]

[theorizes]

I'm not going to discuss the intricate qualities of string theory with an idiot.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

That's the first smart thing you've said this entire conversation. Never discuss anything intricate with an idiot. Which is why I haven't been discussing anything with you.

[And now he's texting his results to... someone.]

[theorizes]

[He offers a withering look.]

I'm far and beyond used to individuals mocking my intelligence to bolster their own. Whatever you're Tweeting will have no impact on furthering my research.

[highfunctioning_sociopath]

[Sherlock is asking Watson if he should tell Sheldon that he doesn't know the Earth goes around the Sun. He decides he should just show Sheldon the blog entry.]

I don't need my intelligence bolstered. But don't take my word for it read this...

[On his mobile is this blog entry: http://www.johnwatsonblog.co.uk/blog/07february ]