Spoilers for Avengers possible in comments!

[lion_of_asgard]

Worry not, mun! For you have been selected to chronicle the adventures of Volstagg the Voluminous, Lion of Asgard, best looking and most important member of the Warrior's Three!

What is that? Your question why I was not in the so-called "film" about my friend and lord, Thor and his mortal sidekicks? Why, the answer is simple!

The All-Father did only send Thor and not the Lion of Asgard so that the humans could aide in the fight for their world and not be embarrassed to be saved by one of my glory!  Even mortals must have their pride, after all.  If Volstagg were to solve all their problems for them, then not only would the film be quite short, but the mortals would be quite embarrassed and their women quite grateful.  And Volstagg is already happily married!  He would not dare break that many hearts!

Comments

There is no drink in the world stiff enough for if Volstagg comes to England.

[hotlittlehands]

....clearly.

Re: There is no drink in the world stiff enough for if Volstagg comes to England.

[lion_of_asgard]

Ah ha! Clearly a mortal with clarity of vision to so easily see the truth of my words!

[asgardiantrickster]

...and here I was told that I might not see you. ( Yet another familiar face. He's somewhat pleased. Now if only he could find his Brother. Precoronation Loki here. )

[lion_of_asgard]

Loki! Can it be you have escaped your punishments so soon?

[hotlittlehands]

I think it would take a lot of effort to not see something that-- *ahem* --noticeable.

yes yes yes.

[godoftableflips]

That is not how I heard it, my friend.

Re: yes yes yes.

[lion_of_asgard]

Thor!

Perhaps... perhaps I do exaggerate... but only by the smallest fraction!

[trickstering]

That must have been it.

[lion_of_asgard]

You see to undermine my truths with your lies, Loki, by pretending to agree with me! The Lion of Asgard is ever watchful for your tricks, his canny mind braced like a trap of steel.

Poor naive Lar.

[gettheleadout]

Wow... you must really be something, sir.

Re: Poor naive Lar.

[lion_of_asgard]

*claps a hand on the boy's shoulder* But of course, young one! Am I not Volstagg? Victor of a thousand battles, warrior from a thousand wars, known throughout all the Nine Realms?

Let me regale you with tales of my victories!

[glaived]

Yes, clearly that is the only reason to have kept you from Midgard.

[lion_of_asgard]

But of course, Lady Sif! What other reasons could the All-Father have for keeping one of my prowess behind?

[ohmythor]

[ .... laughing. She remembers this guy. ]

How gracious of you.

[lion_of_asgard]

One of my many positive qualities, Jane Foster.

:D

[vincent_amora]

I've heard stories about you from my half-brother's father!

*looks him over*

The scale of your... presence was accurately conveyed, I see.

Re: :D

[lion_of_asgard]

Ah, but it goes my heart good to see that my tales yet continue to reach the ears of man!

Not by half, most likely! Volstagg is ever more than he appears!

[redheadpepper]

Are all Asgardians like this?

[lion_of_asgard]

Nay, lass. Sadly, most Asgardians pale in comparison to the likes of Volstagg.

[6collegecredits]

Exactly. Some of us are just so awesome that the movie might have exploded if we were there.

Not to mention the brains of the fans.

[lion_of_asgard]

*laughs* Aye! Well said, small mortal!

[brosif]

Thank goodness for the feast halls of Midgard that you are of such a generous disposition.

[lion_of_asgard]

Aye! A mighty victory would deserve a mighty feast! I know not if the mortal feast halls would be up to such a challenge!

[dusk_and_dawn]

You may be right, I have heard quite a few mortal ladies expressing admiration for your beard.

[lion_of_asgard]

Alas, brave Balder, their hearts shall be broken, for Volstagg can never be theirs.

[lunging]

[A mighty bellow? A MIGHTY BELLOW! Fandral is just so pleased, he pulls Volstagg in an embrace.]

Volstagg, my friend! I thought I would never see you in a place such as this!

[lion_of_asgard]

[Bear hug and laughter!]

Fandral! I go but where my spirit takes me! Or perhaps when it seeks escape when my wife be in one of her moods.

[flaerd]

Ever glad to know the years of my exile and detainment have not shrouded my memory of your ridiculousness.

[lion_of_asgard]

Loki? Ha ha ha!

What jest! What merriment! My ruse has fooled even the lord of lies himself! I merely pretend ridiculousness, so all will underestimate me!

[frog_of_thunder]

"Sidekicks," voluminous Volstagg?

[lion_of_asgard]

A talking frog in the raiment of Thor? Will wonders never cease?

But sidekicks? Yes! Those mortals. The... Avengers, yes, that was it.

[bettertopunchyouwith]

[Hey there mister sort-of-God, meet another one of your kind... even if this one looks like someone gave life to a stone statue, what with how his skin looks like red, cracked paint and all.]

... You're a married man?

[lion_of_asgard]

Aye, to the lovely, Hildegund, flower of Asgardian women, mother of my children.

[spearbreaker]

Ah. [So. Amused.] So that is how it happened.

[lion_of_asgard]

[surprised sputtering]

My liege! I... You see...