His mun is excited for percaligovideo. He is not.

[malignant]

ALLOW ME TO BE THE FIRST TO EXPRESS MY UTMOST CONDOLENCES THAT YOU'VE SOMEHOW FOUND YOURSELF STUCK WITH ME IN THAT RUSTY, DAMP SPACE THAT YOU CALL YOUR BRAIN.

WHILE I'M ON THE LEVEL OF SHARING MY COMPLETE GRATITUDE WITH YOU OVER THE OVERWHELMING ECSTASY THAT I FEEL TOWARDS HAVING TO SIT UP HERE IN THIS PUDDLE OF GOG KNOWS WHAT, HOW ABOUT I START TO LIST OFF THE REASONS WHY YOUR PLAN ON SENDING ME TO THIS PLACE WHEN IT OPENS MIGHT BE ONE OF THE SINGLE WORST IDEAS THAT THE HUMAN RACE HAS EVER COMPOSED.

FOR STARTERS YOU ARE SENDING ME TO EARTH. DO YOU REALLY THINK I'D ENJOY BEING PLACED AMONG MORE OF THOSE SQUISHY, PUS-FILLED GLOBS OF FLESH? I DON'T KNOW IF YOU UNDERSTAND THE GRAVITY OF THIS. NOT ONLY AM I GOING TO BE SURROUNDED BY HUMANS, BUT YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO SLEEP AT NIGHT. ONE, WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN WANT ME TO SLEEP IN THE FIRST PLACE, AND TWO, THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU'RE GOING TO DEPRIVE A FUCKING KID OF SLEEP. THAT'S REALLY GENIUS. IF I FORCE MYSELF TO STAY AWAKE THAT'S ONE THING, BUT FOR AN ADULT LIKE YOU? SHALLOW. AND YOU KEPT TRYING TO ASSURE ME THAT I WAS IN SAFE HANDS.

SECOND PROBLEM! YOU'RE GOING TO PUT ME INTO A HUMAN FUCKING FORM. WHY THE FUCK WOULD I WANT TO BE AS FRAGILE AND BRUISEABLE AS A HUMAN? LET'S LOOK AT THIS A BIT MORE IN DEPTH, SHALL WE? OR ARE YOU SO BIASED BY YOUR OWN SPECIES, THAT YOU CAN'T SEE PAST YOUR CLOUDED EYES TO UNDERSTAND THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE A REAL FUCKING CHALLENGE FOR ME.

OH AND WHILE WE'RE ON CLOUDS, LET'S LOOK AT HOW FUCKING FOGGY THIS PLACE IS GOING TO BE. I MIGHT HAVE FUCKING GREAT NIGHT VISION, BUT YOU'RE GOING TO TURN ME INTO A HUMAN AND MY VISION IN POOR CONDITIONS IS GOING TO GO INTO THE METAPHORICAL SHITTER. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, YOU'RE GOING TO PUT ME IN SCHOOL.

WOULD YOU CARE TO ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT THE FUCK A SCHOOL IS? WHAT THE FUCK IS IT, AND WHY DO I NEED TO WEAR A FUCKING UNIFORM? AND WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT IN A CRAMPED AS FUCK ROOM WITH OTHER HUMANS FOR SIX HOURS OR MOR A DAY, LEARNING ABOUT SHIT THAT I DON'T NEED TO KNOW? WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE WHAT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HARD AND SOFT WATER IS? DO YOU SEE HOW MUCH IT MATTERS TO ME? NOT AT ALL. AND WHILE I'M ON THE SUBJECT, WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING BENT ON ME LIVING IN A FUCKING SHRINE WITH FOXES. WHAT THE FOX A FUCK?

ARGH! FUCK! I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK'S A FOX! DON'T FUCKING LAUGH. THE WORDS SOUND THE FUCKING SAME, SO KINDLY SHUT YOUR NOISEBOX. HEY. DON'T YOU FUCKING TURN AWAY FROM ME. I'M NOT FUCKING DONE. I STILL HAVE MORE I NEED TO DRILL YOUR SELF-PROCLAIMED-HILARIOUS-ASS ON. LIKE WHY THE FUCK I'M GOING TO BE JUMPING INTO A FUCKING TELEVISION. WHY WOULD I EVEN WANT TO DO THAT. THERE'S NOTHING IN THERE BUT WIRES AND CABLES AND SHIT. THERE WOULDN'T BE ANY POINT TO IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S A WORLD INSIDE OF THE TV? NO. I'M NOT DOING IT. FUCK YOU. YOU CAN GO INTO THE FUCKING TV IF YOU WANT THAT TO HAPPEN SO BADLY. I DON'T CARE IF I WON'T BE HUMAN INSIDE THE FUCKING TV. I'M NOT GOING TO GO ON HAPPY SUPER FUN TIME ADVENTURES INSIDE OF A FUCKING TV. I'VE HAD ENOUGH FUCKING ADVENTURES FOR A LIFETIME AND A HALF. DON'T GET YOUR PANTIES IN A BUNCH OVER THIS, OKAY? I AM NOT HERE FOR YOUR AMUSEMENT, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU INSIST THAT I AM.

I HONESTLY CANNOT DECIDE WHICH ASPECT OF THIS IS MORE INFURIATING TO ME. THE TV BULLSHIT, THE SCHOOL THING, SHRINES, BEING HUMAN--I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. BUT HEAR ME OUT, EVEN WITH YOUR PROMISE THAT I GET TO START SUMMONING A BADASS INNER-SELF OF MINE TO FIGHT FOR ME, THIS DOESN'T SETTLE WELL WITH ME WHATSOEVER. SO I THINK IT'S TIME YOU STOP SQUEALING LIKE A FUCKING PORKBEAST AND LET ME GET ON WITH MY SAD LITTLE LIFE, SINCE I'M SO OBVIOUSLY CLOSE TO FUCKING UP AND ENDING IT SOON ANYWAYS. DOES THIS PUT US ON THE SAME LEVEL OF UNDERSTANDING? YES? NO? I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIDN'T GET ANY OF THIS SHIT, BUT LET ME PUT IT INTO A SIMPLE ENOUGH PHRASE FOR YOUR TINY LITTLE MIND TO UNDERSTAND.

I'M NOT GOING.

Comments

[malignant]

WHAT'S THAT FOR?
MONEY?
I HAVE BOONBUCKS, BUT YOU'RE AN ANIMAL. I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

[yensyipyip]

[Hey. He may be a fox, but he's also an entrepreneur. He doesn't want your boonbucks, but if you were to convert those to yens, he'd be all over that. You don't want to be on his bad side Karkles, better find some yens.]

Yip! Yip! Yip!

==>Karkat: Break the 4th Wall and obtain le Yenz from Mun

[malignant]

THERE.
HAPPY?

[yensyipyip]

[The Fox nods and wags his tail. But only once, you still have a long way to go Karkles. A very long way, however if you behave this well all the time, shrine fox may just let you sleep at night.]

:3!

[malignant]

IF I CAN CONVERT THESE FUCKING BOONBUCKS I'LL GIVE YOU ALL THE FUCKING YENZ YOU WANT.

[yensyipyip]

[A tail wag. You might just have found your next best friend. In fact, if you give him more money when your mun makes you go in the television he won't charge you 1,000,000 to heal! Maybe just 25,000 though he still needs the money.]

Yip!

[malignant]

WHAT THE HELL, WHY ARE YOU STILL YIPPING?
YOU CAN'T BE HUNGRY, CAN YOU?

[yensyipyip]

[What is that book? If you give a mouse a cookie? Yup. If you give a fox a yen, then he'll want more monies. Give him more and he'll take some food. Only if you want to offer though, he doesn't want to intrude on a roomie after all.]

[malignant]

I HAVE THIS FUCKING COOKIE THAT FEFERI MADE ME IN THE SHAPE OF A CRAB.
I KIND OF FIND IT SOMEWHAT OFFENSIVE.
BUT SHE MEANT WELL.
YOU WANT SOME?

[yensyipyip]

[You're a lot cooler than that other guy! Shrine fox comes over and sits down, staring up with you as he pats at the ground with his paw. Come commune with the fox Karkles.]

:3

==>Karkat: Feed the fox.

[malignant]

SO WHAT.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME OR SOMETHING?

[yensyipyip]

[He actually doesn't understand a lot, but yens, food, and niceness. Yup. He understands those just fine. You'll do all right Karkles. In fact, now he's leaning against ya, looking up.

Thanks for the food buddy!]


:3 <3

==>Karkat: Pet the fox

[malignant]

I GUESS YOU'RE OKAY.

[yensyipyip]

[Good troll, best friend! But, you still don't get free healing in the television world.]

[malignant]

CAN I LIVE HERE IF I NEED TO? I'LL JUST NEED A SMALL CORNER.

[yensyipyip]

[Wise sir, asking permission is totally cool. Yen fox has room to spare, so take up a third of the room. He's good with the other 2/3rds.]

:|b

[malignant]

COOL.