scorched apps and potential canonmates who are also ex-boyfriends.

[unparental]

Do I really need to explain why this is an awful idea? Because I think anyone who's ever watched Logan Fell in action for a single millisecond of time already knows why I'm not thrilled with you right now.

Watch it, or I'll pull out mom-voice. I might even talk about how I'm not mad, I'm disappointed.

My point is: no. Whatever you're thinking, whatever you're idly planning, whatever it is that made you make that sound? No. It's not going to happen, ever.

Comments

[overlyemotional]

-- Wait -- no --

[ Every reaction in the book. In seconds. ]

You can walk in the daylight, too? How did I get the short end of the stick?!

[ Yes, Logan. Clearly this means Jenna has always been one. ]

Were you a vampire --

[unparental]

[ WHAT EVEN, LOGAN. ]

What? No. This is recent, thanks.

[overlyemotional]

Why are you thanking me? I didn't do it.

Not that I wouldn't have. It was definitely in my plans.

[unparental]

It's just a turn of phrase, and by the way you're doing a really amazing job making sure I want even less to do with you. Just in case you were curious about how this is going.

[overlyemotional]

But, you have to admit, it's a step up from the insulting you thing. I'm learning. And, hey, I don't -- it's not that I wanna be this way or that I wanna kill. I just - I'm hungry. And I didn't wake up with someone holding my hand and giving me the vampire rundown. Would it help if I said I probably wouldn't have been able to turn you because I didn't know how?

[unparental]

No. It makes you both someone who wanted to kill me and inept at it.

[overlyemotional]

Kill you because I loved you! [ Or, Damon said that and it makes sense. It's not as if this is some big romantic declaration. Just possibly a fact. ]

[unparental]

...Did you really just say that? Because 'as creepy as Edward Cullen' isn't actually something to works towards.

[overlyemotional]

Damon said it, first. I don't even -- all I know, is I woke up and I was hungry and I missed you and I wanted you and I wanted to bite you and see you and, and explain myself.

And make it up to you!

[unparental]

Logan, listen to yourself. You sound like a great reason to get a restraining order, not romantic.

[overlyemotional]

Okay, okay. But, the hurdle between us? Your being alive? Kind of gone, now.

[unparental]

Oh, wow, you know-- you're right. We should probably start having sex again, right now.

[overlyemotional]

Yes! We should!

[unparental]

Sarcasm, Logan. That was sarcasm.

[overlyemotional]

I was driving the point, home. Admit it. You've thought about it. Vamp sex.

[unparental]

Sure I have, I'm not going to pretend otherwise. But I've thought about having it with my boyfriend. Who, just a reminder, isn't you. I don't cheat-- not that I expect you to understand that particular moral objection.

[overlyemotional]

You're dead.

[unparental]

And I'm still not a cheater.

[overlyemotional]

But I am.

[unparental]

Not helping your case. [ brb sing-songing the delivery on that, because what is not regressing back to high school. ]

[overlyemotional]

I didn't -- I mean, you're saying that you don't cheat. But, I do.

[unparental]

That was my point, yeah.

[overlyemotional]

Ouch.

[unparental]

Truth hurts.

[overlyemotional]

I was trying to --

[ Fine. He's never outright apologized. But, he doesn't... do that. Anymore. He misses you. Ever since the funeral... ]