dear_mun | (no subject)

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canon: ms paint adventures

(no subject)

today is nic cage's birthday.
i just thought everyone ever needed to know that so they could pay their respects to a great man.
you're welcome.

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what, that's bull.
of course he cares!
and everyone else should too!
i am going to send him a birthday card.

[he's kidding!

.... maybe.]

no thats the most retarded idea ive ever heard of why would you do that
unless youre going to write something like "im sorry you existed for another miserable year so i sent you this card in hopes of consoling you"
but even that is pretty stupid
its like saying sorry for your loss when someones mom dies
it doesnt mean anything its pointless and its just stupid to even say

says the guy still wearing the ironic ben stillers shades.
also, everyone likes getting birthday cards!
it's better than getting cake.

ok first of all the shades are awesome so shut up
secondly thats bullshit because i know a guy who knew a guy that got so pissed off about getting birthday cards that he went on a fucking rampage
just grabbed a pipe and started beating pedestrians with it
no one was safe
the police questioned him about it later and he straight up said he did it because he fucking hates birthday cards and he just couldnt take it anymore
do you want nic cage to have an epic meltdown and go to jail john
do you
because i dont think your conscience can handle the weight of something like that
also youd cry like a little bitch and nobody wants to put up with that

i think i'm going to go out a limb here and say none of that is true.
also that won't happen!
nic cage will never end up in jail like some loser.
especially not over an awesome birthday card like the one i'm going to send him.
it'll be even better than the one i sent you and jade and rose and those were all pretty good.
so basically you can't stop me!
i'm making this happen!

no way its all true every last word
why would i lie to you dude im only looking out for you and your best interests and also possibly nic cages sanity but lets not go too far here
he doesnt have that much to begin with
i mean you cant really be that shitty and sane at the same time it just doesnt happen
just like this birthday card idea needs to not happen
besides you cant top the card you sent me anyway
just
dont even bother wasting the effort

how gullible do you think i am?
i'm not buying it for one second.
and he is not shitty!
you just can't appreciate his acting because something is wrong with you.
i can too just you wait!
it will be ten times better than it!

no something is wrong with YOU
fundamentally
in every possible way
you only make up for it by being hilarious
yknow like watching old 80s reruns at 4 am and everything is just funny as fuck even though its really not and you dont get the jokes anyway
but you just laugh because why the fuck not

man, fuck you!
i think you're just jealous you can't be as cool as nic cage and also that i am going to write him a better birthday letter.
that's what i think.

yep you caught me
im a lady spurned
how could you john i thought we had something special etc etc

i knew it!
don't worry dave not many people can be as attractive as nic cage.
he stole my heart.
(hehehehe)

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