dear_mun | (no subject)

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canon: ms paint adventures

(no subject)

today is nic cage's birthday.
i just thought everyone ever needed to know that so they could pay their respects to a great man.
you're welcome.

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Nah.

dude
not even nic cage cares that its nic cages birthday
youre literally the only one who gives a fuck
and thats really sad

:33 < whos nic cage :??

holy crap, i almost forgot!

lame!
you're missing out on pretty much the best birthday worth celebrating.

what, that's bull.
of course he cares!
and everyone else should too!
i am going to send him a birthday card.

[he's kidding!

.... maybe.]

a billion times cooler than troll will smith, that's who.

blasphemy!

no thats the most retarded idea ive ever heard of why would you do that
unless youre going to write something like "im sorry you existed for another miserable year so i sent you this card in hopes of consoling you"
but even that is pretty stupid
its like saying sorry for your loss when someones mom dies
it doesnt mean anything its pointless and its just stupid to even say

i know!
this is actually kind of embarrassing.

youre welcome

says the guy still wearing the ironic ben stillers shades.
also, everyone likes getting birthday cards!
it's better than getting cake.

ok first of all the shades are awesome so shut up
secondly thats bullshit because i know a guy who knew a guy that got so pissed off about getting birthday cards that he went on a fucking rampage
just grabbed a pipe and started beating pedestrians with it
no one was safe
the police questioned him about it later and he straight up said he did it because he fucking hates birthday cards and he just couldnt take it anymore
do you want nic cage to have an epic meltdown and go to jail john
do you
because i dont think your conscience can handle the weight of something like that
also youd cry like a little bitch and nobody wants to put up with that

it's ok i won't tell anyone.

aaauuuggghhh!
why?!?
you asshole!

it will be a secret kept just between us johns.
no one will ever know.

i think i'm going to go out a limb here and say none of that is true.
also that won't happen!
nic cage will never end up in jail like some loser.
especially not over an awesome birthday card like the one i'm going to send him.
it'll be even better than the one i sent you and jade and rose and those were all pretty good.
so basically you can't stop me!
i'm making this happen!

ahahahahaha
only giving my best wishes for the crappiest actor in existence

no way its all true every last word
why would i lie to you dude im only looking out for you and your best interests and also possibly nic cages sanity but lets not go too far here
he doesnt have that much to begin with
i mean you cant really be that shitty and sane at the same time it just doesnt happen
just like this birthday card idea needs to not happen
besides you cant top the card you sent me anyway
just
dont even bother wasting the effort

our own secret john club!
only those named john allowed.

you take that back!
he's the greatest and i think people should appreciate him more!

only stating it how it is
meanwhile expecting people to appreciate him is like expecting them to cut off their own limb with a butter knife
in other words not happening
nice try john

how gullible do you think i am?
i'm not buying it for one second.
and he is not shitty!
you just can't appreciate his acting because something is wrong with you.
i can too just you wait!
it will be ten times better than it!

bluh!!
you just don't have any tastes so you can't appreciate him.

no something is wrong with YOU
fundamentally
in every possible way
you only make up for it by being hilarious
yknow like watching old 80s reruns at 4 am and everything is just funny as fuck even though its really not and you dont get the jokes anyway
but you just laugh because why the fuck not

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