Voice testing after a long ass while

[eatdavesbabies]

Look at you little man, stepping right back up to plate. Congratulations are in order, but let’s push all that to the side. It’s time to get to work.

Naw. Fuck that. That’s not the line we’re starting on.

It’s time to get right fucking down to business.

Comments

[pulstrings]

[ >Dirk: greet this douchebag

Oh, fuck. And here he thought he was done with this other self business - that he'd finally gotten his reward of being done with himself once and for all once he'd ascended into his Ultimate Self.

Well, whatever, he supposes. There are worse Dirks he could have run into. This one at least knows not to wallow in worthless self-loathing.]

Define "business."

[It's a bland, seemingly non-threatening question, but behind his shades, Dirk is definitely sizing Bro up, waiting to see how he responds. The question is a silent challenge in a way; these "players" are fucking idiots who wouldn't know business if a particularly irate librarian had decided to thwack them over the head with a dictionary opened to the page containing its definition. Surely Bro isn't fool enough to think he can accomplish anything of any real worth.]

[eatdavesbabies]

[Look at this cool cool motherfucker.

Bro has to admit the setup here is better than the first Dirk impression he got. It’s not saying much, but it’s a start. Bro doesn’t have much time for whiners or tryhards. One wants to be coddled without being worth it, and one wants to impress by showing they’ve just now learned how to not piss their pants.

There isn’t much that impressed Bro, period. When the world is on a timer, and you can see the seconds ticking down, you don’t really take any wonders you might see into consideration. That dude doing a pirouette through three consecutive rings of fire isn’t hot shit when the entire downtown is an inferno.]

My business is tossing out the business to everyone every which way. Up, down, left, and when I’m feeling generous, to the right.

[pulstrings]

[Why did he ever, even for a minute, expect any other answer.

Not that it's frustrating. In a way, this is the perfect answer, and it tells him all he needs to know. This iteration of himself doesn't lay out plans in-depth like a Bond villain, stroking his broner to the thought of successfully manipulating some chucklefuck into smooching a corpse to the backdrop of a volcano's eruption. No, this him was better than such amateurish and juvenile behavior. Layers and layers of meaning-obfuscating irony; that's all that ever comes out of this man's mouth. Dirk knows that well because he is him, he's lived his experiences and thoughts, and he knows what makes this guy tick.

So. What does he do in an environment where the one being driving him - where Dave Strider - isn't present? That's what Dirk really wants to know.

He nods his head up in a gesture towards a figure neither of them have any hope of even catching a glimpse of.]

Your guy receptive to the kind of business you're givin' him?

[turntablism]

man what fucking year is it again
actually
wait
wrong question
i can technically ask what decade now
your guys sense of timings on point
in the sense that its absolutely fucking atrocious i mean lets just be honest we havent been relevant for a good while now

[eatdavesbabies]

Okay but let me ask
Considering what is in
What passes as relevant nowadays
It’s probably a good idea to be grateful we aren’t ‘relevant’

[turntablism]

aight you got me there
i kinda lost track of what was relevant after people decided endlessly posting a badly drawn image of some guy getting sucked into another guys ass was the height of humor and also the best way to own a chump
there is no goddamn artistry to the act of getting a dudes goat anymore

[eatdavesbabies]

When everyone is angry as hell you don’t really have to do much to rattle some cages. Giving them a little shake is the equivalent of throwing them into a highway.
Let’s face the facts when we’ve gotten to the point that declaring someone a cutesy shit name like a ‘soiboi’ is a decisive coup de grace to someone’s masculinity, we can tell that society is fucked. Best to get our chumpass Tyler Durden on and blow some skyscrapers down.

[turntablism]

while i can agree with pretty much everything youre saying (we had no idea the world ending asteroids were saving us from a worse fate huh)
ive gotta be real with you
tyler durden really
cmon bro fight club is like
babys first edgy DOWN WITH THE MAN film that actually says fucking nothing despite trying its damndest to seem like its got depth
its like an emo 13yo that just discovered livejournal