spoilers | reacting to the new ep from in-game

[paterelohim]

[Chuck is sitting numbly on the edge of his couch, subconsciously curled into Himself. The bottle of vodka and his eyes red from crying speak more than any words ever could. For a long time, he doesn't say anything.

He's horrified. Absolutely horrified.]

This is it. [His voice is very small.] I gotta go back.

You don't have to tell me, okay? I already know. [He gets up and starts pacing, looking dead-eyed and voice ringing with exhaustion.] I can't stay in this- this game. It's not about me or my issues anymore, it's about why the fuck I'm not- I'm not fixing it at home. The fact that I'm so far up my own ass that I let the last good son suffer even worse than death.

And for what? To prove a point about- about deserving to live? For the sake of narrative convenience, or trying to go for a world record in deadbeat dickery?

They're gonna fix the Core... and I'm gonna fix it. [Shaking his head, dragging his hands over His face.] I can't leave him there.

Comments

Couldn't not use this icon.

[magnetic_magpie]

[He debates not saying anything. Because there's nothing he can say. There were no words he can offer. No comfort, no advise. He can see how Chuck's situation parallels to his, but he at least knows Wanda gets better and the dimension doesn't implode or worse.]

Yes, we'll fix it.

[Because it's all he can offer.]

[ofthursday]

It's alright.

[He's oddly at peace with this. Death he had deserved, but to get more, to have a chance to help Sam... This is the best he could have ever wanted.]

[smartwinchester]

No, it's not.

[8(]

[integrity]

Do shut the fuck up.

[No, he's not bitter at all, why would he be.

It isn't as if he will potentially lose e v e r y t h i n g within the next coming weeks. No, not at all.]

It's embarrassing. And you have no room to pity yourself or anyone else.

Shut up.

[ofthursday]

Of course it is, Sam.

[paterelohim]

No. Fuck you.

I'm damned if I shut up, and I'm damned if I finally want to get off my ass and fix it.

So fuck you.

[paterelohim]

[With more conviction than he's said anything so far.]

No it's not. Sam's right.

[ofthursday]

Yes, it is. This is right.

[This is how it should be. He caused this damage, whether by breaking the wall or not pulling out Sam's soul in the first place, and he lived somehow so that he could fix it. And he had.]

[paterelohim]

[He shakes his head a little despairingly.]

The fact that you even think that is my fuckin' fault.

Listen, Cas, you didn't deserve that. Nobody does.

[ofthursday]

I made my own choices. That I had a chance to correct my mistakes is something few get.

[integrity]

You'll let the adults deal with the mess you've made.

[Curt and to the point.]

No one will be utilizing their powers of deus ex machina except me.

[smartwinchester]

No, it's not. None of this was your fault. It was Lucifer who destroyed my soul, not you, and you shouldn't be the one to have to deal with it.

I'm not going to let you carry my problems when you have enough of your own.

[paterelohim]

That doesn't mean you didn't get fucked over.

[P a u s e.]

That I didn't fuck you over.

[But... god. He's trying, isn't he? He's always tried. Chuck shakes himself a little, trying to make it just a little bit less ALL ABOUT HIM.]

You did good, man. Considering.

[paterelohim]

Yeah, I'm aware. Because the version of me still rotting under a bridge somewhere in your time could give a shit.

[Bitterly. He hasn't changed that much in the Port, some might argue, but it's enough that He's appalled at himself on a regular basis.]

[integrity]

Do you have any idea how unstable he currently is?

[Quietly. He's angry.]

Should you appear to him and magically take away all his ailments, just because he's your little angel -- well, God suddenly being real could very well push him over the edge.

You weren't faced with his insanity. I was.

If all of you were smart -- which you aren't -- you would let me handle him.

But no, let's call in Meg.

[ofthursday]

You did. But I've come to expect as much.

[It's said without bitterness, and the last statement is general. He's used to it by now; used to everything going wrong. That this ended this way? This is as right as it can be.]

It doesn't make up for any of it. But it is something.

[paterelohim]

Yeah, okay, keep talking like I've never dealt with a crazy person before.

I can take away his ailments without walking in and yelling HEY CAS GUESS WHAT I'M FUCKING GOD in his face.

I can't wait until someone finally kills her in the fucking face.

[ofthursday]

I can deal with Lucifer, Sam. I don't have to sleep.

Between this and death, at least this is doing some good.

[integrity]

He isn't just a crazy person, fool.

[paterelohim]

It's more than something. What you did was more than anyone else would've.

[paterelohim]

No shit.

[ofthursday]

It should never have been necessary. It's my fault it was.

[He was just trying to mitigate some of it.]

[smartwinchester]

And how are we going to fix you, Cas?

[He's so upset. Sam is the one to take the fall for people, not the other way around.]

[ofthursday]

That isn't your responsibility.

[integrity]

You don't get it.

[A wave of a hand.]

Whatever. I'll deal with it. As I always do.

Feel free to angst about it, though, seriously, it'll do me a world of good.