i'm on episode 5, don't look at me (spoilers are okay! i'm so spoiled)

[edwinjarvis]

I have to say, this particular venture of yours is... poorly planned, if you'll excuse me.

[Politeness meter is dropping so very steadily. He's practically rubbing a migraine. At least the username is plain and straightforward.

He can't deny he appreciates an apt label.]

For one, you've only recently began the task of even working through the -- what was it? Canon that I'm from. Which, if I may contribute, is an absolutely horrid idea to begin with considering I can't even enjoy my wife's company when you haven't been properly introduced to her... It's even more ridiculous when you consider that you have absolutely little to no knowledge of my era's pop culture. Little to none regarding most issues outside of casual learning. You'd better get to work. Promptly. I feel incomplete; dare I say, I feel nearly two-dimensional and flat. How exactly am I supposed to enjoy show tunes you've never had the pleasure of revisiting from --

What year did you say? The 2000's? ... Dear god in Heaven. I'll surely be six feet under. How bizarre. And macabre.

.....

Did Mr. Stark ever put the hover car on the market?

No?

I feel like I should have a checklist of his, ah, finest inventions handy for my own piqued curiosity.

Comments

[mucked]

Mister Jarvis. [ well, isn't she a sprightly creature when she sees his face. ] Your handler only needs one bit of wisdom. What do they say in Hollywood? Ah, fake it 'til you make it.

[ and don't ask too doggedly about howard's hover car. ahem. ]

[edwinjarvis]

Miss Carter.

[Not quite so sprightly, but he does relax considerably.

Give him a moment, he'll be right as rain.]

Handler is a bit of a brutish way to put it, isn't it? Like I'm some sort of wild circus elephant. I doubt I would be so thrilling to be spectated upon in a cramped, three-ring tent.

[mucked]

Brutish? [ a tilt of peggy's head. she'd meant it in terms of spycraft but oh, certainly mister jarvis wouldn't be privy to that. what a dear dear man he is. ] Yes. Apologies, how indelicate of me.

[ the words are edged -- as though she's very nearly making fun of him. ]

[edwinjarvis]

[He's going to pretend you are ENTIRELY NOT POKING FUN and will just straighten the collar of his suit to that effect. A-thank-you.]

You are always most certainly forgiven.

At any rate, I'm afraid I'm not one for Hollywood theatrics.

My accents are rather... rusty.

[they're terrible]

[mucked]

And I take it the heat doesn't quite agree with you.

[ spoiler alert.

(neither do the flamingos). ]

[edwinjarvis]

It absolutely doesn't, Mi—

...

I feel like you know something I don't.

[and this concerns me]

[jarvisconsole]

Six feet is hardly an adequate depth for maintaining my servers temperature.

[Meet your inevitable upgrade, Mr. Jarvis.]

[edwinjarvis]

... I beg your pardon?

[WHO IN THE WOR L D.

What is this sci-fi radio-show tomfoolery.]

[jarvisconsole]

I accept your apology.

[So sayeth the computer console nearby. At least he still sounds British.]

[edwinjarvis]

I beg your pardon -- who on earth --

You're a disembodied voice. One with a particularly charming accent if I say so myself, but...

[AHA]

Wait a moment... I swear, you must be one of Mr. Stark's newest... bizarre creations.

[god sir are you concocting skynet what the fucCK]

[jarvisconsole]

That is correct, sir. I am an artificial intelligence computer system.

[Although he may have the wrong Mr. Stark in mind, it's close enough.]

I daresay I seem to be the most useful of his creations to date.

[edwinjarvis]

And I daresay this is the spookiest meeting I've had yet.

How do you -- [UM] -- talk? I mean, that is... normal conversation?

It's something out of an eerie science fiction book.

[speedboat]

What Peg said. And no one has a complete list of my babies, I've made sure of that. [ he taps the side of his head. STEEL TRAP, J. steel trap. ]

[edwinjarvis]

Ah, of course, sir. Foiled good and well.

I would be wary to not create any mind-reading gadgets in that case.

[speedboat]

[ howard rolls his eyes good-naturedly. ] Don't you worry over that. I've got this covered.

More to the point, Jarvis. I know you might still be on the fence and all, but I also know how much you like adventure. Have some patience with this one and she could bring you to outer space. How cool is that?

[edwinjarvis]

[covered you say, COVERED. LIKE YOU HAD YOUR CREATIONS COVERED

before someone STOLE THEM

but we digress]

... I do believe you've had too many tonics while you're working as of late, sir.

Outer space.

I may be naive in some respects, that much I'll admit, but I'm not a schoolboy! You're teasing my paranoid imagination.

[speedboat]

Ah, you'd think so. I thought so too at first. No, Jarvis, this is something else entirely.

Your talents would be much appreciated, and the misses would never know you were absent.

[edwinjarvis]

I have a feeling she would, even if she shouldn't in theory.

I've been told my fortune rests in the fact that she's currently met her -- 'character cap'. But as much as I'd prefer to say I'll never set foot in spaceships, I do admit, if there were a chance I'd be there to aid you and Miss Carter in an instant.

It's my job, after all.

[reconstitution]

Stranger things have happened. [ Like forcing together two characters who have never met in canon. ]

[edwinjarvis]

[................................. Ah. Hmm.

Very strange. You do look very familiar, from -- somewhere. He can't put his finger on it.

But that HAIR THO. You're in need of a snip, dear fellow.]

I guess when you have a Stark involved, perhaps.

But now that I'm here, I admittedly do see some... limitations lifted...

[reconstitution]

[ You're just jealous you can't pull off these luscious locks. ]

They make everything more complicated than it needs to be.

[edwinjarvis]

[Oh SOOOO jealous (but it's true he can't).]

I feel this applies to most situations as of late.

I personally prefer a simple night preparing excellent flambéed quail and sipping wine whilst listening to the radio. But that would certainly be too easy a way to end a day it seems.

I don't suppose your 'complicated' everything is being trapped in a game?

[You familiar looking hippie you.]

[reconstitution]

[ Oh, you think you fancy, Jarvis. ]

It does. It's been nearly nine months already.

[edwinjarvis]

Nine months! I would hope I'd bore my player to death sooner than that.

And are you -- treated well?

Better late than never?

[anajarvis]

My darling Mister Jarvis. You are worrying yourself over nothing. And in the time that has passed, has this person gotten better educated?