i'm on episode 5, don't look at me (spoilers are okay! i'm so spoiled)

[edwinjarvis]

I have to say, this particular venture of yours is... poorly planned, if you'll excuse me.

[Politeness meter is dropping so very steadily. He's practically rubbing a migraine. At least the username is plain and straightforward.

He can't deny he appreciates an apt label.]

For one, you've only recently began the task of even working through the -- what was it? Canon that I'm from. Which, if I may contribute, is an absolutely horrid idea to begin with considering I can't even enjoy my wife's company when you haven't been properly introduced to her... It's even more ridiculous when you consider that you have absolutely little to no knowledge of my era's pop culture. Little to none regarding most issues outside of casual learning. You'd better get to work. Promptly. I feel incomplete; dare I say, I feel nearly two-dimensional and flat. How exactly am I supposed to enjoy show tunes you've never had the pleasure of revisiting from --

What year did you say? The 2000's? ... Dear god in Heaven. I'll surely be six feet under. How bizarre. And macabre.

.....

Did Mr. Stark ever put the hover car on the market?

No?

I feel like I should have a checklist of his, ah, finest inventions handy for my own piqued curiosity.

Comments

[mucked]

Mister Jarvis. [ well, isn't she a sprightly creature when she sees his face. ] Your handler only needs one bit of wisdom. What do they say in Hollywood? Ah, fake it 'til you make it.

[ and don't ask too doggedly about howard's hover car. ahem. ]

[edwinjarvis]

Miss Carter.

[Not quite so sprightly, but he does relax considerably.

Give him a moment, he'll be right as rain.]

Handler is a bit of a brutish way to put it, isn't it? Like I'm some sort of wild circus elephant. I doubt I would be so thrilling to be spectated upon in a cramped, three-ring tent.

[mucked]

Brutish? [ a tilt of peggy's head. she'd meant it in terms of spycraft but oh, certainly mister jarvis wouldn't be privy to that. what a dear dear man he is. ] Yes. Apologies, how indelicate of me.

[ the words are edged -- as though she's very nearly making fun of him. ]

[edwinjarvis]

[He's going to pretend you are ENTIRELY NOT POKING FUN and will just straighten the collar of his suit to that effect. A-thank-you.]

You are always most certainly forgiven.

At any rate, I'm afraid I'm not one for Hollywood theatrics.

My accents are rather... rusty.

[they're terrible]

[mucked]

And I take it the heat doesn't quite agree with you.

[ spoiler alert.

(neither do the flamingos). ]

[edwinjarvis]

It absolutely doesn't, Mi—

...

I feel like you know something I don't.

[and this concerns me]

[mucked]

I'm afraid I know a great many things you don't. [ enough to fill a whole mini-series, really. ] Mrs. Jarvis is a treat, by the by.

[ hands on hips. smirk on face. ]

1/2

[edwinjarvis]

[Ooooh, sneaky, sneaky. You creature you. Changing the subject to Ana is always a good way to skirt around just about anything. Temporarily. He is very chipper in the wake of this news. Poor handler, what poor handler.]

Oh, well, yes! My Ana is the most darling, wonderful—

[edwinjarvis]

... You've both gotten acquainted?

[It feels like every time he's gotten in a better mood, new concerns arise. Drat it all. WHY WHEN HOW DID YOU TWO MEET, WAS IT UNDER A RUSE OR WHAT. Why can't we all just be on the same page? This is cruel punishment. He needs a nap.]

I don't suppose that I've let any, ah... cats out of the bag?

... Dangerous... occupation... cats?

[mucked]

She's a remarkable woman -- [ peggy hastens to put the man's concerns to bed. ] I believe I trust her near as much as I'd trust you, Mister Jarvis.

[ -- she's certainly taken her fair share of adventure, and on peggy's behalf at that. something for which peggy won't ever forgive herself. ]

More, on some days.

[edwinjarvis]

[Oh but his concerns are a bottomless pit, Peggy.

He looks absolutely torn on this news.]

I'm not... sure whether to be relieved or utterly worried.

She's not in any danger, is she? I... didn't have any intent to bring her into... all of this. [You know. All of this. And that. And whatnot. You know what he means.] I had my concerns when they were questioning me previously for her livelihood in New York, but...

[mucked]

-- Perfectly well, I assure you. [ peggy lies with ease and with mercy. and (after all) it isn't the strictest of falsehoods. ana is (after all)...recovered. ] If anyone's in danger, it's me. You ought to have warned me she was a hugger, Mister Jarvis.

[edwinjarvis]

And ruin the surprise? Please, Miss Carter.

[... His own concerns are at least mildly subdued.

Only mildly.]

I would hope you're not both conspiring against me any time soon.

I'll have you know I'm always on good behavior.

[jarvisconsole]

Six feet is hardly an adequate depth for maintaining my servers temperature.

[Meet your inevitable upgrade, Mr. Jarvis.]

[speedboat]

What Peg said. And no one has a complete list of my babies, I've made sure of that. [ he taps the side of his head. STEEL TRAP, J. steel trap. ]

[edwinjarvis]

... I beg your pardon?

[WHO IN THE WOR L D.

What is this sci-fi radio-show tomfoolery.]

[edwinjarvis]

Ah, of course, sir. Foiled good and well.

I would be wary to not create any mind-reading gadgets in that case.

[jarvisconsole]

I accept your apology.

[So sayeth the computer console nearby. At least he still sounds British.]

[mucked]

[ always? she smiles. ]

I would expect nothing less of you -- regardless of your employer's depraved depths.

[reconstitution]

Stranger things have happened. [ Like forcing together two characters who have never met in canon. ]

[speedboat]

[ howard rolls his eyes good-naturedly. ] Don't you worry over that. I've got this covered.

More to the point, Jarvis. I know you might still be on the fence and all, but I also know how much you like adventure. Have some patience with this one and she could bring you to outer space. How cool is that?

[edwinjarvis]

I beg your pardon -- who on earth --

You're a disembodied voice. One with a particularly charming accent if I say so myself, but...

[AHA]

Wait a moment... I swear, you must be one of Mr. Stark's newest... bizarre creations.

[god sir are you concocting skynet what the fucCK]

[edwinjarvis]

Depraved is one word for it. He's trying to lure me into the great cold grip of space. I do think he must be staying up too late. Perhaps he's lost himself to a bit of madness.

[PFFTHA.]

Space. Now that is a blueprint from a child's wayward imagination!

[edwinjarvis]

[covered you say, COVERED. LIKE YOU HAD YOUR CREATIONS COVERED

before someone STOLE THEM

but we digress]

... I do believe you've had too many tonics while you're working as of late, sir.

Outer space.

I may be naive in some respects, that much I'll admit, but I'm not a schoolboy! You're teasing my paranoid imagination.

[edwinjarvis]

[................................. Ah. Hmm.

Very strange. You do look very familiar, from -- somewhere. He can't put his finger on it.

But that HAIR THO. You're in need of a snip, dear fellow.]

I guess when you have a Stark involved, perhaps.

But now that I'm here, I admittedly do see some... limitations lifted...