dear_mun | AU!Kylo is... conflicted.

Well, yes. I had anticipated a lot of strange things to come out of our barely-working relationship, but I really hadn't expected you to use 'the power of love' to get me my connection to the Force back. Or to marry me off. This is why you shouldn't mix marathoning Disney movies and RPing, I suppose.

Not - not that I'm objecting. I can't fathom anything better that could happen to me, actually, even if I'm sure Master Skywalker is going to have... objections. [Ben's not looking forward to that particular conversation.] I just - I know you barely ever listen to me but please don't give me children or anything of that ilk. I really don't know what your fascination there is, but I have no idea how to be a father. I have a list of things not to do as learned over the years from Master Skywalker and Snoke, and a list like that is functionally worthless since I can hardly reverse engineer that into a list of things to do.

Also, in case had escaped your notice, the galaxy is at war at the moment. [He's inherited both his parent's snark, it seems.] Talk of the future is a bit premature.

...and I like Soyol best off of that ridiculous baby name list of yours.

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Then he should actually do better. I've tried to talk to him here, but it's rather difficult for me to feel any anger for him when I remember what I'm guilty of.

[He lets her mind connect to his easily, without hesitation. There are vague images, clips of memories - Bastila pregnant and uncertain about the future but also madly in love with the child they had created before he was born, curled up with her hands on her abdomen, listening in on the baby's thoughts through the Force. A blurrier image of the Council bickering, their surprise Vaner had not an ounce of Force-sensitivity to his name. Then a faded memory, an image of a hologram; Vaner as a young man, giving a speech, something political and complicated but with his eyes shining with passion, with conviction.

Even though she wasn't seeking memories, they bleed over before Ben clamps down on them, hard. He wrapped his arms tighter around her, trying to ground her.]

I don't know how we did it. History only recorded that there was a child, no further information, no gender or name or other details. But we did it, Rey. Somehow he even managed to find his own way, his own career, without the Force to guide him. However it happened, I haven't had any memories that indicate it went badly.

[The image of the Vaner on the hologram, eager and well spoken, was hard to shake. He had much of Revan's appearance, but his mother's nose, her thick eyelashes. He was theirs. They had, somehow, made such a life come into the galaxy.]

It's different talking face to face versus a comm, Ben. You two have a lot to work out, but he's trying. The man was willing to risk his life to bring you back, I think that shows how far he's willing to go for you.

[Maybe they needed a mediator between the two of them, or a long counseling session. Or maybe Rey should mind her own business about it. There were somethings not even she could fix, but she hoped for Ben's sake he's able to repair the relationship he has with Han. The man didn't see half bad really, but he wasn't her father, only a father-figure.

What Rey was seeking in Ben's mind, she's overwhelmed with more memories than what's come to her. It feels like she's having her first Force Vision again. Able to see, feel, and witness certain events. How she feels drawn into those moments, to watch them unfold and feel like she's part of it. She could feel the joy, excitement, and anxiousness that came with being a new mother. The love she felt for their unborn child, and a swelling of pride viewing the hologram image of their son. When Ben manages to put a stop to those memories, Rey feels weak in her knees. The visions, the memories, they always left her raw, like every emotion and nerve were exposed.]

We created a life...we did fine. [Her voice is shaky, trying to compose herself while withdrawing her mind from his. They could handle being parents again...right? They did it before, but this is a different time, a different galaxy than when they first had their son.] We did it...we did fine, then. [She murmurs the words again, reassuring herself the vision, the memories were true.] I felt his heart beating, Ben. I felt how tiny he was. [The weight of their newborn son in her arms, how small and precious he was.] I'm not ready to be a mother now, but...it's comforting to know we were able to do it before.

[But now? They weren't ready, and who knows if or when they would be.]

I'm trying, too. And he's finding all the old excuses and reasons to be busy. Apparently bringing me back and being with me are seperate objectives entirely.

[Some of the old Kylo Ren coldness dripped back into his voice, there. He was so damn tired of watching his old man climb aboard the Falcon and leave everything and everyone who cared behind. There was a limit on how many times Ben could take that and they'd already well exceeded it.

Bitter irony that in their discussion of one less than perfect set of parents, their minds ended up being drawn to their own attempts. They were small, fragmented memories, tiny and hard to grasp ahold of, but he had wrangled them forward to forefront of his mind after recalling history said there had been a child.

A child who, looking at that hologram, had grown into his own man, sure-footed politically, verbally sharp as a blade and alive like a flame. Vaner had no need of Force powers, not for the life he'd chosen. He was their creation, yet also wholly his own entity. While Ben had grown up with the legacy of his family shoved onto him, Vaner had grown up to forge a path separate from his family's, yet there was no memory he had of any anger, any resentment.]

We did. [He planted an affectionate kiss on top of her head.] And I think, in spite of the chaos of the era, he was happy. There is hope for us yet, Rey.

Maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you? The only way you'll find out is if you two sit down and talk.

[Maybe Han feels so much guilt over leaving him constantly? Maybe there was more to the man than Ben knew. Either way, they need to sit down and have that talk. Maybe it's something to talk to General Organa about. The two Solo men need to have a talk before they drift further apart.

Rey withdraws into herself, for a moment, taking comfort in Ben's presence while trying to ignore the fragments of emotions and memories tied to Vaner. For a woman who grew up with nothing, finding out about a past life that included a family, it was a lot to take in so quickly. It was thrust upon her, and she can't help but wonder if they really did right by their child. If they were able to raise him from a child to an adult without leaving him behind somewhere.]

...you really want a family with me, don't you. [She whispered with a half smile on her face.] This is the most we've talked about our future--one that doesn't involve what happens if who gets shot at first. [A bit of humor, trying to make light of a conversation that had a lot to do with their past lives.]

Neither of us is getting shot, Rey, [he told her firmly, mostly to try to convince himself, because he couldn't bear the thought of that right now.] We're going to end this war, and then... well, then we have a life ahead of us to live. Together, with or without kids. You're already so much more to me than just someone I'm romantically involved with. You brought me back to the Light Side. If you can pull off that kind of miracle, defeating the First Order is hardly that much more unlikely.

There's a whole galaxy out there for us to explore, to see, and someday to settle down in. I don't care where we go or what we do. I just need you to be with me.

[Rey couldn't help but roll her eyes at him. Okay, he couldn't take that kind of a joke. However...he still looked when he was being firm with her.]

..I wouldn't call it a miracle, just...a lot of hard work. [She's being more than modest then, a bit bashful, because praise is still, exciting, and weird to her. It wasn't so much a miracle to get him to come back to the Light side, but...love certainly had a hand in it. Regardless, they were going to have a life together; with or without children, or traveling the galaxy until old age.

Rey tilted her head up to look at him and placed a kiss to his cheek.] I'll be with you. Told you, I'm not letting you go, Ben/

AU!Kylo is... conflicted.

If only I could find the icons for it...

....that's when PBs come in handy...>>

You have no idea how much time I've now spent looking for PBs for Vaner...

....13 hours? IDK I'm just guessing

Still looking. Plotting. Searching.

GOOD! I wanna know more. :)