voicetesting

[takentonascar]

Uh, do you even know how many years behind you are? I mean, holmes, you really missed the bandwagon on this one. Like, you missed it by so much, I'm not even sure you must've been sentient for the whole freakin' invasion. It's 2015. Get with the times. The war's old news.

You know what's good, modern news? It's this: the fuckin' '90s are back, baby! Woo! Fuckin' Jurassic World all up in here, Star Wars, Ghostbusters! I mean, can you believe it? Kids the world over are gonna be growin' up scared of motherfucking dinosaurs all over again, and they're gonna be jerking it to some quality space bikinis. And there are going to be space bikinis. Makes me almost wanna' cry. God bless America.

So, uh, yeah. Go enjoy the revival. Loads better than gawkin' at marines, ain't it? Unless the idea is to get me involved in some Jurassic Park or Star Wars shit, and then I'm in. So in. Ooh, baby. Couldn't stop me even if you tried.

Comments

[shelbycobra]

My co-worker got to drive a Jurassic World themed car once. I almost stole it, that's how awesome it looked.

[takentonascar]

What? Get outta' here, that's fuckin' cool! You mean like one of them humvees, right? With the logo printed all over it and shit? Man, can you even imagine driving that all over town? Everyone'd flip the fuck out! Get some strange with that.

... wait. Are you a girl who likes Jurassic Park?

[shelbycobra]

It was a race car, actually...and yeah, why? [Shelby's expecting another one of the many 'you can't do that because you're a girl' speeches. She gets a lot of those.]

[takentonascar]

[ It's something like that, really. ]

Why? 'cos that's cool is why. It's like every little boy's wet dream, you know?

You like Star Wars, too?

[shelbycobra]

I never really got into that. My real love as a kid was cars. Still is.

[takentonascar]

Cars.

Do you want to pinch me? I think I need to be pinched. You don't have to pinch me -- I can probably do it myself, but I wouldn't say no to some pinching.

[shelbycobra]

[Jokingly pinches him. Maybe a little harder than necessary because Shelby's got a pretty firm hand.]

What can I say? I'm a woman who knows what she likes.

[takentonascar]

Ow! [ It's hard and kind of hurts, but he's also playing it up a little in good nature. ] Yep, I'm still here, and you're still there. Now that's a good kinda' burn.

Alright, so, Jurassic Park? Check. Cars? Check. Go on, I am all adoring ears. What else does this mystical woman like?

[shelbycobra]

Very funny. [She's amused.] Most of my life is spent around my car. Takes a lot of time, but I love her.

Oh, though I do seem to have a thing for men with European accents. I don't know where that came from. And beer. Not together obviously.

[takentonascar]

[ Oh. Oh, no. The part about the beer? Totally fine. Excellent, really. But men with European accents? Come on. ]

Uh, I can do a pretty good German accent, if that's what floats your boat. Wanna hear? Or... French?

[shelbycobra]

[Laughs.]

My old strategist was Irish. And I've met a couple of amazing British guys around here.

But that's not to say we Americans don't have our charms. My strategist now can be charming...every third Tuesday. When he feels like it. And he calls a hell of a race.

[takentonascar]

Okay, two clarifications:

One, are you telling me you're a driver? And two, are you banging your European-accented strategist? Just for reference.

[shelbycobra]

[Being the smartass that she is, Shelby will just smile and extend a hand.]

Shelby Manning, nice to meet you. [As in, 'reigning Indianapolis 500 winner and current Verizon IndyCar Series points leader' Shelby Manning.] And no. I never slept with Peter.

[takentonascar]

[ Uhh. Uhhh. Is this real life? Is this, like, a prank show? He's on a prank show, right? Because those are things that happen now in this day and age. He's aware of that, even if he's been on and off deployment for what feels like for-fucking-ever. ]

Are you being serious right now? [ He takes her hand kind of hesitantly, squinting at her. ]

[shelbycobra]

Do I not look serious? [It's okay. She sometimes still has to be reminded of everything that's happened to her over the last few months. She honestly forgets the bigger picture half the time unless someone else reminds her about it. All she wants to do is drive, and drive well.]

But no. Never slept with Peter. He was like my bigger, smarter brother.

[takentonascar]

[ Say wha? Oh, right. The sleeping thing. He had forgotten that he had asked about that. ]

Well, you know, that's totally okay in some areas of the country. Incest, that is. [ Uh, wait, he's speaking to a lady, not a marine. Got to work on those filters. ] Not that I'm saying you would do something like that.

Do you do autographs? Selfies? I'm going to be the belle of the ball when all the guys hear about this. Suckers. Wait, do you do dinners?

[shelbycobra]

[Cringing a little at the incest comment, but she's heard worse.]

I'm happy to take a picture if you want. As for dinner, I do have to fly to Iowa tomorrow, but I suppose I can have a drink or two tonight. I can sleep on the plane.

[takentonascar]

Sleep on the plane. I'm liking the sound of that!

[shelbycobra]

...What, that I'm catching a flight to Iowa?

[takentonascar]

Whaaa? Wait, not that bit. The bit where you're foregoing sleep, you know, for drinks? ... Uhh, I haven't spoken to a girl in a while. Hardened warrior thing kinda' gets to your brain, fucks up your faculties...

So. Photo?

Am I blowing it?

[shelbycobra]

I've heard a lot worse, trust me.

I don't think you ever gave me your name, though.

[takentonascar]

Oh. Oh. Well, that I can do. No European accent, but names.

[ He holds out a hand. ]

Josh Ray Person. Generally I just get called Ray.

[shelbycobra]

Nice to meet you, Josh.

[Shakes his hand with a smile.]

Why don't we go get that drink? I do need to be getting some sleep eventually.

[takentonascar]

[ He grins back at her. ]

You are, like, just the nicest girl, you know? That drives.

So hell yeah, let's go get that drink.

[shelbycobra]

I'm only nice when you're not competing against me.

[Shelby can admit that; when it's race weekend she takes things very seriously and can get irrationally competitive. But this is not that, not yet anyway. She nods toward the bar.]

Anything else you wanted to ask?