voicetesting

[takentonascar]

Uh, do you even know how many years behind you are? I mean, holmes, you really missed the bandwagon on this one. Like, you missed it by so much, I'm not even sure you must've been sentient for the whole freakin' invasion. It's 2015. Get with the times. The war's old news.

You know what's good, modern news? It's this: the fuckin' '90s are back, baby! Woo! Fuckin' Jurassic World all up in here, Star Wars, Ghostbusters! I mean, can you believe it? Kids the world over are gonna be growin' up scared of motherfucking dinosaurs all over again, and they're gonna be jerking it to some quality space bikinis. And there are going to be space bikinis. Makes me almost wanna' cry. God bless America.

So, uh, yeah. Go enjoy the revival. Loads better than gawkin' at marines, ain't it? Unless the idea is to get me involved in some Jurassic Park or Star Wars shit, and then I'm in. So in. Ooh, baby. Couldn't stop me even if you tried.

Comments

[shelbycobra]

My co-worker got to drive a Jurassic World themed car once. I almost stole it, that's how awesome it looked.

[takentonascar]

What? Get outta' here, that's fuckin' cool! You mean like one of them humvees, right? With the logo printed all over it and shit? Man, can you even imagine driving that all over town? Everyone'd flip the fuck out! Get some strange with that.

... wait. Are you a girl who likes Jurassic Park?

[shelbycobra]

It was a race car, actually...and yeah, why? [Shelby's expecting another one of the many 'you can't do that because you're a girl' speeches. She gets a lot of those.]

[takentonascar]

[ It's something like that, really. ]

Why? 'cos that's cool is why. It's like every little boy's wet dream, you know?

You like Star Wars, too?

[shelbycobra]

I never really got into that. My real love as a kid was cars. Still is.

[takentonascar]

Cars.

Do you want to pinch me? I think I need to be pinched. You don't have to pinch me -- I can probably do it myself, but I wouldn't say no to some pinching.

[shelbycobra]

[Jokingly pinches him. Maybe a little harder than necessary because Shelby's got a pretty firm hand.]

What can I say? I'm a woman who knows what she likes.

[dandyelegance]

The 90s were a very interesting time, young man. But it pains me to inform you that these "space bikinis" never came to fruition.

[takentonascar]

You're saying that with a lot of authority.

Are you from space?

[dandyelegance]

I am not from this world, per se. However, I'm not from space, either. I've simply been around for a very long time.

[takentonascar]

Uh huh. Long enough to see the age of space bikinis rise and fall. Or rather, never even rise at all, I guess.

Well, that sucks a big fat one. What's a guy supposed to look forward to now?

[dandyelegance]

There are still many things to look forward to, young man. The vast advances we've made in magic, for one.

[takentonascar]

...

If by magic you mean drugs, because I feel like those would be essential to this advance you're going on about.

But okay, I'll bite. What can we do? Can the magic create space bikinis? Can it make girls wear them? Can it make me wear them?

[whittling]

Shit, the 90's sound golden. I skipped out in 1987 to save the world, almost makes me regret it. What's this Jurassic Park thing?

[takentonascar]

Skipped out in 1987? Not. Gonna. Ask.

Instead, Jurassic Park. Hoo boy. Imagine a theme park. The coolest fuckin' theme park you've ever been in, like some kind of theme park utopia or some shit, and then imagine dinosaurs. Imagine the holiest marriage of the two, and then add yourself into it as a weak-ass under 10 child, pissing yourself at the Tyrannosaurus rex. One holy trinity.

That's Jurassic Park.

By the way, I didn't piss myself. I just wanted to a few times.

[whittling]

If we're talking the real deal then fuck yeah, that sounds incredible. If you mean you nearly pissed yourself over animatronics , then... you know what? I won't judge.

[takentonascar]

Uh, excuse me, what did you piss yourself over when you were, like, five?

[whittling]

I didn't piss myself.

[takentonascar]

Okay. Ha-ha. Real tough guy, here.

Come on, when you were five. Every five-year-old child pisses themselves! Four? Three? Two?

[cassiefuckingcage]

Speaking of shit from the 90s coming back with better effects and better-looking heroes...hi, I'm Cassie.

[takentonascar]

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

You're who?

Did I play with your mom? Is this what's happening here?

[cassiefuckingcage]

You might want to consider phrasing that differently.

[takentonascar]

Did I play with... your dad?

[cassiefuckingcage]

Well played, smartass. [She can't front - that's exactly what she would have said.]

Yeah, you did. And now I'm here wreckin' fools in 2015. Ask around, I'm the fuckin' best.

[takentonascar]

I'd like to note for the record that I'm not a fool, although I've been accused of being one on more than one occasion.

So what I'm saying is, please don't rip out my spine.

But also, your dad was fuckin' sweet.