voice testing; spoilers for anything Spider-Verse, Spider-Gwen, or Secret Wars related maybe;

[iseespiderpigs]

Look. Dude. Chill. The icons are nice and everything but I--

[. . . pot, kettle . . .]

Oh no - don't tell me to chill. I've seen the kind of crap you've put the others in here through, and I'm just fine and dandy sitting that out. I've had enough to deal with the last few months without trying to devise some other way to send me off on some new and exciting ways to nearly get killed on another interdimensional "adventure."

[Oh come on, it's fun when you win, right?]

After watching other Spider-People get wrecked left and right, while half the rest of them give me the squinty eyes 'cause another "me" got chucked off a bridge by some green elf that throws pumpkins. Sure. Loads of fun.

[Okay, I'll admit that's a pretty weak argument--]

You can't wanna send me anywhere at this point, right?

Because who the hell knows what I'm gonna be in a few months once they're finished rewriting reality. Everyone's reality. I don't think I was in anyone's plans--

[You talk like that, people'll think you want to just disappear or something.]

...hn.

Comments

[fastest_thingalive]

Please. Puns are the lowest form of comedy. Except when you're trying to be annoying, in which case they're hilarious.

[iseespiderpigs]

Well, he is kind of annoying. Sometimes.

[fastest_thingalive]

Who, Spider-Ham? I guess that's like you, only a pig, then?

[iseespiderpigs]

And a guy.

His name is Peter Porker.

[Completely serious, straight faced.]

[fastest_thingalive]

Reminds me of a guy I knew once. In another lifetime.

His name was Hamlin.

I hear another me knows a guy called Porker Lewis.

1/2

[iseespiderpigs]

[...what has become of her life when this is normal...]

2/2

[iseespiderpigs]

At a certain point I'm sort of praying this is a hallucination, I hope you realize.

[fastest_thingalive]

In that case, I'll get it all out of the way right now.

My best friend's name is Miles Prower.

My archenemy calls himself Dr. Eggman. His real name is Ivo Robotnik. Guess what he builds?

I have a friend named Knuckles. Guess where he has spikes on his hands?

My teammate is a cyborg. Her name is Bunnie Rabbot.

I've got a doppelganger named Shadow and another guy who looks kinda like me named Silver. I bet you can guess what colors they are.

Oh, and I know a girl named Cream and her pet, Cheese.

[iseespiderpigs]

Well, would you look at the time.

It's "I Hate Everything O'Clock."

[fastest_thingalive]

The funny thing is, it all feels so normal looking at it from the inside.

[iseespiderpigs]

...I'm sure it does.

[fastest_thingalive]

Oh come on, I'm sure you've got your own share of memorably named characters. You from one of those universes where every other person's name has alliteration?