dear_mun | On being bound for Adstringendum

Entry tags:

game: adstringendum

On being bound for Adstringendum

M-mundane?

I'm... very grateful you want me to be with Yuui so much. I... I didn't mind dying when it was for him, but... I would've liked to spend more time with him. And... hugs. I want him to hug me.

But, um. It's going to be hard for me. I hope that won't make you angry, but... It's going to be strange, that he is grownup and I'm... like this. And there will be people. Other people. There has only been him and me and we were all that mattered and... I don't know what I think about having other people around.

I'm scared.

But if you don't mind that, then... please. I want to go to him now.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He regards the face of his twin solemnly, that face that should be like his, and it is, but... it also isn't. It's not only that it's the face of a grownup, but it's marked with things that has never touched his own face. More guilt, more self-loathing, but other things too. There are fine lines at the corners of his eyes, and instinctively he knows these aren't there from crying. They are something else, something softer and nicer, and for a short, horrible moment his soul blackens at the very idea of Yuui having felt this without him, before he pushes it away. No. This is the reason he made sure Yuui was saved. He wanted him to be happy.

There is something unheard in the words Yuui doesn't speak this time too, and the need to make better, to help, is there again.]

I'll learn how to protect people. How to help people. And then, when bad things happen, I can do something about it.

[He accepts Yuui's decision with a small twist of his mouth - they have the same power, but he wouldn't even know how to go about killing someone.] Okay. B-but... I'll be with you, right? I need to see he's gone. I need to know he can never hurt us again. Please?

[There had been a time when he had truly thought he would never be able to feel anything again. Had been a time when he couldn't possibly imagine ever being able to smile or feel happy at all without his twin at his side. Half of his heart and half of his soul had died that day in the valley, and it had taken his happiness and security and warmth and strength with it. But he had slowly began to rebuild it, slowly realize that it was okay to smile and be happy sometimes, because he was living for both of them. He was living until the day he was able to see his twin's life restored to him. Until he could return the life he had stolen to it's rightful owner.

He wasn't sure he would know how to deal with those emotions. He had lived for most of his life being alone. But things were different when they were together. There was no accepting just one of them.]

I'll teach you. You can be my student. [Just like he had been for Ashura.] And perhaps Willow-chan could help teach you as well. And Kuro-ri-- [Fai, he has no idea who that is, do you really want him to think the wrong thing from the very beginning?] --Kurogane can teach you how to fight with more than magic.

[There's the very small start of a smile tugging at this lips at the easy acceptance, at the show of utter trust that existed between them.] You've already seen too much, Fai. You don't need to see that too. [His fingers brush over his twins cheek as he lowers his hands, finally pushing himself to his feet.] He will never hurt us again.

[At the promise of training, of learning from his twin so that he can one day protect him, his posture relaxes a bit, and there is a microscopic tug at the corner of his mouth. The idea of other people being involved is worrying, but if they've been around Yuui, maybe they won't hate him.]

I'd like that. [A small frown.] Is a Kuro-ri the same thing as a Kurogane?

[And that last statement earns his twin something that comes very close to a petulant glare. After all, the tower and the pit and the corpses isn't nearly as far into his past as is in Yuui's.] It won't scare me. And he killed me, kind of, so I think I should get to be there.

[He would teach the other everything he knew. He only truly wanted Willow's help in the hope that his twin wouldn't be afflicted in the same ways he was. That maybe he would be able to learn healing or restorative magic the way he hadn't been able to.

... Shit. Someone needs to teach him to stop teaching impressionable bittie's to use ridiculous nicknames.] Kuro-rin is a nickname I use for Kurogane. But I'm afraid he doesn't like it very much when I do.

[No matter how long ago or how far away it might have been, those images and scenes were seared into his memory forever. They haunted him, stalked his dreams as well as his waking thoughts. And while he was more than willing to add to them for his twin, for the person who was most precious to him, he was willing to add to that person's.] You're very brave. [So much braver than he was.] We'll see what happens when the time comes.

[He was starting to feel more secure now, more safe. Maybe they were still cursed, but if Yuui trained him in using his magic, they could protect everyone, and no one would have to be hurt.]

Oh. [Pause to think, then:] What's a nickname? [This was important to know to figure out what this Kurogane-person was supposed to be.]

[He grabbed on to Yuui's hand, holding it hard.] Good. [He'd never had to suffer as much as Yuui, hadn't witnessed the destruction of Valeria like he had, but... he still knew he could take it. Some monsters you had to see defeated to keep them out of your dreams.] And if you're not feeling brave, sometime, I'll be there with you. So you don't need to worry. And you'll be there for me.

[Everyone who was allowed to get close to him got hurt. But maybe, if he had his twin by his side, they truly would be able to protect everyone they cared about. No one would have to suffer due to their involvement with him. He wouldn't have to be alone, simply to save them from pain.]

Well, a nickname is something you give to someone you really like that you use in place of their proper name. [It felt weird, knowing these things when his twin didn't.] Like... Kuro-poo always calls me "mage" which would make you "mini-mage". [There was a soft smile as he said it.] That would be your nickname. [Have fun with that, bitty. He's been trying to figure that out for a long time.

His hand grips his twins, shifting it slightly to interlace their fingers.] Can you do something for me, Fai? Smile. I feel much braver when you smile.

[He was sure there had to be a way for them to help people, to make sure that people would not have to suffer for them as Valeria had. They wouldn't let their uncle be right. As long as they were together, as long as they had their power, they had to be able to do something.]

So... You like Kurogane, so you say his name wrong. But he doesn't like that. Doesn't he like you? [It sounded rather a lot like an accusation. How dare someone not like his twin?] And he couldn't like me, because we never met, so I can't be mini-mage, right? [It was just simple logic, after all.]

[The request confuses him a bit, and he looks a bit lost.] I... I'm not sure I know how to. But... [He tries to think of Yuui, of living with him, of being able to reach out and touch him whenever he feels like it, and never having nightmares without anyone there to comfort him. And while that makes his eyes tear up again, he does manage to smile.]

[The argument that they hadn't been able to do anything last time, hadn't been able to protect anyone, that they had been the cause of all of the destruction and suffering in the first place came to the fore front of his mind. But he pushed it back as quickly as he could, trying to focus instead of his brother's determination. They couldn't allow their uncle to be right.]

Of course Kuro-wan likes me~ He's just a little stubborn about admitting it. [A lie. He truly had no idea if Kurogane liked him or not.] You mustn't think like that, Fai. Kurogane is... he's someone very special. So please, give him a chance, okay? For me.

[Those tears cause his heart to break and swell at the same time. While he couldn't stand his brother's tears, to see his smile, bright and real and happy and full of the joy they had never been allowed to feel was more than enough to make up for him. Kneeling down once more, his thumb pressed under his matches eye, brushing away the tears carefully.] There. Now I can be as brave as you.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

On being bound for Adstringendum

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject