dear_mun | Didn't anyone ever tell you not to wake a sleeping lion?

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Didn't anyone ever tell you not to wake a sleeping lion?

It seems I may have erred in the upkeep of my dictionary. I have Mundane listed as "Boring and lacking in excitement"; I'll have to change that to "An impudent dullard with a death wish".

Still, it is no small feat to abscond with one of my royal caliber and it is rather impressive you can contain one of my stature with such little difficulty, for that I find myself inclined to applaud your efforts. However, even one with such magical skill could only hope to hold myself back for so long, so perhaps we might strike an accord. Release me and return me to the seat of my kingdom from which you so rudely absconded with my personage and I shall spare you any harm or degrading entries into my dictionary; I may even welcome you into my court as a vassal of some kind...an errand boy perhaps.

Failure to comply will be met as an open declaration of hostile intent against a king and the kingdom of Illyria, an act of which the punishment is a public trial to be presided over by myself, and an equally public execution, also to be presided over and carried out by myself.

That is all.

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I understand your frustrations, but I assure you, threats mean little to them.

[This coming from someone who is very high on your "most wanted" list.]

I'll wager you know a fair bit on that subject.

[He's not moving for his blades, but he is staring down at Venom with the same look a hunter would give it's prey.]

Tell me what you know of these "Mundanes" and the magic they wield, as you seem to have familiarized yourself with them. I may even consider a temporary pardon if I find your answers worth my time.

Edited 2015-01-13 06:09 (UTC)

A bit too much, really.

[Venom has an iron grip on his cue case. Still, he's not making any sudden moves.]

I only wish it was as simple as magic. They just like to put us in awkward or uncomfortable situations for their amusement.

That's what mine does to me.

So I should add perverse to the definition as well.

[No really, he's actually pulling out his dictionary and quill as he scratches down the additions, though he continues to address the assassin.]

If it isn't magic they wield, then what is it? Or has the leader of the Assassin's Guild become so weak willed he bends to the whims of mere children?

Edited 2015-01-13 06:22 (UTC)

Perverse is being kind to them.

[Is he really... really? Venom's heard of the king's obsession with that dictionary, but to see it in person... He's not sure if he should be impressed or insulted. ~~What's his entry on Zato~~.]

It's been so long since I was picked up, so I'm rather used to this role. But to answer your question, it's complicated. I only vaguely recall when I was pulled away from my duties and placed in less-than-optimal situations. Even now, my mundane wanted us to meet for whatever reason. My apologies.

[~~Just a picture of his death certificate.~~]

That even you wouldn't know the finer details of this situation is troubling, I'll have to triple my efforts in finding answers in that case. You need not apologize for something outside your control, nefarious as this power is, it is something outside your control.

That said, for now I shall honor my word and grant you an extended pardon of your prior crimes, but I must dissuade you from committing any further crimes in the future; we may not be in Illyria, but your crimes there are well known and should you give me cause, I will see you hang for them and any other infractions you happen to incur.

Personally.

[~~NOOOOOOooooooo~~]

Your authority means little here as well, but I do appreciate the gesture, nonetheless. As for any future crimes, I haven't committed any since my mundane acquired me. I give you my word that it will remain that way.

[Probably.]

You could also call them a big mean poopy head!

[SHE'S HELPING. Also hello, you were totally expecting a little girl and her giant... living umbrella thing, right?]

Maybe it'd make the way you talk less boring.

[Well isn't that the most adorable thing he's seen all day. Leo's just going to let that boring comment slide and kneel down to Umbrella's Height...or as close to it as the giant of a man can get so he can offer as kindly a smile he can.]

I'm afraid those words might be a tad too gauche for a man of my royal status, but I mirror the sentiment all the same. Have you as well been taken captive by these "Mundanes" young miss?

Duh. It's better than being cooped up in the stupid musty castle all day, but she doesn't let me have all the ice cream I want either.

[WOW LOOK AT HIM HE'S HUGE AND FLUFFY. Umbrella steps closer, a bit distracted by a desire to just jump into that soft-looking mane of his, but he's actually being NICE to her so she figures she oughta at least TRY the manners thing. If she can resist for more than a minute or so, anyway.

Hungern, meanwhile, just watches Leo carefully.]

You said you're a king, right mister? Cool! I'ma princess myself.

I can understand the draw of wanderlust and indulgence, especially in the vigorous throes of youth, but as royalty we must practice restraint and humility, both for the sake of ourselves and our subjects. One day, the people will look to you for leadership and to show weakness to any vice might very well undermine their trust.

...However, do not feel shame in indulging yourself every so often. After all, no one should be as free to do as they wish than a ruler.

[He let out a small laugh and offered the small girl a hand to shake...even though it was large enough to easily encompass her, he didn't want to seem rude in front of another of royal status. He was curious though...he hadn't heard of any of the other kings having a young daughter in recent years.]

I feel compelled to ask, from what kingdom do you hail? Were you heir to any Illyrian throne, I as it's second king would be aware.

[Umbrella crinkles her nose up at first - ugh, that sounds like one of her sister's speeches! However, as he adds on the bit about indulging oneself, her entire face lights right up.]

YEAH!! Sis never lets me do neat things or come along on the coolest missions where she kicks all the bad guy butt! You should come tell HER that, mister!

[Of course, it's a child's exaggeration, though.

Umbrella grabs his gigantic hand, giving an enthusiastic shake.]

I'm princess of the Canopy Kingdom, of course!

[She pulls up the sleeve of her coat, revealing a red armband with - yep, that sure is an insignia of an open umbrella.]

My big sis is the acting ruler, though, 'cause she's older. My name's Umbrella, and this is Hungern!

[She pushes the umbrella into his face, which blinks at him and grinds the... teeth at its tip curiously.]

I...can't say I've ever heard of this "Canopy Kingdom" before, but if it has access to goods such as Ice Cream, then it surely its standing is nothing to sneeze at. Perhaps you could tell me of it?

[This young one was definitely energetic, he would have to give her that, and any thoughts that she might be the princess of a fantasy kingdom were quickly erased when he saw such an official looking emblem. He gave the umbrella a glance enough to quirk an eyebrow...it definitely looked like something that had been born of a magical experiment if you asked him, but if it wasn't going to be aggressive of it's own accord, then he had nothing to fear.]

That said, it is a pleasure to meet you princess. I am Leo Whitefang, second king to the Allied Nation of Illyria! As for your sister, you should feel lucky to have one who cares of your well being...

[Considering his own sister was labeled in his dictionary as the definition of Devil...]

Of this, I can tell you with the utmost certainty. Because you are safe, your sister may complete her missions with the utmost efficiency and decisiveness; you and her kingdom are the strength that propels her to the greatness she has achieved, be proud in the contributions you have made in that regard.

Of course it isn't! It's a big kingdom, you know! It's got the BEST ice cream, and big cities, and all sorts of cool things! Sis has her elite soldiers, the Black Egrets, and they're all oooh, look out Princess! I've got this, Princess! I'm gonna stare at your huge butt when I think you're not looking, Princess! But some of them are really nice to me, especially if I promise not to tell anyone that they were looking at Parasoul's huge gross butt.

[...that's totally what you wanted to hear about, right Leo?

She actually seems to listen to his following comments, though, even though she pouts a bit.]

I wouldn't get in the way... I just wanna see her and Krieg fighting, 'cause it's really awesome. E-especially if she finds the Skullgirl soon! The Skullgirl is the worst bad guy, so I really want to see Sis beat her up!

[He nods, listening to her words...most of them...just kinda skimming over the part about butts, but somewhere along the line he'd produced a book and quill that he was using to jot down notes about this kingdom. It definitely sounded like a lively place to be sure.]

I appreciate your zeal! If you truly wish to join your sister on the battlefield, then hone your skills to their peak! Aim for the moon and accept nothing less, you are after all royalty.

[He paused at the mention of this "Skullgirl" though...for all her mannerisms, she seemed to almost visibly tense up at the sound of the word, as if it's existence made her uncomfortable. It was enough to make him quirk a brow, it sounded like a case of a Gear if he'd ever heard one.]

The worst you say? Can you explain to me in greater detail what exactly this "Skullgirl" is?

Hungern an' I train lots... but yeah, that's not a bad idea, Mister Leo! Maybe we'll be even MORE awesome!

[Well, okay, maybe they don't train as much as they really ought to, but still. However, Umbrella gives a startled look at his question.]

You don't know about the Skullgirl!? Oh, wait, there's different worlds and stuff! That's why I've never heard of Illy... Ill-ra... whatever-you-said, Fluffy Kingdom, too! I bet your world's really cool.

[You're fluffy, therefore your kingdom must be fluffy. LOGIC.]

The Skullgirl is super powerful and always makes things really bad! She's whoever has the Skull Heart, which is really bad because it grants your wish, but in a really mean way and then turns you into the Skullgirl and makes you try to destroy the world! A-and then if you're the Skullgirl... you can't turn back, so someone has to stop you...

[She gets very quiet during that last sentence, dropping eye contact for the first time to glance away. Her hand grips at her chest, though she doesn't seem to realize she's doing it.]

[He might have corrected her on her pronunciation of Illyria, but the turn in conversation prompted him to listen rather than to speak. He didn't know of these magical artifacts...he was still getting used to his realm, so it was to be expected his knowledge base would be horridly incomplete, but he could see the hurt in her eyes.

The pain of loss was clear...he'd been through war, had seen it on the faces of his men and in his own reflection. No one this young should have that look, he thought to himself as he placed a hand gently on her shoulder.]

Then on my word as the second king of Illyria, I shall pledge my aid to the Canopy Kingdom in the detainment of this "Skull Heart". If I can help it, no other shall ever succumb to it's vile machinations!

Y-yeah!

[Umbrella immediately tries to buck herself up, quickly wiping at her eyes before puffing out her cheeks.]

Between you and Sis I bet the Skullgirl will be destroyed for good! And then no one has to worry ever again!

That's the spirit! Our combined might will be enough to eradicate this menace twice over!!

[He might even has his science division make a machine that could bring it back...just so he could crush it beneath his massive heel again. Just so it got the message properly.]

After all, the definition of Defeat is "The fate of those who fight me."

YEAH! And then we'll be even bigger heroes than Annie! Momma would've been really proud!

I'm quite sure she already is, but there's no harm in striving for greater accolades!

I 'unno. I hope so. Momma... um... died when I was real little. I miss her a lot.

[That look in her eyes is back. The same exact one. There's a reason she started thinking of her mother when the subject of the Skullgirl came up...

Umbrella sniffs, wrapping both arms around Hungern and frowning as she seems to gather her resolve.]

But if we beat the Skullgirl for good, that'll make everything ok! I hope your kingdom doesn't haveta fight anything like that, Mister Leo.

[Not really knowing what to do, he simply placed a hand atop the young princess' head as he locked eyes with her.]

As my father told me, I will tell you. Those who pass never leave us, they become one with the part of our hearts that help to steel our resolve and drives us to become greater. You have endured many trials, as I have endured them and the fact that we stand now on the other side of them stronger is something we share in common. Your mother is proud to stand beside you, as I am to stand as your ally, never forget this.

Mayhaps after we eradicate this Skullgirl, I shall invite you to my castle. I'll be sure to have my chefs prepare the most decadent array of Ice Cream you've ever laid eyes upon!

You official types certainly are big talkers.

And you assassin types certainly are unconcerned with your well beings.

I haven't been an assassin for a long, long time.

Perhaps more than just your dictionary is due for an upgrade.

Perhaps not, but in my dictionary, there's no such thing as a statute of limitations.

However, considering the circumstances, I might be inclined to agree. It seems there is far more things I don't understand then I could have ever thought possible.

[You know, like being kidnapped and imprisoned by forces unknown without even so much as a fight.]

Edited 2015-01-13 10:20 (UTC)

It's an adventure, I'll give you that. Just wait until you run across another version of yourself from a different timeline, or see a genderswapped version of someone you know.

Places like these tend to throw even veterans for a loop.

...What manner of unholy magic could bring about such things? It sounds almost too farfetched to be believed, but if this situation sets any kind of standard...

[Throw for a loop might be a bit of an understatement, he looks absolutely bewildered and for once, off balance in the face of considering such a strange set of concepts.]

No one knows for sure, unfortunately. It's kind of a sensory overload, especially in things called "memes"...but even here, you can be contacted by anyone.

Literally, anyone. Far-fetched doesn't even begin to cover it. I'd cite examples, but you're already dealing with enough.

Your experience might vary, depending on your writer. So there is at least that. Some are generally good about keeping us within limits. For example, mine doesn't put me in things called "shipping memes" because she's aware that I'm not the type to go seeking out relationships with just anyone. On the other hand, a different player might have put me there solely because I'm not that type.

My advice is to figure out what kind of writer you have and either make friends with them so that they're less likely to torment you willingly, or resign yourself to be scary enough that they're too afraid to do anything you don't approve of. These options don't always work, mind you, but they're worth a shot.

To think these beings wield such power...and use it for such frivolous and perverse ends, how dare they! It is good to know you haven't been subjected to such fiendish machinations; lawbreaking aside, I would wish you no undue mental or physical anguish, especially in a situation you have little to no control over.

I will stand for no such treatment, I am the Second King of Illyria! I cannot be forced into anything no matter how powerful this "Writers" magic is!! Any attempt to the contrary will be met with utter failure, so it would be in his best interest to placate me rather than the other way around.

Perverse is definitely the right word in some cases, but the less you know about them, the better.

Likewise, actually. I may not be the most law-abiding citizen, but no one deserves to be subjected to some of the things I've seen here. Everyone should be able to choose their own path -- not to have it chosen for them.

I hope, for whatever it's worth, that you're with someone that has the same values.

[Still, she can't hide a chuckle as he starts in on his mun.]

That's the spirit.

"That is all"? That was practically like listening to someone read a novel, ha ha! A true man doesn't need quite so much air to get his point across, no?

So you say, but in fewer words you've shown yourself fuller of air than common sense, captain of the Jellyfish Pirates.

[He may have said "Jellyfish Pirates", but what he really meant was "Lawbreaker".]

Oh hooooooo? What's this, now? This lion is so easy to rankle, he roars at every little jibe!

Well, at least you're no slacker in a fight, so that's something in your favor. Not bad, for a pampered ruler.

Ha, if you think this is my roar, then you're sorely mistaken! My abilities were honed by my upbringing and my time in the crusades, every day I rule as Illyria's second king is built upon the blood I've spilled and sacrifices I've made in it's name.

I'm unsurprised I had to explain something so simple, I could hardly expect a vagabond such as yourself to understand such lofty concepts.

Edited 2015-01-14 02:29 (UTC)

You only think they're important because they relate to yourself, my friend.

I do not think they are important, I know they are. My kingdom and my subjects are worth every inch of myself that I give to them. Can you say the same of your own ideals?

The Jellyfish Pirates help people all over the world! We can't constrain ourselves to a single country. We have obligations of our own, you know. Between robbing those who have too much and distributing the goods to those who don't, stopping rampaging Gears, good samaritan works, and averting the occasional world crisis, we keep very busy.

Your contributions to the world are known, but they do not negate nor excuse what you do. Do you truly hold yourself above those from whom you take? Have you ever given pause to think of them, how they achieved what they had and what they themselves planned to do with it? To that point further, when did it fall to you to decide what exactly is too much?

I'm having trouble in understanding how your idea of fair play can be so lopsided.

We thoroughly research our targets, "King", and the corruption running through the entire system goes deeper than you could ever realize. If people outside the system don't enforce justice, who will?

[Corruption? In HIS system? That was enough to give him pause, begrudged though he might be to admit it. He was only one of three kings in Illyria, but they all held equal responsibility over it's welfare. If this...pirate, knew of something that ran underneath even his own nose, then wasn't it his duty as King to at least hear him out?

It couldn't hurt at the very least.]

Then speak, enlighten me to this corruption. I will no more stand for illicit dealings in my kingdom than I would an open declaration of war.

The United Nations. The PWAB. The three great Kingdoms of Illyria. What do they all have in common?

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Didn't anyone ever tell you not to wake a sleeping lion?

YES MORE LEO! \o/

Thank you! I hope I'm doing him justice ^_^;

So far so good :D

Hurray!

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