whoa whoa crashcourse voicetest

[powerballad]

So you're, like...pacing this? So you're not going nuts and trying to shove me anywhere...before you figure out...my parents or anything. Right? I'm all "yeah, woo, yeah", gung-ho is great, whatever. But--be thorough. Or try. We definitely know you can try.

...Sorry, was that mean?

Comments

[gleans]

I could fuckin' kiss you right now.

[powerballad]

Don't! I don't even know if my breath smells because I have no idea how often I brush my teeth or what I eat or if I can even cook!

[gleans]

Oh my god, you're like a baby bird. I'm pretty sure you, uh... don't suck at cooking, at least.

[powerballad]

I feel like adding eggs to ramen noodles in a hot pot was probably the breakthrough that crowned me King of Cookery on the road. But it's just a feeling!

This sucks.

[gleans]

Tell me about it. I was there, it did suck.

... But seriously, tell me about it, how's it going?

[powerballad]

Eh. I think technically it's kind of okay. It's just too early? And she's too excited. I'd say she's jumping the gun, except I don't think she's even holding the gun. I feel like--hm.

I feel like I've been told that I'm performing in front of an audience of five, and that's kind of shitty. But whatever, I'm a classy bitch, so I get ready to go give a good show. But I go out on stage, and the five people are the bartender, my mom and dad, David Bowie and Jesus Christ. That's about how it's going.

[gleans]

Uh, harsh. But at least Jesus, your mom and dad, and - admit it - probably Bowie are gonna love you anyway.

Give it a little more time, I think, and shit'll fly.

[powerballad]

Hey, you're just saying that so that you can think that Bowie would love you. Don't kid yourself, Howard, you are way too heteronormative for him.

But I mean...I know. Kind of. I'll pull it together. We need some time, me and her. Y'know, to paint our nails and giggle, et cetera.

[gleans]

I was gonna argue that, but... face it, everyone's too heteronormative for Bowie. That's why he's so fuckin' magical.

Ooohhhh, girl time. I don't wanna interrupt that, dude.

[powerballad]

I wish you would. I'm shit at painting nails. You wanna help? There's a good green in here for you...

[gleans]

Green? IIIII dunno, Daph, this close to St. Patrick's Day?

[powerballad]

Look--it's like a neon, so if we put a pretty top coat over it, not only will you be so metro, but you'll also be safe from pinches on Saturday!

[gleans]

Fiiiine, fiiiine. I can roll with it.

[powerballad]

Gnee! [Hell yes, you can roll with it, and you can roll with her sidehugging you around the stomach. And bouncing just a little before letting go.] Just count yourself lucky you have pretty singer hands.

[gleans]

[ Yessssss take that hug back, tiny. ]

Okay, I get piano hands, but singer hands?

[powerballad]

Because you play guitar, but you don't play it that hard most of the time. Therefore, you don't have sweetass callouses as bad as like me or Brad. You don't have the hands of a working man!

[gleans]

Aw shit, schooled. Can't help it, Nee, my skin is just workproof.

[brolociraptor]

Dude, gung-ho is how you do it. Karate chop that motherfucker. And by that motherfucker I mean like, life.

[powerballad]

So much as I know you like it, I feel morally obligated to remind you that not everything can be solved with karate chops.

Also that there are more karate moves than "chops".

[brolociraptor]

BULLHONKY. There are karate chops, and karate kicks, and that is all.

All of which you use to kick my ass with regularly so uh, yes, there's more to life than just karate chops. You are the smartest girl in the whole world, please don't chop my eyes.

[powerballad]

Well, if your eyes deserve it, they're getting the chop!

[brolociraptor]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

But seriously, it's good to see you. Galen totally misses you. Like the sun misses the flower. Like the sun misses the flower in the depths of winter. Instead of beauty to direct its light to the heart hardens like the frozen world your absence has banished me to -- [ Yeah okay he's totally quoting A Knight's Tale, it's the perfect opportunity. ]

[powerballad]

Stop, I can't remember the whole thing, how am I supposed to finish the quote, stop!

[Arm punch! Y'know one of those "playful" ones, it doesn't hurt, ya baby.] Why aren't you taking care of him?

[brolociraptor]

[ FLAIL. ] Lame! Gotta keep you on your toes, dude.

And hey, I'm trying. I have trauma too, you know, it's all super important and shit. But I am, though, I just like, have no idea how to do it. I suck at this.

[powerballad]

Eugh. I heard you had trauma, actually. What happened, low-main? [-TENANCE. IT'S A PUN.] I thought we were all fed up on the traumz!

[brolociraptor]

[ HURR HURR ] Yeah! See, that's what I thought, and that's what I was promised, but clearly there's not enough angst going around, so I gotta soak my feet in it a little and not even get a manicure afterwards.

Which is pretty fucking terrible treatment for a rockstar, I'll tell you that. [ 8| ] The whole nightmare thing's getting old.

[powerballad]

Oh, what? What, you mean that you thought they weren't going to torture you? Urr, golly, that sounds just crazy, Bradley. But hey--didn't you hear? We're doing manicures over here. You get pink.

[brolociraptor]

Man I am so silly, what was I thinking -- wait, did you say pink?

YES. I am all over that broseph, take me to your pink nail painting leader, gimme gimme.

[powerballad]

Ew, your nail beds are sick. And I don't mean that in the Ru Paul way. I mean they're gross. And flat.