would you trust this guy with your baby.

[goodsoldier]

Look, it's not that I don't like Helena. But she's a mom. That's always kind of weird for me. Nothing wrong with moms. It's just that — well, I won't use the usual excuses, that we don't have similar priorities or a lot to talk about, because that's a lie. We do have both of those. But the fact is, Benny makes me feel weird. It's not personal dislike, he's a little kid, I don't expect anything from him. And it's not important until the inevitable plot where Helena is busy/kidnapped/whatever and I have to look after him for some indeterminate amount of time, cause don't even lie, I know your shit, you're going there sooner or later. And I'm not gonna flip out about it and you know I'm not and you're not going to do that really hilarious comedy trope where I'm so helpless when it comes to babies because men are dumb and unable to care for children, because you hate that.

See? Everything is fine. Just don't rat me out to Tim, and let me talk to Steph, and for fuck's sake, let me talk to people who aren't from fucking Gotham, and everything will be fine, or about as fine as things ever are with me.

Comments

[imfollowinghim]

Nice high note you ended on there.

[goodsoldier]

That's me, an ends-on-a-high-note kinda guy.

[imfollowinghim]

Who can totally handle looking after a baby no problem.

[goodsoldier]

I most definitely did not say no problems. But he'll be fine. They're not big enough bastards to let anything happen to him.

[imfollowinghim]

Good to know.

[goodsoldier]

And if they are I'll Grant Morrison them in the face.

[Actually that is a severely ambiguous threat ughhhhhh.]

... no, I won't.

[imfollowinghim]

Might be fun to give it a shot anyway. [Since lol you are doomed to failure, sorry Jason. We are the ones in control here. :c]

[goodsoldier]

[Vaguely morose—] No. No, they have these... in-jokes about him, I really shouldn't have gone there.

[raritywhy.gif]

[imfollowinghim]

That bad?

[goodsoldier]

Let's just say you're not prepared.

I hope they let that joke die ANY DAY NOW.

[joiedeviolet]

Weird how?

[goodsoldier]

I don't really know, I'd have to think about it.

[lol and that ain't happening.]

[joiedeviolet]

Is it the diapers? The crying? The drooling? The not being able to form full, coherent sentences?

[goodsoldier]

No, babies are babies, whatever.

[joiedeviolet]

So you just find them weird for no reason or is it just the concept of looking at one that's weird?

[goodsoldier]

It probably has to do with me and not him.

[Seriously that's all you're getting.]

[joiedeviolet]

[That doesn't mean she's not going to keep trying.]

What is it about you, then?

[goodsoldier]

This is not psychoanalysis hour, okay? Like I said, it's not even vaguely important at the moment, I'll deal with it when I deal with it. I don't have to talk or think about it right now.

[joiedeviolet]

[Kate sees your denial, Jason, and she judges it not healthy.]

Fine. Though this is a good reason why Helena should make a backup plan for a babysitter.

[goodsoldier]

Hopefully she will.

[secondchances]

Are you the babysitter that empties the fridge, or the one that talks on the phone the whole time?

[goodsoldier]

She would murder me. Neither.

[secondchances]

And with that, you've got a better hold on this than most teenage girls. Fascinating.

[goodsoldier]

I'm not even kidding, she would murder me. That's what this Huntress does, you know. Kill people. Because I have to assume the only way she'd leave Benny in my care is if things were seriously dire. It's like, me, or Tim and Superboy.

[secondchances]

You're the one saying sooner or later... you're jinxing yourself.

[goodsoldier]

I know it's going to happen, but I also know that those two are too soft to let Benny die. Obviously I only know that here, though, I'm not gonna juggle Benny with five chainsaws back in the game.

[secondchances]

That's always good to hear. Both from the not-letting-a-kid-die side and the not-juggling-dangerous-things side. Five chainsaws is edging into overkill.

[morewidows]

[The Sitter 2: He is the Night?]

Who would think that a man would be dumb and unable to care for a child simply because he's a man?

[goodsoldier]

Uh... it's societal. Individual viewpoints notwithstanding, I can rattle off about five movies with this premise, and just about every sitcom ever has at least one episode. It's a thing. A comedy trope.

[morewidows]

[Morticia is completely baffled. Intrigued, but mostly baffled.]

That sounds positively dreadful, and not in the best or worst of ways. Good thing your mundane seems to have common sense, however. I would hate to find that happening to the men in my family as a "joke."

[leiothrix_lutea]

Hey, we're not all bad!

... in some incarnations.

[goodsoldier]

Oh, christ. I ain't talking to you, get lost.

[leiothrix_lutea]

Hey c'mon! I haven't even had the chance to grow up into a jerk yet!

[goodsoldier]

Beat it, kid. I hate seeing you like this. Depressing as fuck. All the shit that's going to happen, and you're all sassy and happy.

[leiothrix_lutea]

But I'm from a different Earth, so none of that counts! Or probably won't. Did you ever notice how the cartoons don't really like you much?

[goodsoldier]

No, Batman is always an asshole, and you always have to leave sooner or later. That's the point of Robin — it doesn't last forever.

No shit, Sherlock, though in your case, it's Tim they don't like.

[leiothrix_lutea]

[Way to hit on the one point of angst he's recently discovered! You are awfully good at that, aren't you?]

The Batman I know's not that bad, so who says I have to leave ... ?

And hey, Tim got way more screentime in the old school cartoon. It's not my fault everyone likes me more.

[voted_dead]

Nice to hear we're not all complete assholes.

[goodsoldier]

Okay.

look who just discovered dw's dear mun *_*

[bodilesswarrior]

I think you'd be fine with a child, once you got used to it.

If you need advice...don't ask me, I have no idea what to do with toddlers. Beyond the general stuff, you know, "don't give them knives", that kind of thing.

And apparently James Jr wasn't a toddler when we met now. I don't even know.

Steph would probably like to talk to you, too, by the way.