on winning the fourth-character lotto for scorched

[hummel]

Dear, sweet mun.

I'm sure you think you've made the right decision. Oh, you're probably swanning smugly about in your poorly-matched knitwear from 2009, relieved to have finally come to some conclusion after all that tiresome angsting. But let me tell you one thing. I have no plans on abandoning my life in Ohio, not to mention my wardrobe of haute couture and my expensive skin-care regime simply for your entertainment. Because honestly, scary fog and Sean Bean? I saw that film, and it didn't end well! Not to mention, I don't think you understand what this will do to my future college prospects.

So all those pep talks you've been giving yourself? Stop them. You couldn't "handle my voice" if I recorded my EP and gave it to you for Christmas. I can tell at a glance that you don't have my encyclopaedic knowledge of fashion trends, and you certainly don't have the time to master my busy schedule. If I may attempt a football metaphor? I'd rather remain benched.

[ A grimace of a smile, patronizing. ]

I'm glad we had this conversation.

Comments

[hummel]

Fashion is always exciting, Rachel.

[tinkerbelling]

See, so if your mundane brings you to Anatole, it might not be so bad!

[hummel]

Is it true you have an army.

[tinkerbelling]

No. I have friends.

...Who have swords.

[hummel]

You have friends.

[ He's joking. It's... arch. ]

[tinkerbelling]

They're wonderful.

[ nodding. ]

[hummel]

Maybe I'm putting too much importance on the ... quirks of the location.

[ Because if Rachel's borderline psychotic A-type personality can be accepted there, then maybe he can too. He gives an awkward in-joke chuckle: ]

I mean, McKinley's a hell hole and there were times it wasn't so bad.

[tinkerbelling]

Exactly! It has many good people and fun things and if you hide when the monsters are around then it's really nothing. I can show you how to fight with a rolling pin!