dear_mun | oh so tentative voicetest

Hi, Uncle Doom!

[Val's probably the only person in the universe who's ever that unambiguously cheerful around him.]

Planning something good?

Perhaps, young Valeria.

[Of course he is. He's Doom! He always has plans. Especially now that he's not suffering from brain damage. Let them never speak of that shameful time again.]

Does your father know you are here?

Edited (what is grammar) 2014-02-06 02:50 (UTC)

[That'll teach him not to get involved in Hulk plotlines! It never ends well.]

Dad doesn't need to know everything I do.

[So that's a "no," then.]

[Doom cannot be taught! He is the teacher, not the student! Which is probably why he still hasn't managed to bring the world to its knees. Arrogance; such an obstacle to world domination.

Also, that's a "no" if ever he's heard one. Were doing so not beneath him, he would probably sigh at this point.]

How long have you been running amok?

I don't run amok.

[Val is offended and folds her arms to show it. She's always in control and always has a plan. Usually it's a borderline evil or at least amoral plan, but she's three and isn't very good at ethics yet.]

[It's difficult to tell, what with the mask, but there's something in his eyes, some glint of disbelief, that says that he's not falling for it.]

Your parents might think differently.

[Then they'll show up and start posturing about how they're not going to let him get away with it. Grimm will be there too, with his tired old clobbering threats and Storm will undoubtedly parade out his banal jokes. It's the kind of writing on the wall Doom doesn't care to read. He already knows the script by heart.]

Tell me, child. What is it you plan?

[Val's pulled enough crap at this point that if she turns up in Latveria, her family's probably going to blame her first and Doom second. Could his ego stand it?]

Dad busted Bentley and me building a probability manipulator [it was proof-of-concept!] and I'm not allowed to conquer the Kree [even though they so have it coming!] so I'm kind of at loose ends.

[She cocks her head and looks calculatedly adorable.]

I want to learn magic.

[Can his ego stand not being blamed for something he didn't do, as if he were incapable of concocting a devious plan to involve Valeria in something her parents don't approve of? Absolutely not! Doom is always behind everything! Even if it makes no sense whatsoever.]

You came to learn magic from Doom?

[Abort! Abort! Danger! Bad idea! Doom may not be the Sorcerer Supreme - damn Stephen Strange for taking the title he planned not to get for the sake of his mother's soul - but he is one of the smartest people on the planet, which these days means nothing. He knows this will end badly. Not for him, oh no, never for him. Except every day ending in Y. But his pride won't let him say no. This is clearly all going according to his plan that he didn't have until right now to make himself feel better for not anticipating this eventuality.

Or did he?]

Yep. That's my sinister plan. Dad's refusal to learn anything about sorcery and always farm it out to Mrs. Harkness or Dr. Strange is really irrational.

[Val, with a mixture of a child's concreteness and a supergenius' gift for abstraction, has decided that this is a sensible way to proceed with her plan of learning everything.

She's also just as manipulative as dear ol' Uncle Doom, and has triangulated on him as the person least likely to say "hell, no" in response to her request.]

[She had him at the implication that this will in some way make Reed Richards look foolish. And he likes her, in his remote and calculating way.]

Very well. Your instruction shall begin immediately.

[Uncle Doom, you really need to stop being so predictable, okay? But not until Val's gotten everything she wants.

She grins and claps her hands, rubbing them together in anticipation.]

Super! Dad got a call on one of his interstellar receivers and everybody left in a hurry, so they'll probably be busy for at least a couple days.

[And having Valeria around will keep Doom too busy to try anything during that absence, or at least that'll be her excuse when Sue finds out.]

I learned Latin last week, but all the resources on Enochian I could find seemed like they were written by Ren Faire actors cribbing from Aleister Crowley, so I skipped that and picked up some Ancient Egyptian instead.

[Val might be the most obnoxious child on the planet, but she is a very, very quick study.]

[The Richards are otherwise occupied? This calls for action! Doom shall take advantage of their absence and...

...babysit their offspring. Not such an illustrious task for one as important as Doom, of course, but perhaps he can make use of this anyway. If nothing else, maybe the two of them can burn down the Baxter Building. It's about due for demolition again anyway.]

Let us adjourn to the library. The true tomes of magic writ in Enochian reside there.

[So does the Idiot's Guide to Colloquial English that his son stashed there in the hope that he would start talking like he was born in the twentieth century. Alas, such an aural miracle is not yet meant to be.]

[Daaaaaaaad you're embarrassing me in front of my frieeeeeends. ~~Implying Kristoff has friends.~~

(Hi, this is still the Val player.)]

[Teaming up with superheroes occasionally to serve the people and your father doesn't equate to having friends, Kristoff. Listen to Doom. Doom knows all about having no friends.

Actually, scratch that. Don't listen to Doom. Never listen to a man who wears a dress over his armor.]

[It's important to spend time with children. Otherwise they might pick up their parents' bourgeois morality and become just as tedious and even more meddlesome. Besides, Doom is one of the only people on the planet with a chance of getting Val to do what he says even if she doesn't like it.

Only a chance, mind you.]

'Kay.

[Val reflexively reaches up to take his armored hand. It's almost like her family has cultivated the habit, since if one of them is physically holding on to her, it's substantially less likely she'll get into trouble.]

[Why is she always touching him? Inexplicable kisses on the cheek, such as it is. Taking his hand like he isn't the destroyer of worlds - Oppenheimer eat your heart out - he likes to melodramatically proclaim himself to be. It's baffling.

But he takes her hand like a proper uncle should - Doom is a gentleman! - and starts off toward the library. It's hard to get an appropriately majestic cape flapping stride going when adjusting his gait to make it easy for a small child to keep up with, but by Doom, he tries.]

What spell would you like to try first?

[Objection! Present Valeria can't be held responsible for her stupid future self's actions.

...Speaking of circumstances in which very smart, questionably moral people refuse to acknowledge they've been outmaneuvered.]

Shielding.

[Val purses her lips. Explosions would be way cooler, not to mention how seethingly jealous Bentley would be, but underneath it all, she's a practical creature.]

I kind of need it. People anticipate technological solutions where I'm concerned, and Mom can't be there constantly.

[Though there have been way, way fewer attempts on her than there were on Franklin. It's as if Doom had been behind most of them. ~~And as if Franklin has been nine years old since the mid-70s.~~]

[Doom is behind everythi--Er, well, technically, he's--WHO WANTS A PONY? Or perhaps a portable anti-matter accelerator that also doubles as a transdimensional doorway?]

You wish to duplicate your mother's abilities.

[And people say his obsession with the Fantastic Four is a fruitless waste of time.]

I know a suitable spell. We need only use the blood of two innocents to construct the appropriate talisman. [Wait for it. Waaaait for it. Maybe if he wasn't wearing a mask like a drama school reject, one might catch a glimpse of a smile.] A jest, of course.

[She's gonna give transdimensional doorways a miss for a while, thanks.]

Oh, good. Mom would ground me for life.

[Val's poker face, practiced on Sue, is almost as good as wearing a mask. It is in fact possible that she'd be willing to sacrifice innocents...just not for her own life. She sent Doom to--well, the man's basically unkillable, so let's say "excruciating pain" rather than "his death" for her father's sake.]

Seriously, though, it's a long time between now and whatever inherited powers might start showing up at puberty.

[Do we talk about the Valeria von Doom elephant in the room?

No, we do not.]

[One man's villain is another man's hero, dear Valeria. All it takes is a certain, possibly insane, perspective. Or to live on Earth 9809, since apparently there's actually one place in the multiverse where Doom isn't a psychotic asshole.

Though it could be worse. Under the mask, he could really be that guy who played Belthazor on the WB's Charmed. Nobody wants that.]

Do you wish for other abilities that emulate those of your family or would you prefer a few that are unique to you?

[The one from Nazi Reed's universe seemed pretty decent, in the five minutes between his introduction and Reed murdering him and cutting out a piece of his brain.

Plus, in alternate universes where he does successfully take over, his monomanical micromanaging tends to turn the planet into a really nice place to live...assuming you don't mind the giant statues of him everywhere and the complete lack of legislative, executive, and judicial oversight.

Regardless, Val thinks Uncle Doom is just great, possibly because he did some magical shit to her head when she was born, because she's usually less dumb than that.]

I want something hard to counter. The specifics and the aesthetics are less important.

[Doom cuts a very striking figure! Perfect for adorning parks, bridges, roadsides, town squares, every home's front lawn. Imagine the disappointment of all the birds who would find themselves bereft of a place to land and crap.

Were it not unseemly for a dictator to snort, he would be doing so now.]

All magic you would learn at Doom's side is difficult to counter.

[And there are leprechauns at the end of every rainbow just itching to give away pots of gold.]

[Val looks up at him with a long-suffering expression, the one she uses on Franklin and Johnny. His arrogance is interfering with his reasoning again.]

Magic's not a publish-or-perish deal. There's no Proceedings of the International Society of Sorcerers I can subscribe to and teach myself from.

[Being denied data is the actual worst.]

Uncle Doom, I don't usually admit to this kind of thing, but I don't even know where to start.

[Which is not strictly true, but Val's relationship to honesty is an ambiguous one at best, and if this is going to be the Victor von Doom Ego Revue (which it always is), she might as well use it to her advantage.]

Well, you know.

Unless you're a Doombot who thinks he's Doom.

That's a thing, right?

That is not the case.

[That has been a thing. A thing Doom is just going to ignore.]

[Hm. Hooded and cloaked like many in Middle Earth but with more armor than most, including a face mask? This is curious, even for a huge psychopathic dragon.]

You are too lenient with your writer.

Perhaps. Yet a dead writer cannot serve. Offering but one chance is at this time prudent.

[Eyes narrow]

A dead writer cannot write or command anything. This is more preferable.

Yet then we are burdened with the tedious task of telling our own tales. Let others spread the word of our glory that we might concentrate on more important matters.

I need no one to speak for me.

[just humor him, he's got a huge ego, the mun just doesn't argue]

I only protect what is mine. If tales are told, they are no concern of mine.

As I protect what is mine. We have that in common, you and I.

And what do you consider 'yours'?

[Smaug is curious to know, not as eager to be lumped together with anyone else even for common goals.]

My kingdom.

[And the world, but one step at a time.]

[Smaug makes an interested noise deep in his throat.]

A king that hides his face?

What you see before you is Doom's face.

What I see is a man of metal. [Was Doom living metal?]

How bout you compromise? Give them an extra chance for every one of your failed plans.

Doom does not compromise.

[Or address a good point that his ego demands he ignore in the hope that it will then go away. It works for ostriches, right?]

oh so tentative voicetest

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