Rusty as hell. Canon is Call of Duty: Zombies.

[notreadytodie]

Vhy hellooo! Sveet, dearest Mundane, it's been a vhile since ve last spoke, no? Over three years years, if I am not mistaken, ha ha...

Normally, I vould be razher upset vith you for ignoring me for so long-- but zhat is in zhe past. You see, Mundane, ve should be focusing on zhe present und zhe future. Because in neizher vun of zhose time frames should I EVER BE TRAPPED IN A GOD DAMN ZOMBIE!! You don't even yet know if zhis is vhat really happened! I don't know! Nobody knows, because zhere vere two endings! So vhy vould you vaist precious time preparing a set of icons for zhe clearly inferior und more unlikely possibility!?

I vould harvest zhe fingernails from your treacherous little hands und replace zhem vith tin foil if I could. But alas, I cannot. So let's be good friends, ja? Be a pal und fix zhese dreadful icons for me.

Comments

[still_not_bitten]

[Don't take the sudden panicked expression and grasping of her hammer personally Doc, Clem doesn't really respond well to any kind of... well, Walker, even ones with glowing eyes which SPEAK.]

[notreadytodie]

[Oh it's a little girl, how disgusting. And he had been so happy when he hadn't seen any children after Maxis bombed everything.]

Shoo, child. Go avay.

[still_not_bitten]

[Little girl with a pretty crack shot. Right now she's still amazed tough, keeping her distance.]

You're a... a Walker. Walkers don't talk.

What are you?

[notreadytodie]

A Valker? Oh, zhat's cute.

For your information, I am a doctor. I am also busy, so leave, before I decide I am getting hungry.

[still_not_bitten]

[Sorry but that's all very hard to take in for Clem. So lotta questions.]

Oh. Well at least you're asking, I... guess.

You're... you're not responsible for all the Walkers, are you?

[notreadytodie]

[He laughs. It's a high-pitched giggle that ends in a snort.]

Dear me, no! I assure you zhat zhe hoards of undead covering zhe globe are zhe doing of none ozher zhan Doctor Maxis-- him and his horrible little she-demon of a daughter.

[His smile vanishes.]

Now zhat vas not a request, mädchen. I am telling you to leave under zhreat of bodily harm.

[still_not_bitten]

[How so very creepy. Clem is not feeling particularly safe right now, so she clutches her hammer a little tighter.]

Doctor Maxis, oh, I've never heard of him. Why don't you like them, are they Walkers too? Like you?

...You're kinda rude, I'm just wanting to know what's going on.

[notreadytodie]

As if. Existence as an undead is too good for eizher of zhem. Alzhough it really is quite awful.

[Shocked sputtering. This is literally the first time anyone has told him he was rude.]

Vell you ask too many qvestions! At least I'm not some snot-nosed brat like you are! You vith your... Your pink shirt... Und hair!

[still_not_bitten]

It is. It... it happened to my mom and dad. So sorry that you're one but don't what to be. If you promise not to attack me I won't try and hurt you.

[Slightly amused expression, though still on her guard as she raises an eyebrow.] My hair is fine. But sorry if my questions bother you, I just haven't met a talking Walker before.

[notreadytodie]

Ha! Attack me? Vith vhat, zhat little toy?

Yes, vell. I am very special.

[still_not_bitten]

[She frowns an annoyed expression before she pulls out her handgun, half aiming it in the Doctor's direction.] Or I could shoot you. I would know where to. As I said, since you can talk and you seem nice if a bit rude, I figure I would give you the option, ok?

You seem to be! How long have you been this way?

[notreadytodie]

[He pauses and weighs the considerable difference between being a zombie and being a zombie with a busted kneecap.]

... Do vhatever you vant. I don't care.

Too long. But I suppose specifically, I'd say... Ehhh, a few hours? Zhe mundane pulled me right out of somezhing of an epic climax.