dear_mun | (no subject)

[Your version of him sucks if he let you suffer. This version is still a whiny dick but Judas is his best friend. Now he's just going to go over here and be horrified.]

[No he's great...!!]

But he feels badly, don't think poorly of him! That's just...how things are. Judas is the one at fault really.

[Jesus lightly strokes the back of his own neck. It's something children do to be comforted and he's taken to doing it himself when Mary isn't here to comfort him. He likely relies on her too much, but knowing his time is almost up... And now hearing that Judas-- It's not a good day. And he's been having a couple really piss poor days lately thanks to his writer.]

Why would you say that? What you-- And what he must do... It's already been foretold. For all God's desire for Free Will, sometimes that isn't possible.

For what it's worth, that it brings you so much pain... I am truly sorry.

[He shakes his head, catching the tense. So it hasn't happened yet, that's...even worse. He tries not to think about it, he'll never understand how Jesus anticipated it and yet did nothing...]

I used to think it was His fault, that He used me. But all things considered, I would do it again. And isn't that free will?

But then, maybe he's managed to be a better person than me. I hope so. You deserve a better friend.

What I'm allowing the Twelve to create frustrates him. It will happen soon.

[It's all right if Judas doesn't believe he's God. It's what the others say about him any way. Touched by God. Destined to be king. They miss the point entirely. Just like they miss the point about Hell. Jesus is sure such a place doesn't exist. At least not for him. It goes against his very nature.]

And it must happen. There is no other way.

...Do you really think it's just about what you 'allow the Twelve to create'?

[Maybe he should bite his tongue. Bad enough to get snippy with his own Jesus, but when he doesn't know where things might differ for the other pair, he really shouldn't. And yet.]

It's always a fight against progress. It's always a fight against your own ideals. You can't always be right, Judas.

[This guy is so much more angsty and whiny than the guy you know and love.]

I give what I can give but going backwards is not an option. Nothing I do lately is good to him. I wonder if he's not grown to hate me.

[Honestly he could deal with that much better. His is just too...sweet. It's too hard to be upset with him, it's like kicking a puppy.]

Of course you can't, but...things like the oil, you can't tell me there's any good reason for that! It's an issue of trust, and - and I thought I understand you, but apparently not.

[His pitch drops and he fidgets with the end of his tie.
And this guy is so much more nervous than the guy you know and love ~~to angrily sing at~~]

...I mean, probably it's about the same...and if so it's not hatred at all. Exasperation. He couldn't hate you.

[And push. And hug. And cry on. And cling to. And scream at. And flail at. And stalk away from petulantly-- It's always so complicated.]

If I could make you understand I would have. What I teach doesn't work like that.

[And he'd gotten stretched too thin. He's only human, Judas. The same as you. Only human but with the divine in his head.]

Did you ever hate him? [Your Jesus. Be truthful.]

It's just...it's like saying one thing and doing another. It's misleading.

[He pauses. That's a loaded question.]

I hated that he wouldn't listen to me. I lost respect for him, and resented every word he said. But...I never hated him. My love for him is too great.

I have never--

[No let's not get angry. Tone it down, JC. Tone. It. Down. Deep breaths. There you are.]

I don't know how to deal with his jealousy.

[Because it's never occurred to him to be jealous. Because he doesn't understand the friction with Mary at all.]

It's hard not to be, when you have to divide your attention...

And I mean, I get that, but... You could maybe not do things like dub one person 'the beloved disciple'. That would help.

[This one mostly just doesn't get along with John. Although he could certainly see how Mary would be an issue...]

[Now that's a bit confusing. Judas has always been Jesus' best friend. Right hand man. And Judas knows it too.]

I do my best to favour no man, no woman. The Twelve are as equal as possible.

[But that's not true. Judas has always been above them in some ways... Though Peter, the youngest, has been one to watch closely and look out for as well.]

Are they really, though? Anyone would be liable to play favourites with such a large group.

[Don't get him started on Peter. While he and Andrew live with Judas and are his greatest advocates...really how did that guy become Pope, keeper to Heaven, how is it that he's so important?]

[No idea. Trust him, if Jesus knew what popes would do, he'd have taught his flock to never, ever elect them!]

I've selected each of the Twelve for a reason. I just knew when I saw them and I love them all.